Positive Relationships maintain optimal levels of well being. The "R" of "PERMA" is about fostering and nurturing Positive Relationships (as espoused by Martin Seligman, the distinguished Professor from of Psychology at University of Pennsylvania who gave us Positive Psychology). Relationships are the hallmark of life and every sane individual is connected to others, from Spouse to friends to co-workers and so on. Many Married people, especially men have affinity towards the opposite gender and they sometimes share a very close and complex Relationship (I am referring only to platonic relationships between friends of opposite gender). The relationship becomes complex only in the eyes of the spouse. Nevertheless, if one needs to maintain positive and sustainable relationship with both Spouse and the friend, some of the following tips can be considered:
- Do not talk about your friend all the time in front of your spouse: It is better to feel the goodness of your relationship with your friend from within. Tone down your positive emotions (of empathy, compassion etc) that you feel in being connected to your friend (s). Remember that your emotions about your friend is difficult for your spouse to digest. If you praise your friend in front of your spouse, she would not like it and would suggest that it was she (your spouse) who had better qualities than your friend. Also, your spouse in all possibilities would maintain a pre-conceived bias against your friend in the first place.
- Reducing conversations with your friend: Do a self assessment and reduce the time spent on conversations, in case those interactions are bereft of new ideas or topics. Time can surely be spent on nurturing your family or spending time on your hobbies/interests
- Do not introduce your friend to your spouse : (in case where they have never met): Unless you coincidentally collide at marketplace or a restaurant, it is better not to connect your spouse and your friend socially. It may work if you do but there is a substantial risk involved as the spouse, with her pre-conceived notions would not appreciate your friend holistically
Of course it is all contextual and many people would have different opinions on this subject but to maintain positive relationships, one needs to be smart as well as empathetic, while focusing more on having positive relationships with the family
