Do you Accept you for you?

It’s such an easy concept. Accepting yourself. Loving yourself.

Yeah. Easy.

For some it might be. For others, not so much.

I’m one of those others and I’m working on it. I’ve had Body image issues for a majority of my life. I started off as a tall, rail thin tomboy. Just a stick with a mess of blonde hair and skinned knees and elbows. I was oblivious to everything else other than having fun.

Unfortunately for me puberty ran me over like a fucking mac truck barreling down the highway without so much as a toot of the horn. I stopped growing up and started growing out…every out imaginable. I developed earlier than other girls in my class. That was body issue #1. I didn’t have an understanding of diet and exercise at the tender age of 11. I didn’t know about caloric deficits or have someone teach me about it. Everyone just constantly commented on how fat I was. Body issue #2. Then I got the acne. Oh christ, the acne. Body issue #3.

Being a short, fat, acne filled teenager leads to a very self-conscious self-hating adult.

I self-hated my way down to 115 lbs. I loved it. I was thin. I was getting attention. I was on cloud 9.

In fact, I started dating my husband when I was 115 lbs. Things were great. We got engaged. We got pregnant and I started packing on the pounds. Twins. I didn’t give two hoots about what I ate.

Bad birth control and still a lack of nutrition and proper exercising led to a rapid weight gain. All the way up to 287 lbs.

I. Hated. Myself. I could not accept me for who I was or what I was. I couldn’t understand what my husband saw in me. I didn’t understand how he could love me? All I saw was the lumpy sack of shit that was my body. I was (and still am) so uncomfortable in my own skin. I hid (and still do) under layers and layers of clothes, even when it was 90 degrees out. NOBODY WOULD SEE MY BODY!!!!

I was obsessed. (Still am.)

I’ve come to realize that I will never be happy with myself whether I’m a size 2, 12, or 52 as long as I’m in the mindset that I’m in. I will not succeed if I hate myself.

Nobody can succeed if they hate themselves. When you get to the point of hating everything about you, no amount of weight loss will fix that. It’s one of those mental health issues that you have to work on.

People can tell you all day you’re gorgeous. You look great. You’re amazing. If you don’t love yourself and believe it, you’ll never accept it. The image you have of you will stay with you always.

Before you can be happy with your weight loss journey, you have to be happy with you.

Love yourself.

Accept you, for you. Nobody else’s opinion matters. You have to love yourself.

I’m learning how to love all of my plus size self. You can too!