By Bona

Many people in the Western part of Africa ignore that sex can cause pleasure but also prove that it could lead Mental Health Issues also.

God created sex to enjoy as couples or partners and also allow childbirth. Intercourse is a way that a female and a male come together to have an intimacy to create bond, good communication, happiness and so on. As well as we use sex to feel good, it can cause pain, anxiety, fear, depression and lack of pleasure.  So, good sex brings harmony, joy, peace in our lives and if it is wrongly done, this can cause frustration and desperation; distress, discomfort, stress and bad mood in the relationship. Many people suffer from it . In fact, good sex brings contentment, happiness, joy, satisfaction and happiness in homes.

In this case, I will like to write about the negative side of having sex and the Mental issues that derive from it.  In this particular topic, I will elaborate some cases that I experienced in the Western part of African where I came from.

Some of the reasons are partly caused by religion where rules and laws are dictated . For example, in Islam, traditions and culures , sex cannot be done before marriage and a girl to retain her virginity is very important in a family. Being a virgin must be honoured to save the family from shame and humility in the town or community. Parents prepare their daughters for a big day in marriage. Some families decide to stop their daughters  education to get married to maintain their purity.  The girls could be married to men of their lineage and not to men of their choice.  They can be incompatible in many ways but to only satisfy their families.

Issues

Many of the married women cry of desperation and pain in love making. Their husbands have no experience of love making because of lack of knowledge in the matter.  Things like shyness, shame, lack of confidence and awareness could contribute to Mental Health issues too.

Let me take another example of one lady called Xyla (anonymous) who was cut and when young. She was so proud to have perform circumcision. She got married later and had two children. During our conversation, she started crying how she felt scared to have intercourse with her husband . Each time at the sight her husband comes into their bed , she  started crying before the penetration. She gets traumatised and trembles before anything happens. The husband feels sad each time he desires her. What really happened was the fact that the male organ was very big and she was tiny down there. She told me circumcision made her so.

After many meetings and talking about the same topic, I advised her to find a lubricant water based oil that she brought later. She felt better after some talking therapies. The couple is happier Now because she opened up to me as a friend.

There are many reasons to help us understand this topic. After the first example about incompatibility in couple, I will like to mention the problems caused by menopause.

What is Menopause?

The menopause is when a woman stops having periods. It’s a natural part of ageing that usually happens between 45 and 55 years old. This could be worldwide.

In this particularly topic, I want to explain about menopause in West Africa and it’s impact on mental issues. In a particular village I came from whenever a woman ceased to have menstruation , she also stop having sexual intercourse. Women always that it was normal not knowing that it is the time to have sex.

It took me years to try to persuade them but to no avail. A lady insisted that menopause caused fibroids and tummy to grow bigger. She continued to say that they needed to have sex but afraid to do so. Therefore, women are obliged to allow their spouse to marry a new wife. Even though they gave their consent to marry another one , they are not happy. I think that they care less they had never enjoyed sexual intercourse because it is a taboo to speak about it because religion forbids to mention it. Many women got frustrated and ended being depressed. Women get aged rapidly due to mental issues. This is the reason why lack of sex caused frustration, anxiety and unhappiness. There are women especially in rural areas that stop love making because they don’t see their menstruations.

I travelled to a village to visit an uncle. He had 4 wives who share their husband every three nights. I noticed the 3 of the wives don’t go to him anymore. I was interested to understand the reason. So, we went into some conversations. I asked them to know who would be paying  a visit to my uncle tonight. They started laughing and told me that for two years they stopped having sex because of the menopause.

I was shocked to know that the last and young wife was the only one enjoyed sex because she was still having her menstruation.   Then, I told them that having menopause doesn’t stop from having sex. They replied by saying that having at that stage gives illnesses. In fact, they were still having some feelings . They told me that they could not sex even if they wanted it.

We have many categories  about sex and mental issues but the last one is about forced girls to leave colleges and marry because poverty.

Many parents finding it difficult to sponsor their children to school. In fact, they remove them especially girls from the age of 14 to 16 to marry them against their willing.  Poverty caused this situation that pushed them to live a life of frustration and anxiety because they starting having babies.

At the end of situation caused by these cases, sex is not pleasurable as long as there is not compatible in the couple; menopause consequences in marriage and forced marriages because of poverty. Awareness is necessary and it is through trainings that we can achieve a better education to avoid issues in mental health.

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