A situation has been brought to my attention recently about the frightening disappearance of someone with a mental illness. Out of respect for the family in question, who would not appreciate such exposure, I will not disclose many identifying details. I will only say that this person is an adult, has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and appeared to be showing signs of escalating crisis in recent weeks.
When I heard this, I had the opportunity to think about and talk about what I would do if something similar happened in my life, if someone I know and love disappeared. Please note, as always, that the opinions expressed here are exactly that, opinions, and should never be taken as professional advice.
Bank Activity
Sometimes we happen to know passwords or usernames for the people in our life. I knew my brother’s student ID number when he was an undergraduate student, for instance, since he couldn’t make sense of the online registration system and I knew it well, because I was a student at the same institution. So I signed him up for his courses at his request. I also now know my mother’s debit card information, because when I was home for my brother’s wedding recently, she gave me her card to Purchase some groceries for her. I would never try to hack or break in to someone’s personal accounts, but if I happened to have any sign-in information, for whatever reason, I would use it.
I would check for locations of purchases, and for very obvious travel purchases, like plane tickets. I would look for unusual transactions, like large cash withdrawals, big purchases at liquor stores or pharmacies, etc. I would also, more frighteningly, look for nothing, no activity at all. Just because a mentally ill person has disappeared doesn’t mean they have disappeared because they are mentally ill. Foul play is a terrible possibility, but a real one.
Personal Affects
Have socks and underwear been taken? Is a piece of luggage or a favorite knapsack missing? What about personal hygiene products such as shampoo, deodorant, shaving equipment, menstrual supplies? Are wallet, keys and cell phone gone? What about a passport? Any objects of deep personal significance missing, such as photos or jewelry or special gifts from relatives? This could all give you some indication of whether the person wandered off in a state of acute crisis, or made a more premeditated departure and packed some things in anticipation of staying away awhile.
Medications
Do you know what Medications the person is on? If not, can you find out? My husband and I know where each other’s prescription meds are, and I know where to find both my parents’ prescription medications as well. I can name the medication my husband is on, though not the dose, name one of the medications my dad is on, and name the conditions for which he and my mother both take prescription medication. None of us have sat down and laid this all out for each other; it just all sort of came out in the natural course of daily life. But in a crisis, it could matter a great deal.
Of specific importance when dealing with someone who is bipolar is the tendency towards noncompliance with medications, or to decide, often while manic, that meds aren’t necessary. If you do happen to find a prescription bottle, count how many pills are in there. This will tell you if the person has been taking their medication, how long they’ve been off it if they haven’t been, and, more frighteningly, if more is missing from the bottle than should be, suggesting abuse of the drug or possible plans for self-harm.
Notify Authorities and Others
Call the police as soon as you can. Adults are, of course, legally allowed to go off by themselves without warning. But after enough time has passed, and usually not very long, a missing person’s report can be filed. Do this the second you can.
Notify employers or post-secondary educational institutions. They could be an emotional and logistical ally, and may also be able to provide you with valuable information if you were not the last person to see your loved one before their disappearance.
If you know the name of the doctor who oversees care of your loved one’s mental illness, get into contact with that physician as soon as possible. Medical appointments may have been happening unbeknownst to you and the doctor might have some insight that you wouldn’t expect.
Who else in your loved one’s life might know something about their state of mind? If they weren’t with you in the hours before they disappeared, who were they with? Call everyone you can.
Have Faith
Of course you are afraid. No doubt the worst possibilities are running through your head. They may become reality. Or, they may not. It really is possible, plausible, and even likely that your loved one made an impulsive (and stupid) decision to take off for awhile and get some space. Leave the porch lights on…love and hope and faith have brought many, many lost and troubled home back home where they belong.
