I’ve been struggling the past few months. Like really struggling.

My first excuse was the holidays. Lots of cleaning and prepping for family coming over, no school for the kids, Blah Blah blah.

Then the cancer scare. That really threw me for a loop and brought me down. I was in limbo for months. A lot of testing and waiting to find out if I had cancer.

I do not.

That should have made me happier. I should be fine.

I’m not.

I’m gaining weight again. All I do is eat. I’m off a normal Sleep pattern.

I’m. A. Hot. Mess.

Why? There’s a few things that come to mind. Me sleep schedule is the biggest problem I know. Working all evening, can’t sleep when I get home, then I end up like I am now. 5 am and can’t sleep.

I won’t be getting up let 7 got the gym… I’m shooting for 11.

A lot of us got rock bottom at one point or another. I’m scraping the bottom and digging deeper.

Have you heard the new ICP song Low? There’s one line in it that says “I look up and I see hell’s glow” (yes, I love ICP. Don’t judge.) That’s how I feel right now.

There’s absolutely no reason why I should. None.

So why do I? Did this funk from the health scare just take deep needed root? Or is my mind just all messed up from the erratic sleep?

Who knows.

What I do know….I need to get my ass back on track. I’m a slacker.