Don’t forget to look me up on Instagram, TikTok, and Twitter under “RealAutismSpeak” if you want to follow my daily exploits, for more than what I’m able to put out here–for the time–on this blog! Also on Clouthub, Gab, MAGAbook, Telegram, GETTR, Minds, Truth Social, and Locals as well….might look into Substack too.

Previous entry in the miniseries is here.

Before we get to the main content, I have a couple of updates that I’d like to share:

For anyone who hasn’t heard, Robert F Kennedy Jr has recently announced his candidacy for President of the United States…..and followed it up on his campaign trail with some very questionable public statements about Autism. Funny timing with it too, really, because it is the Autistic “Black History Month”, so it’s almost like he was trying to capitalize on what’s subconsciously on the minds of those in the know. That being said, I saw part of our community flipping out over his words, concerned that the “takedown” of the LGBTQ community is gonna wind up having Autism yanked into that, and….just the regular hullabaloo, really. I will give those who freaked out some credit though; you know why?

You just proved what I keep saying about empowering your Autistic abilities, even if you want to keep screaming “disability”! To connect those pieces ahead of time, and to know that this intent is likely on the horizon is what I always refer to as chess-playing, which up to now, the Normies usually bomb at, but it’s what makes our brain capabilities so amazing. The kicker in all of this? That it’s gotten to the point were Robert F Kennedy Jr is able to very publicly make those statements is an indicator you probably should’ve been joining me in standing by what makes us so unique and special, rather than capitulating to their “disability” narrative, to begin with, rather than buying into it out of a desperate plea for approval from the matrix-followers.

That said, just before I started working on this entry, I briefly had it out with someone else on Twitter who pushed the “Autism is a disability, but disability isn’t a bad thing” argument, and in the process I asked “so then why must we used that word with such a negative association, all the time?” to which I basically got a stone-walling answer, and simply said “thanks for clearing that up, have a nice day”; please stop telling me you don’t view being Autistic negatively if you’re gonna give me that horseshit; it’s literally no better than the weasel-wording I hear from folks off the spectrum, all the time. And before you say to me “well do you think maybe we’re really no better than they are?” When you agree to the terms of the lower frequencies, this is 117% true, but all the same, I see what you can do when you’re put in a situation that requires those capabilities in action. No, I’m not gonna cry over you’re not using them, just telling you not to waste your time–or mine– telling me what isn’t there when it clearly is.

While I’m at it, I was recently listening to a chat in the breakroom at work featuring our favorite co-worker, as she’d recently gone to an Easter meal with her family, and she mentioned they got the opportunity to “reminisce about the old days”, and overall she had a good time doing it. Take note of the entry I linked above talking about getting results, as well as this one about how most of the people complaining how “things aren’t how they used to be” don’t actually remember how things used to be. Understand that a lot of folks in this world are perfectly content with the way things are, they just like to complain; the only thing they really want is for the world to return to when you weren’t there to challenge them on their inconsistencies, otherwise life is just the way they want it, even if they lead you to believe otherwise.

With that out of the way, let us now conclude the story of this chapter of my life, shall we?

At the end of May 2007, we officially arrived in Ohio for good; my former roommate and I had job orientations lined up with Cedar Point in the next few days, and all three of us also had to focus on signing the lease for the new apartment, as well as getting our licenses transferred over from NJ to Ohio, and at least with my former roommate and I, we had to get ours taken care of soon, as our licenses were set to expire in NJ in a few short months, so as usual, a lot on the plate, and minimal time to do all of it (incidentally, on the 3rd trip out before moving, we’d managed to get interviews with the nearby Blockbuster Video, and not only did the interviews not go well, we didn’t think they went well on the manager’s end, either, so it was no major loss to us….and the location didn’t last too long after, either). That said, I remember one night–while we were still in a hotel, before getting into the new apartment–my former roommate and his girlfriend were out with her friends, and I decided to head out myself, to find a place to eat, and donate some clothes to charity; I remember quite clearly discovering I’d driven all the way out to a few neighboring towns, before I genuinely noticed a Taco Bell, and one of those donation receptacles. I viewed the experience, however, as “getting to know the new area”, to a point. I won’t lie though…..while I was relieved to be “starting over fresh” at a new place in life, I also felt like I was in a bit of a rut, and I made no question of this, as I drove around the next few days, on the phone with former coworkers, and others; y’wanna hear what I felt in a rut over? Yer gonna love this:

Before I’d left NJ, I found out I was not able to transfer a business license over to the state of Ohio, so I’d have to close down my business operations in NJ, and re-start it out in Ohio (even though I’d never really done almost anything with it in NJ; yes, I put that much emphasis on a piece of paper….ah well, so do college kids, amiright?), and I felt massively insecure in Ohio, not having that “sense of status” of being a business owner to me, as I drove around, trying to get things done. I guess looking back I wanted to feel like I already had “all ducks in a row” despite that not even being possible when I was in brand new territory. While I’m at it, I’d like to mention that the folks I’d chat with on the phone who already found me uncomfortable and intimidating now found me even moreso because I actually did what I said I was going to do, and moved out to Ohio. Let’s just say most of them I only heard from a few more times at most, before I no longer really did; and don’t think I didn’t try to keep them around; you know I did.

Cedar Point orientation….was a fucking disaster; I was half-asleep, because I knew I had to get up really early for it, and had sleeping problems as a result, they had very outdated instructions that I really had to be at attention for, and as a result I got really confused, and found them complicated, and the person attempting to train us didn’t seem to have the patience to deal with me, and I blew up at her in front of all the others at orientation, and stormed out. I told my Dad and my former roommate what had happened, told him he probably shouldn’t waste his time either (I admit, I was kinda pushy about it, but knowing what I know now, it wouldn’t have mattered anyway), and neither of us returned for what would have been our first shift the next day; instead, he put in an application to return to this waterpark/hotel resort called Kalahari, and I also put in an application for it, as well as started putting applications in everywhere else; now, before I continue on with this part, cause it gets a bit fun here, yes, I did just say “he put in an application to return to Kalahari”, indicating he’d already been there before; well, here’s something I didn’t bring up last time:

At some point before the guy we were gonna move out with dropped out, he decided to move out there on his own, live a few months with his girlfriend, and then join us when we got out there. At the time, he got a job at Kalahari, and he’d even call me and tell me that he just got off, was driving off, over the bridge of Sandusky to head back to her place, and all that. I was really proud of him, and cheering for him, the whole time. Then…he started saying that he was beginning to have difficulties, and didn’t think he could do this, and I kept trying to encourage him, prop him up, and all that. Well….one night, he did something really stupid to piss off his girlfriend and her Mom, and wound up getting kicked out, having to move back to NJ in the process. In my mind, this meant he probably wasn’t mature enough to live out on his own, and he should probably just come out at a later date when he was ready, and it would just be me (and the guy who would eventually drop out, all the same); well, my mistake was attempting to get involved in their drama, and I officially became the bad guy, in the process, and wound up relenting. As I learned from my former Stop & Shop coworker, these are the types of things ya just gotta learn to stay out of; not my place to work out drama that most Normies really seem to enjoy. I was trying to get quality results for everyone, but most people don’t want quality. And yes, they made up, are still together, the whole nine yards, whatever. Incidentally, however, looking back, I’m of the impression that on a subconscious level he wanted to fail. I did state in the last entry that he seemed to be getting a bit antsy about going off on his own, even if he did posture to his parents how impressed with himself he was that he was doing it. Seems to be one of those that just likes to be told what to do by a dominant authority figure, as when he returned home for a few months, his parents were very strict about when he was to be at the table to eat, when he was to go to bed, etc, and he was fine with it; I am not like that, nor have I ever been, nor do I want to be.

So anyway, my former roommate successfully got back into Kalahari, and I confess early on I was very jealous of him, from how nice the place looked, upon my checking it out when he was there (to pick up an application), and I was officially “in between jobs”, since I’d not been able to get the transfer from the Target in Rockaway Township; incidentally enough, on our last trip out–before moving–we’d gone into the new Target in Sandusky; it was gorgeous, and I felt a little despondent that I hadn’t been able to get in; a “grass is greener” mentality, if you will. Well, in the mere 6 months or so since we’d left to get ready to move out there, the place went completely to shit, so I guess that had worked out. All the same, I found myself applying to ten places per day for a little over a week, and while I was in the process of doing so, I also took it upon myself to make sure to keep up on my bill payments for the period, and also shop around for shelving units for my room, and a nice small TV set, and a VCR/DVD combo set…both of which I managed to locate exactly what I wanted at, of all places, K-Mart in Norwalk…which by the way, is also the town where I went to the Taco Bell, that night! It was during this period of filling out applications by the way that I picked one up at the hotel where that very attractive redhead desk clerk mentioned here was working, that everyone and their Mom told me I should’ve asked out….but as I had no job at the time, and believed I had to focus on that, decided not to proceed with doing so.

Now, here’s where things get very, very exciting: the first major difference I ever experienced between Ohio and NJ: everyone was calling me up for job interviews in Ohio, and to the point where they were fighting over my application! That’s right…..before I officially had my first new job in Ohio, I actually had the opportunity to choose between two jobs, that both viewed me as qualified. Both of these jobs, were incidentally, on Catawba Island, which is attached (or something) to Port Clinton, which is where my former room-mate’s girlfriend lives. The choices were between a hotel and a McDonald’s; I actually decided to go with McDonald’s, because they offered me better pay, as long as I stayed the full duration of the summer, and they claimed there would still be decent hours after it, whereas that wouldn’t be a guarantee with the hotel. So now, I can safely tell you as a former burger-flipper at McDonald’s….it really wasn’t that bad. Would I do it again? Nah, but there were actually some upsides to working there, especially doing the dishwashing; I actually found the process somewhat relaxing, also getting to listen to the radio that was on, and just go into deep thought a bit while the others yapped in the kitchen, and at the register. I didn’t stay at McDonald’s too long though….because I got a call for an interview from Kalahari, and at first I was hesitant cause my new job at McDonald’s had just started, but my former room-mate pushed me to just give it a shot, so I said ok, and set up an interview. Good thing I did too, because I told the manager at Kalahari that my biggest concern was the distance to Catawba Island, and he said when the weather gets bad, the Bridge over the Bay is either extremely hazardous, or shut down completely, and then I gotta re-route thru the town of Fremont…a whole thing, really. So, I got the job at Kalahari, gave McDonald’s two weeks notice, and here’s where things are gonna start getting really, really important:

The first year and a half of my tenure with Kalahari was a goddamn honeymoon, as far as I’m concerned, even if the first month or two were a smidge on the bumpy side, not specifically due to the actual job per se, mind you, but from first getting there a few minutes late on my first day (somehow), and also being in the process of trying to get my driver’s license transferred over to an Ohio license…..the process of which might I add first resulted in yet another meltdown, this time at the BMV testing ground, as I failed the written test, yet again, partially resulting in my going to counseling (of my own choosing to do), & being semi-consumed with studying the Driver’s manual all the time while I was at work, to re-take the written test as often as I needed to, as I was afraid of running the clock out in a few months (although incidentally enough, I would pass with flying colors the second round of testing, and apologizing to everyone I flipped out on), and I confess I felt like if I went over the rules in my head from reading the book, what “came naturally over the years of driving” might be undone as I’m going thru the actual test, if that makes sense. Now, on an interesting note about this (yes, I’m going to get back to the importance of the “bumpy ride” of the first few months at Kalahari in a moment): part of what was so important about passing in Ohio to me was that the points I had on my NJ license wouldn’t transfer over to Ohio; I’d have a clean bill on my license out in Ohio…..and basically the entire time I lived in NJ, the DMV and I were constantly at odds; constantly. Well, after I successfully passed the written test with flying colors, got my new license, and announced it to everybody, one day while I was heading to work, I passed a stationary school bus that kids were exiting from, and had a court summons as a result. I got off with a mere slap on the wrist, and a couple hundred dollar fine, but also had six points on my license, from that; literally just as I’d gotten it transferred over from NJ to Ohio. I was terrified and anxious the whole time leading up to the court date that I was gonna lose my license, and have to re-take everything, yet again. Well, this incident actually wound up helping me in a way, because I loved Ohio so much that I finally had an incentive to learn to do better. Yes, it took 13 long years after that to finally get to not even getting pulled over for something once a year anymore, but at least I finally had a reason to work harder and put in the effort to do it.

So aside from that, they first had me at the front of this eatery at the hotel called Cafe Mirage, to do the bulk of my training, and I believe that was a few weeks, at least. After a few weeks, they started sending me to the back part that connects to the waterpark, which is known as Safari Snacks, and I don’t remember if it was the first night, or several nights later, but they told me I’d be working with a girl named “Jeanette“; care to guess who this “Jeanette” was? And let me tell you folks: during the entire time everyone watched us interact, they were absolutely fucking positive Jeanette was utterly smitten with me, in every conceivable way. I didn’t see it, and for several reasons, among them she was already in a relationship, whenever I tried to clear it up based on the testimony of our coworkers, she’d “dodge” it, and run back to “hiding” behind the relationship with her boyfriend, our fellow coworkers had zero answers for any of that (low frequency, what do you expect?), and let us not forget what comes into play about my borderline-suicidal depression, and severe inferiority complex. Despite the fact that my bosses and coworkers considered me the one of the “model” employees (yet again)–and might I add, out here that actually seemed to mean something; I even got an award for it–I kept thinking “what would this gorgeous gal want with a loser like me?” Oh, and I made no secret of it, I openly stated this to my coworkers as well, including in front of one of my supervisors who–one night–decided to yank me away from Safari Snacks while I was very busy with customers to tell me “there were rumors going around that she was sleeping around, and she wasn’t”, and I basically laid into her right there and then for pulling me away from paying customers, and wasting my time with drama bullshit I couldn’t have cared less about, regardless of what the other coworkers do…..in front of all the other coworkers, and to this day, I’m positive that deep down she felt so embarrassed by this, wanted vindication from it, and pulled the stunt mentioned here as a result, having seen how deep my insecurities ran.

As the months continued by, I would attempt to get closer to Jeanette, since we did seem to have some level of chemistry, including inviting her and her boyfriend to our place to play video games…and I admit, when he kissed her in front of us, I did get a little bit jealous. During this time, I would both do some toy runs here and there (including even planning trips out to Cleveland and Toledo with my room-mate for them, similar to what I mentioned Pixel Dan still does here), and would also start working on setting up a new online business, this time with my room-mate as a partner. I would also continue chatting with folks back in NJ on the phone, and here’s where things got even more interesting:

One thing I neglected to mention in some of the recent previous entries was that, after the death of my Mom, I continued having it out with my Grandma constantly, and to the point where I just said “fuck it, I’m done”, and she was left to talking with my Dad, and that was it; I got a Birthday card from her in the mail at one point in NJ, sounding like she’d finally relented and indicated “you win”, realizing…..I was all she had left of her daughter, now; either take me as I am, or lose all that’s left, due to being stuck in a mindset that pushes me away. We started conversing after that, and after actually deciding to learn about what was there, rather than what she expected to be there….she fell head over heels for it. Every time I would talk on the phone with her, excitement rang high in her voice, and I just had the best imaginable chats with her known to man. To think that the last five years of her life (she passed in January of 2011), everything she was getting from me, she could’ve had the whole time but was so adamant in doing things the way she knew them, she was too afraid to look beyond the horizon, until pushed to it, and she couldn’t have enjoyed it more once she did. This was a lesson I was hoping the rest of my family would figure out, but….alas.

The reason I bring this up is because during those months, when I’d be talking to people from back home, they told me they noticed a difference in me that I wouldn’t have picked up on to save my life; they said I sounded far more upbeat in my tone than I ever had, back in NJ. Remember what I said a few entries ago about how hard it is to notice changes when you’re “too close to it”, still, and how it may take years to look back, and say “oh I get it now”? I told my Grandma on the phone that everyone was saying how different my demeanor sounded, and hell if I could pick up on any of it. She said it was obvious. She reminded me that I absolutely loved where I lived now, and I despised living in NJ with a passion, and my aura and tone very much reflected that, apparently on a subconscious level. Perhaps this was something else Jeanette had gravitated toward, looking back.

Well incidentally, on New Years Eve, I was at my computer desk thinking to myself “I remember Jeanette said she and her boyfriend are getting married soon; I should probably check in on her to get more information on the date for the wedding”, and I woke up the next day to being bombarded with text messages telling me to call her as soon as I could, and from there she told me the wedding was off, the guy was abusive, she moved back in with her parents, the whole nine yards (she’d already quit Kalahari months before, but I checked up on her with calls here and there), as mentioned one of the entries, linked above. I was walking around some of the stores on Rt 250 later that day, worried about her, and I realized I couldn’t stop thinking about her, and I was beginning to take this as “maybe there’s a reason I can’t stop thinking about her” (I realize now it was most likely due to concern for her, but back then….figuring out suddenly that maybe there was something to what everyone said about her attraction to me, and–admittedly–going by all the bad writing you’d see in movies and on TV shows about this trope) and I decided to bring it up to my other coworkers, and explore those possibilities.

While we officially became an item toward the end of February of 2008, I would talk to her on the phone the one day I was told she’d be available each week, though not usually long each time; she didn’t seem to have much to say, whatever, I was busy with work. However, between the time we officially became an item (and it was literally sealed with a kiss, as I walked her back to her car one night, after she stopped by briefly to surprise me, and we kissed for the first time), and more started getting into an actual “routine” so to speak of dating, part of the fact that I seemed so neutral about all of it actually kinda bothered me (and yes, I hear all the time now via the Red Pill channels that this is what gals “actually” want, incidentally enough), even though I was thrilled to finally be in a relationship (and in my mind, I’d literally thrown everything I could think of Jeanette’s way, giving her a chance to say “I don’t want this”, and move on….and she hadn’t), and I decided to bring up my concerns to my female friend, who laid out what I know you’ve all been waiting to hear this whole time:

She reminded me “Russell, you’re Autistic; you don’t experience love the way everyone else does; it’s gonna be different for you, but in your own way it’ll be even more worthwhile”. Let’s go back to that list I mentioned in this entry. Was that item on that list? Yes it was; remember how I said a mere list doesn’t articulate shit? For the very first time, someone had actually elaborated for my own specific circumstances the impact something on that list affected me, and because of that connection being made, I was able to lay that out for Jeanette, that it’s what she’d have to deal with. Giving it some actual effort at the time, she proceeded to buy a book by John Elder Robison called “Look Me In the Eyes”, which I read in entirety, and from there, found the WrongPlanet forum online, and regularly started chatting with everyone there, and finally had a community to bounce everything off of, regarding what I experienced, how I experienced it, and a myriad of other things.

I wouldn’t start taking full advantage of my abilities–intentionally– admittedly for several years after that–but just like what I mentioned linked above about the seeds now being planted, I was officially in the “infancy” stages of coming to understand just the impact being Autistic had, but on the same token, seeing all that I had done in life, and thinking to myself “if I could do all that, then how can I be disabled?!” Now, as I continued with my job at Kalahari, did I believe that–in stressful times–many folks used that difference against me to their advantage? I certainly did, but not because I believed myself to be disabled, but more that they were trying to use it against me, under the belief I was. All the same, my rise in the understanding of being on the spectrum–and what actually entailed–all really kicked off here, and today, we are now at completion of this miniseries, as a result.

I want to once again thank Claudia for inspiring me via our Twitter Spaces Event to do this miniseries, not even realizing at the time that it would indeed span a 10-entry-long miniseries, and helping me reflect, look back on everything, and see it from an angle I confess featuring a lot of things that took a lot of time to really resonate that hadn’t as much, until now. I’m also thankful in the process I may have been able to answer a lot of questions for you folks, and give you some new perspectives to some ideas that had been floating around our community, for quite some time. If in all of this, even one or a few people take something from it, then it’s all been worth it.

Now, the next few weeks are gonna be getting a bit crazy, as I’ve got some “split weekends” coming up, with this one being slightly altered, so I could be off for my godson’s birthday party next weekend, then it appears I may have another one next month to cover for the employee who was willing to switch with me for my event, and plus I need a little breather after investing so much time in this, and time to read over the newsstand special, to bring to you my thoughts on it, and of course let you know how my godson’s 2nd birthday party goes. Either way, some big treats will be coming up for you, regardless, and I can hopefully finally get into some heavy territory I’ve been waiting a while to do.

See you folks soon!