Dear Kid,

Me: Hi, Baby! We’re back!
Puppy: Oh, hi Mom.
Me: Come on Sweetie, it’s time to go home.
Puppy: You go on. I’ll catch you later.
Me: We’ve been away for 10 days!
Puppy: I know. Did you have fun?
Me: Wouldn’t you like to say Hello?
Puppy: I did (see several lines above).
Me: I meant with a snuggle and ecstatic wiggling.
Puppy: Not necessary. You don’t have to wiggle. I know you’re back.
Me: This isn’t the greeting I imagined.
Puppy: You have an active imagination.
Me: So you had fun?
Puppy: I had a great time. So I’m staying here.
Me: What?
Puppy: You can visit whenever you want.
Me: This isn’t your home.
Puppy: I’m pretty sure they’d be happy to let me live here.
Me: Um…
Puppy: Good. So it’s all settled.
Me: Not settled. What about your pillow?
Puppy: I get to sleep on people beds here. No contest.
Me: And our family?
Puppy: You’ll visit! We’re only a few houses away.
Me: What about your toys?
Puppy: I do love my toys…You can bring them here.
Me: You’d have to share them if we brought them here.
Puppy: I’m not very good at sharing.
Me: No, not so much.
Puppy: This is a hard decision.
Me: This is not a decision at all. Time to go home.
Puppy: I don’t think you understand how “negotiation” works.
Dad: Most of the time “negotiation” means “Do what Mommy says.”
Me: Let’s go.
Puppy: Hey, I’ve been ready. I was wondering why you’re keeping me waiting…

Love, Mom

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