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Not Being Able to Fall Asleep and Sidetracking into Synonyms

Dear Kid,

There is nothing worse than wanting to go to Sleep and not being able to.

Of course, that’s not at all true. There are plenty of things that are worse than not being able to Fall Asleep. Like root canal and kale. But wanting to go to sleep and remaining steadfastly awake is bad.

Frustrating. Annoying. Vexing. Exasperating.

A veritable celebration among thesaurus enthusiasts who probably lie awake counting synonyms the way the rest of us (pretend to) count Sheep. Lambs. Fluffy white ewes.

Personally, I don’t care what we label it, I just want the zzzs to arrive. On time. Now. When called to do their restorative two-step.

There’s a crack in the ceiling. A small one. It would be great (by which I mean distracting) if it looked like something interesting.

It just looks like a crack.

I am exactly as awake as I was an hour ago. More importantly, I am exactly not as asleep as I was an hour ago.

Sleep. Slumber. Snooze. Siesta. Nap. Shut-eye.

356, 357, 358, 359.

When you see me, be sure to compliment me on the gorgeous bags I’ll be wearing under my eyes. They’re from the Lack of Sleep collection by WHY AREN’T THESE DARN SHEEP DOING THEIR JOB? I’m sure they will look fabulous (and by “fabulous” I mean there is not enough makeup in the world to fix this).

Makeup. Cosmetics. Powder. Greasepaint. Cover-up. Concealer.

I have counted a lot of sheep. Do you know how many sweaters their wool would make? Enough to stock an entire sweater department. (OK, a virtual sweater department since they are virtual sheep. See how badly I need sleep?)

Love, Mom

This post first appeared on Dear Kid Love Mom, please read the originial post: here

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Not Being Able to Fall Asleep and Sidetracking into Synonyms


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