Dysregulated Kids: The Guide to Supporting Brain Regulation in Children
As parents and caregivers, we understand the importance of nurturing our children's Emotional well-being. However, some children and teens struggle with emotional regulation, leading to strong emotional reactions to small levels of distress leading to disruptive behavior at school and home.
Dysregulation can manifest in many ways, such as temper tantrums, aggression, impulsivity, and anxiety, making it challenging for parents and caregivers to manage.
Table of Contents
Chapter 1: What is Self-Regulation in Children
Chapter 2: What is Brain Dysregulation in Children?
Chapter 3: Signs and Symptoms of Dysregulated Kids
Chapter 4: The Brain and Emotional Dysregulation
Chapter 5: Why are Some Kids so Over-Reactive?
Chapter 6: Is Emotional Dysregulation Normal?
Chapter 7: Brain Dysregulation Triggers
Chapter 8: How Does Emotional Regulation in Children Develop?
Chapter 9: What Does the Research Say About Self-Regulation and Mental Health
Chapter 10: Foundational Skills for Emotional and Behavioral Self-Regulation
Chapter 11: How Can I Teach My Child Self-Regulation Skills?
Chapter 12: Parent Strategies for Emotional Dysregulation?
Chapter 13: What are Self-Regulation Strategies for Children
Chapter 14: How to Help a Child Calm Down?
Chapter 15: Co-Regulation: Sharing Your Calm
Chapter 16: Mindfulness and Self-Regulation
Chapter 17: Self-Regulation Examples
Chapter 18: Social Skills and Emotional Regulation
Chapter 19: Self-Regulation and ADHD
Chapter 20: Sensory Processing and Emotional Regulation
Chapter 21: Executive Functioning and Emotional Control
Chapter 22: Emotional Regulation and Anxiety
Chapter 23: Exercises to Calm the Brain
Chapter 24: Therapies For Emotional Regulation
Children who struggle with emotional regulation may have difficulty paying attention in class, following instructions, and maintaining positive relationships with peers. They may also experience academic difficulties, leading to lower grades and decreased self-esteem.
Supporting brain regulation in children is crucial for their well-being and success. Parents and caregivers play a critical role in helping children develop emotional regulation skills, which can positively impact their behavior, academic outcomes, and social relationships.
Teaching children self-regulation skills can help them manage their emotions and behavior more effectively, leading to improved mental health outcomes and better academic performance.
Chapter 1
What is Self-Regulation in Children?
Self-regulation refers to the ability to control one's emotions, thoughts, and behaviors in response to internal and external stimuli in one's environment. It involves managing impulses, delaying gratification, and adapting to changing situations. That means getting uncomfortable sometimes and creating a window of tolerance and that is exactly what Marina learned to do.
Children and adults need healthy self-regulation skills. Otherwise, we would be in a constant state of activation. Self-regulation skills are essential for children's success in every area of their life including academics, social interactions, and lifelong emotional well-being.
At school, dysregulated children may struggle to pay attention in class and complete academic tasks. They may experience difficulty following instructions, staying organized, and maintaining positive relationships with peers. These academic and social difficulties can lead to decreased motivation, lower academic achievement, and lower self-esteem.
At home, dysregulated children may have difficulty following routines and rules, leading to conflict and tension between family members. Parents and caregivers may feel overwhelmed, frustrated, and unsure of how to manage their child's behavior, as well as perplexed as to why it is even happening. These children may struggle to communicate their feelings effectively, leading to misunderstandings and further dysregulation.
As dysregulated as some children can get, calming the dysregulated brain and teaching coping and calm brain strategies will change behavior with consistent effort. So many children and teens like Martina can turn around their behavior when parents get the right tools in their hands.
Chapter 2
What is Brain Dysregulation in Children?
Dysregulated children may exhibit a range of behaviors that can make their life very stressful for the child and their family. Their constant reactivity to just about anything and everything puts parents on edge and strains relationships. Their lack of self-soothing and calming down when upset is hard on the child and parent. For Martina and her parents, that was the hardest part of her reactivity, how much it affected their relationship.
- Frequent mood swings or intense emotional reactions to minor events
- Difficulty managing anger and frustration, leading to verbal or physical outbursts
- Poor impulse control, leading to impulsive and reckless behaviors
- Difficulty with transitions and changes in routine, leading to resistance or oppositional behavior
- Difficulty with self-regulation, such as calming down or self-soothing when upset
- Difficulty paying attention and staying focused, leading to academic difficulties and poor performance
- Difficulty with social skills, such as making and maintaining friendships
- Always saying, “No” before saying “yes” to something
- Non-compliant behaviors
- Poor sleep habits or disrupted sleep patterns
- Sensory processing issues or sensory reactivity
- Physical symptoms such as stomachaches, headaches, or muscle tension in response to stress.
Chapter 3
Signs and Symptoms of Dysregulated Kids
Brain dysregulation occurs when brain waves become over or under stimulated, which can occur for a variety of reasons. When the brain becomes dysregulated, especially in the emotional centers of the brain, then it becomes hard for a child or teen to process emotionally coded information.
Common Causes of Brain Dysregulation that Lead to Dysregulated Behavior
- Clinical issues such as ADHD, autism, anxiety, depression,
- OCD, PANS/PANDAS, etc.
- Sensory processing issues
- Compounded stressors
- Genetic mutations
- Genetics
- Infections and toxins
- Brain injury
- Diet and nutritional deficiencies
- Trauma
- Environmental stressors
- Academic and educational stressors
- Social issues
- Poor sleep
The brain is responsible for processing and regulating emotions, and when this system is disrupted, emotional dysregulation can occur. Dysregulated children may have difficulty with emotional self-regulation, leading to difficulties in attention, behavior, and social interactions.
Download: 147 Therapist-Endorsed Self-Regulation Strategies for Children
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Is your child inflexible?
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Tired of walking on eggshells around your child’s mood, behavior and emotions? It’s time you take back control! Stop the cycle of dysregulation and achieve calm with these proven self-regulation strategies.
Chapter 4
The Brain and Emotional Dysregulation
Emotional regulation is a complex process that involves various regions of the brain, including the prefrontal cortex, amygdala, and hippocampus.
The limbic system is responsible for interpreting emotional information and it includes the amygdala and hippocampus. The amygdala is responsible for processing emotions, including fear, anger, and pleasure. The hippocampus plays a role in memory and emotional regulation. These regions interpret potential “threats” but in a dysregulated, overactive brain, it misinterprets everything as a threat.
Dysregulation can occur when the prefrontal cortex is not adequately regulating the amygdala's emotional responses. The braking system of the brain, the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for executive function, such as planning and decision-making, struggles to do its job. When this happens, emotional responses can become exaggerated, leading to emotional dysregulation.
The first step of our BrainBehaviorReset Program is a QEEG Brain Map and there is a clear pattern of brain dysregulation that emerges with reactive kids that reflects difficulties in these areas. The Brain Map is an important diagnostic tool that helps us understand what clinical issues are affecting a child’s capacity to respond. Even though dysregulated kids get diagnoses such as Oppositional Defiant Disorder because they are so resistant to everything, there is much we can do to calm a dysregulated brain including neurofeedback, PEMF, and magnesium.
Chapter 5
Why are Some Kids so Over-Reactive?
- Children can be over-reactive for various reasons, including behavioral modeling at home, genetic predisposition, trauma, or environmental factors. Children who experience trauma or adverse childhood experiences may have difficulty with emotional regulation, leading to dysregulation. Environmental factors, such as stress or lack of sleep, can also contribute to dysregulation.
Internalizing and Externalizing Behaviors
| Type of Dysregulated Behavior | Definition | Examples |
| Internalizing | Dysregulated behaviors that are directed inward, often manifesting as emotional or psychological distress. | Anxiety, depression, withdrawal, perfectionism, rumination, social anxiety, selective mutism, self-harm, suicidal ideation |
| Externalizing | Dysregulated behaviors that are directed outward, often manifesting as behavioral or social difficulties. | Aggression, impulsivity, oppositional behavior, hyperactivity, temper tantrums, verbal or physical outbursts, property destruction, stealing, lying, substance abuse |
Chapter 6
Is Emotional Dysregulation Normal?
Emotional dysregulation is a common and perfectly normal experience, particularly for children who are still developing their self-regulation skills. Tantrums and big reactions every once in a while is something every child experiences.
However, persistent dysregulation can be a sign of a clinical problem that is impacting a child's development and well-being. Children who experience chronic dysregulation may struggle with social interactions, academic performance, and communication skills.
No child wants to be angry and upset and boy do they feel awful afterwards. Martina was so ashamed of her years of emotional upset, that we had to spend more time doing cognitive-behavioral therapy addressing that shame. Then we went on to calm her brain with neurofeedback. The benefit of neurofeedback is that it regulates the brain safely and naturally. For Martina, that paved the way for cognitive-behavioral work that changed her and her family's lives.
Chapter 7
Brain Dysregulation Triggers
Certain triggers can lead to dysregulation in children, including stress, fatigue, hunger, and overstimulation. Children may also struggle with dysregulation when faced with novel or overwhelming situations. Understanding a child's triggers can help parents and caregivers provide support and prevent dysregulation from occurring.
It's important to note that triggers for dysregulated behavior can be complex and multifaceted, and may require a holistic and individualized approach to support self-regulation and well-being.
Encourage children to recognize their triggers and use strategies proactively, before they become overwhelmed or dysregulated. Reinforcing positive behavior and practicing strategies consistently can also support the development of self-regulation skills over time. If dysregulated behavior persists or becomes severe, seeking professional support is always a good idea.
Chapter 8
How Does Emotional Regulation in Children Develop?
As children grow and develop, their emotional regulation skills begin to mature and become more refined. In the early years, infants and toddlers rely on their caregivers to help them regulate their emotions. This is because their brains and nervous systems are not yet fully developed. They have not yet developed the cognitive and emotional tools necessary to manage their own emotions.
As children enter the preschool years, they begin to develop some basic emotional regulation skills. They may start to use language to express their emotions and may engage in simple self-soothing behaviors like sucking their thumb or holding a favorite toy. They may also start to learn basic problem-solving skills, like how to ask for help when they need it.
As children move into the school-age years, their emotional regulation skills become more complex. When developing typically, they start to use more sophisticated problem-solving strategies to manage their emotions, such as taking a break or engaging in physical activity to help calm down.
When they have good modeling at home and school, they start to develop a better understanding of their own emotions and the emotions of others, which is reflected in good communication and social skills.
Throughout adolescence, emotional regulation skills continue to develop and mature. Adolescents may begin to rely more on cognitive strategies, such as cognitive reappraisal or positive self-talk, to manage their emotions. For teens that really develop strong emotional intelligence, they may also develop a greater sense of self-awareness and a better understanding of their own emotional triggers, which can help them anticipate and manage their emotions more effectively.
It's important to note that emotional regulation skills continue to develop into early adulthood, with the prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain responsible for executive functioning and emotional control) continuing to develop well into the mid-20s.
This means that young adults may still be developing and refining their emotional regulation skills, which highlights the importance of ongoing support and education around emotional regulation throughout childhood and adolescence.
Chapter 9
What Does the Research Say About Self-Regulation and Mental Health?
Research has shown that self-regulation skills are crucial for mental health and well-being. Children who have developed self-regulation skills have better outcomes in academic achievement, social interactions, and mental health.
A study published in the Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry found that self-regulation skills in early childhood were a significant predictor of mental health outcomes in adolescence and adulthood (Blair & Raver, 2015).
Another study published in the Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology found that self-regulation skills in early childhood predicted better social and academic outcomes in middle childhood (Morgan et al., 2016).
Research has also shown that dysregulation is associated with various mental health issues, such as anxiety, depression, and behavioral disorders. A study published in the Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry found that dysregulated preschool children were at a higher risk for developing behavioral and emotional disorders (Lavigne et al., 2015).
Another study published in the Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology found that dysregulated children were more likely to experience anxiety and depression symptoms (Wagner et al., 2016).
Dysregulated Behaviors and their Potential Impact on Academic, Social and Emotional Functioning
Chapter 10
Foundational Skills for Emotional and Behavioral Self-Regulation
Some children are born with a high emotional IQ but most learn the skills over time. When a child has clinical issues such as ADHD, anxiety, autism, learning disability or another issue that impacts brain regulation, then learning simply isn’t as easy. Children who struggle with emotional and behavioral dysregulation need extra and explicit reinforcement in developing foundational skills that can help them regulate their emotions and behaviors effectively.
Slow Down and Create Space
One of the most important foundational skills for emotional and behavioral self-regulation is the ability to slow down and be mindful. This skill involves taking a moment to pause and reflect before reacting to a situation. By creating space, children can gain a clearer perspective on the situation and make more appropriate responses.
Connect to the Body
Children who struggle with emotional and behavioral dysregulation may benefit from techniques that help them connect with their bodies, such as deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or yoga. These techniques can help children become more aware of their bodily sensations, so they can learn to understand the range of emotions they are experiencing.
Learn How to Tolerate Uncomfortable Sensations
Another foundational skill for emotional and behavioral self-regulation is the ability to tolerate uncomfortable sensations. By doing this, one can find healthy coping mechanisms to manage difficult emotions and experiences.
Label Emotions
Children who are able to identify and label their emotions accurately are better equipped to regulate their emotions effectively. Labeling emotions can help children understand what they are feeling and why, which can aid in emotional regulation.
Be Kind to Your Mind
This skill involves adopting a growth mindset and embracing mistakes as opportunities to learn and grow. By being kind to themselves, children can develop a more positive relationship with their thoughts and emotions, which can aid in emotional regulation.
Use Positive Language
Children who use positive self-talk are better equipped to regulate their emotions effectively. Using positive language can help children reframe negative thoughts and emotions in a more positive light, which aids in emotional regulation and handling upset and frustration.
Chapter 11
How Can I Teach My Child Self-Regulation Skills?
Teaching self-regulation skills to children can help them develop emotional regulation and better mental health outcomes. Here are some tips for teaching self-regulation skills to children:
- Model self-regulation: Children learn by example, so it's essential to model self-regulation skills. Practice calming techniques, such as deep breathing, mindfulness, and positive self-talk.
- Provide a safe and predictable environment: A predictable environment can help children feel secure and less anxious. Stick to routines, provide clear expectations, and offer a calm and safe environment.
- Encourage problem-solving: Encourage children to problem-solve and come up with solutions to challenging situations. This can help them feel more in control and less overwhelmed.
- Offer choices: Offer children choices to help them feel more in control of their environment. This can also help them develop decision-making skills.
- Practice patience: Learning self-regulation skills takes time and patience. Be patient with your child and offer support and guidance.
Chapter 12
Parent Strategies for Emotional Dysregulation
By understanding why emotional dysregulation occurs and implementing effective coping mechanisms, parents can help their children develop healthy emotional regulation skills for a lifetime.- Understand why your kid is behaving that way.
- Monitor your child's overall health.
- Reinforce positive behaviors.
- Manage your child's stress.
- Support your child during meltdowns.
- Provide social support.
- Communicate positively.
- Empower them.
- Set limits.
- Use cognitive reappraisal strategy.
Download: 147 Therapist-Endorsed Self-Regulation Strategies for Children
Is your child overly sensitivie or reactive?
