It’s funny how the words, “to have and to hold” immediately conjures up visions of a wedding ceremony.  A gathering of people Celebrating the love of two people, embarking on what will hopefully be, a long life of happiness together.  It’s about standing before friends and family and being witnessed for the stage of life you’re entering.

Why is it any different for those facing a chronic or life-threatening illness.  “To have and to hold” makes me think of comfort.  It elicits a sense of security.  It asks me the question, “Who will reach out to me?”  These are important questions because crossing the chasm into illness land, can and is often a lonely place.  

Paul Reubens, the comedian best known for playing Pee Wee Herman, died this past Sunday at the age of 70.  That’s not the surprising point, although 70 is young (this coming from a guy who is 620).  The surprising thing in the news was how he’d been facing cancer for the past six years, and the public wasn’t privy to his Diagnosis.

I’m not saying the moment someone gets a diagnosis they should take out a full-page ad in the New York Times, but the idea of going it alone rings true for all too many.  Obviously, it came as a surprise when his death was announced in the media.  We now can only do a celebration looking back instead of celebrating the man, the myth, the legend.  

Look what Michael J. Fox has done with his documentary Still.  An amazing depiction of his journey with Parkinson’s disease.  We’ve known of his diagnosis for thirty years and during that time, the public whether directly or indirectly holds him in their hearts for his bravery.

“To have and to hold” isn’t about smothering the individual on their journey.  It’s about companioning them in the most dignified manner possible.  What would you want from those around you?  

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