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I’m feeling rushed today

And it’s my day off from my day job, a self-care day.

Yet I once again did not get up early. I used the Excuse that I got in just before midnight and didn’t get to bed until almost 1 AM. But I’ve used that excuse before, saying I need to make sure I get enough sleep.

Now that I write this, I see that I have flipped the equation on its head.

For months, I had been writing about not getting enough sleep. I was going to bed at 10 to 1030 PM, then waking up at 1, 3 4, 5 and 6:30 AM. Each time I would try to get back to sleep. This went on for months.

Now I am trying to wake up.

I have been dragging my feet about calling my Psychiatrist about the change that he and I discussed in November.  We agreed that I would increase my Prozac from 20 mg. daily, to 40 mg daily. And coincidentally, shortly after that, I began to have trouble getting up in the morning.

READ MORE: Doing the drugs part II

The bottom line is I have been using excuses not to address the situation.

I have time traveled into the past and the future, creating scenarios about how busy my Psychiatrist is and then minimizing my feelings; “well its only my not being able to get out of bed.” There is a pattern of making any excuse not to address the issue of getting started in the morning.

And on top of that, I am feeling on a deadline.

Not just about the sleep issue, but about the day. I do not want to waste it, but I am feeling that I have set myself up to waste it by not getting out of bed until 9 AM. The old me would have thought this a sin, to waste such a marvelous part of the day.

Mornings have been my most productive time.

READ MORE: Can I tell you the truth?

Yet now, I am not sure where or when I am productive. I seem to be making it up as I go, at least on some days. And I am feeling Rushed as a result. My plan today is to get to a WRAP meeting (wellness recovery action plan) at 12:30. It is already 10:42 AM. I need to get going, to shower, shave, and put on clean clothes.

I’d better hurry up!

The post I’m feeling rushed today appeared first on My Concealed Depression.

This post first appeared on Depression Is Not My Boss, please read the originial post: here

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I’m feeling rushed today


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