For example, addictive behaviors may have numbed the pain at one time, but now the addiction has become a ball-and-chain. Perfectionism and people-pleasing once helped us to avoid disapproval, but now our true sense of self is crumbling under the weight of others’ expectations. Avoidance and anger may have been employed to keep potentially unsafe people at a distance, but now we are drowning in our loneliness. In other words, the methods of getting through difficult times in the past are now keeping us stuck—disconnected from the beauty of our present life.

Frequently, these self-limiting patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaving are most apparent, and most problematic, in our close relationships. Utilizing attachment theory as a guide, we can discover how these patterns were set-up in our relationships with family and romantic partners. Gaining clarity about our patterns of attachment avoidance (i.e., love avoidance) and attachment preoccupation (i.e., love addiction) empowers us to let go of old survival mechanisms that are no longer serving their purpose and establish healthier ways of relating to ourselves and others.

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