Dear Kid,
I’ve been getting a lot of emails from my Fitbit.
Fitbit: Your Charge HR battery level is low. Charge your battery as soon as possible. To charge:
1. Plug the power cable into a USB port.
2. Plug the other end of the power cable into the back of your Charge HR. A progress bar should appear on the screen.
3. A full charge can take between 1-2 hours depending on the remaining battery level.
Fitbit: Your Weekly Progress Report from Fitbit! Great job! You’re close to meeting your step goals! Just a little more and you’ll be there!
Fitbit: You spent 45 minutes on the Elliptical today! Congrats!
Fitbit: Your Charge HR battery level is low. Charge your battery as soon as possible.
Fitbit: Your Weekly Progress report from Fitbit! You went to the gym four days this week. Fantastic!
Fitbit: You’re doing an excellent job sleeping. You’re hitting your goals!
Fitbit: Your weekly progress report from Fitbit! You walked a lot this week, but not as much as last week.
Fitbit: Seriously, Your Charge HR battery is really low. PLUG IT IN!
Fitbit: You’re starting to slack off a little. What’s going on?
Fitbit: It’s great that you decided to go to the gym today! Next time you go, let’s do more than sit in the sauna!
Fitbit: Sleeping is great, but it’s generally better if you work out at the gym.
Fitbit: PLUG. ME. IN!
Fitbit: I have no idea what you did yesterday, because you keep forgetting to charge me. But based on recent experience, I’m guessing I didn’t miss much…
Fitbit: Your weekly progress report from Fitbit! Are you really a slug or are you just too lazy to actually charge your Fitbit?
Fitbit: I know you like wearing me because I’m purple, but I can be much more than a fashion accessory. Let’s go walk somewhere!
Fitbit: Just so we’re clear, getting up from the couch to get ice cream is not considered a workout.
Fitbit: And no, typing is not an aerobic activity. Ever.
