At some level, maybe Chris Foerster was hoping that the videos he kept sending to his stripper friend Kijuana Nige would go public. He just never imagined how viral it would be once she published him doing cocaine off his desk while at the office.

As reported on NFL.com, Foerster had almost reached the point of no return. “I was to the point where I was just praying to God, I want this stuff out,” Foerster explained, speaking publicly for the first time by phone from the sober living facility in South Florida where he’s staying while continuing intensive outpatient treatment.

“Not like exposed, but I want this out of my life. I can’t do this anymore. All this s— I had going on outside of work, I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to drink anymore. I don’t want to use anymore. And sure enough, two weeks later, the video came out. So you can say it’s divine intervention. It wasn’t the way I saw everything leaving my life like that. But I knew it was coming. At 55 years old, man, I just couldn’t do this anymore.”

When he got to rehab, Foerster recalls, he was asked to list the consequences of his actions.

“The No. 1 consequence for me is I have a chance to fix my life,” he said. “I have a chance to get well, I have a chance to get right, I have a chance to get better, I have a chance to try to repair relationships that may be destroyed and ruined for the rest of my life. But I have a chance to get it right, man. And I’m sincere in that.

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To read more about how Chris Foerster is handling his time in rehab, please visit NFL.com.