It goes without saying, of course, that Jihadists are absolutely fucking petrified of teenage girls. I'm looking at the picture of that weedy no mark who detonated in the Manchester Arena on Monday night. I'm looking at a risible bum fluff moustache that even I could  have comfortably outgrown, and I am imagining - we have yet to find it, but surely it must exist - the inevitable pre-suicide testimonial he would have prepared, setting out his manifesto. He will be holding his index finger aloft, and declaiming known truths that we shall accept.

Shall we play Jihadi bingo?
- western profligacy that promotes godless depravity
- imperialist intervention in Syria for the Assad regime
- rape and murder of innocent women and children by the Kufr crusader entity in the Middle East (not Yazidi lasses though, they don't count)
- whorish young women with their immodest whorish fripperies, daring to place such profane concepts as 'fun' as a priority when millions starve and die

He looks familiar. He looks like failed Pick Up Artist turned Spree Killer Elliot Rodger. I can imagine the little fucker walking into the Arena, burning with contempt at the provocatively dressed females, with their animalistic head adornments, and their crop tops, and their fledgling high heels, and all led by that pagan high priestess of shame, the self proclaimed 'Dangerous Woman' and the sheer threat that she posed to all the pure, devout, modest ladies that he would have known in his family and select peer group. He would probably have known, and despised her, but dressed up his hatred in more acceptable terms like 'she's a talentless pimped up commercial sellout' if he were a non Jihadist. His women wouldn't have lowered themselves to such disgrace, they were good young women. He would probably have lectured them, if he feared his womenfolk were in danger of adopting the ways of these girls.  He would have referred to them as Sister.

There is something strangely terrifying about teenage girls. They are young, nearly always diligent and caring, flirty, chatty, and they are beautiful and seem blissfully casual about the horror of adult life that is about to be unleashed upon them. All consumerism is designed to make women 3 times their age spend their money to resemble them, and harness the desire of men of all ages to be desired by them. They have potential: as future mothers of warriors, if you are a jihadist freak, or as lovers, carers and saviours and future stalwarts of society, culture, technology. They are not you.

And what do they do? If you try to approach them, and outline how you are all young people with a wonderful future that they can grasp, if only you could mould them and guide them, or try to chat to them because you are a really nice guy, they giggle. They giggle at you. Or they look at you like the middle aged, desperate-to-be-down-with them, slightly smelly loser that you are, even if you are the same age as them.

So I heard Barry Gardiner, shadow international trade secretary this morning (26/5/17) begin his opener for the dear, wise, kind, so very very decent, kind, nice Jeremy Corbyn's speech that would outline how the murder of 22 attendees of a gig by Ariana Grande was Becoz Iraq and Dat. "First," he said in that voice you use to soothe a toddler, "let me extend my solidarity  to all those people who have suffered SO tragically in those appalling events...", he started. 'But'....and then he continued to outline, in his fey, so very very sincere voice, "how it should of course be acknowledged, that if only um, military intervention, um, Libya, we bombed, then withdrew, um, not simplistic, military intervention has gone in hard,.. lost its way,... stabilisation, um, has to be right, young people, who are alienated, what Jeremy is trying to say, it is undeniable that radicalised men have used British foreign policy as an excuse..."

I'm thinking of some girl who might have gone to that gig, and I'm thinking that she might easily have heard a very very similar narrative recently, possibly in a tone like Gardiner. It will have started "Of course what has happened to you is terrible and there is OF COURSE no excuse...." they would have soothed, and they would have tried to empathise that of course this is a brutal thing to have happened, but, well, if you want to prevent this sort of thing ...."what do you expect going out and about in a dress like that?".

And this is the problem with legitimate grievance. It explains everything and it explains nothing. It is the intelligent design of political discourse. Corbynite opinion is full of how the dear, kind, decent Mr Corbyn is saying what everyone is thinking. But the problem with believing that if you remove the supposed cause of whatever would-be jihadists cite, they will like you, lovely nice you is its at best deluded and mainly unachievable. Corbyn's speech is only the update of Labour Campaign manager Seamus Milne's infamous retort to the 9/11 attacks (Before the invasion of Iraq, natch):
They can't see why they are hated.

Besides, any fucker can do it:

I think while condemning the actions of Katie Hopkins, we shouldn't be afraid of examining the root causes of Katie Hopkins.

— Cuck Norris (@twlldun) 26 May 2017

@twlldun our actions in the ME (media and entertainment) are responsible for Katie Hopkins and anyone who can't see that is being wilfully ignorant

— Finn Darby (@FinnTD) 26 May 2017

It also fatally misunderstands the rampant misogyny that is the hallmark of jihadism, but also infects the other encounters that teenage girls have had with men from Honour-espousing societies (see look, I'm being as neutral as possible). I hazard a guess, that the men in Rochdale would have kept a close eye on their little sisters, and escorted them to appointments and to school, and if they were spotted, for instance, talking to a white, or black male classmate, been sat down, and given The Conversation. A conversation usually featuring the phrase "we're not having you turning out like these girls".

Jihad Envy
But don't worry, those jihadists don't hate you, do they? You're nice. You would look at a raging hate preacher and think "of course its terrible, but you have to understand, they are just misguided, actually, a lot of core Salafist and so-called extremist ideologies centre on welfare and help for the poor? I mean, its probably austerity that is driving young men and women to be alienated..."

You drink Fairtrade coffee and campaign for union rights. You marched against the War in Iraq. You hated Tony Blair and could sympathise why some, some, might think that this whole Attack thing, well its all a bit false flag, yeah? Yeah. Those Jihadi's, in the unlikely event they storm into your street food festival and urban farmers market, they're soon going to be won over by your informed chit chat on Gaza and the powerful blog you read from John Pilger about the western imperialist plot to prepare for war in Syria (though, hang on, that could save Sunni Muslims from Shia armed aggression, maybe rethink that if you have to plead for your life and double check if its a Sunni attacker). Because secretly, you know, that when a wild eyed beardy is raging about depravity in western society, actually really, he is just on the way to coming out as a proper Marxist, but he doesn't quite know it, he just needs the rough edges smoothed off. And really, you are hoping, 'gosh, I think he might just be the new Che Guevara'.

Because no fucker is prepared to die for international socialism any more are they? But somehow they are. If only you could talk them round. And because you are a nice person who believes that nice people aren't targeted if you can only convince someone that you are nice, and if only we were like Sweden and couldn't possibly have a reason to be hated we'd be safe, no conflict, no awkward stands to make. He's just riled about the sort of injustice that you've always hated, yeah?

I'm sure that nice Mr Corbyn, who everyone is obliged to preface with a testimonial of his kindness and decency would be able to stop all this unpleasantness from happening when he gains power won't he? He would sit and talk to Salman Abedi, and lecture him about his long career of going on protests, and meeting with men of violence in rooms in London and nodding with them and thinking he has achieved peace.

If only that nice Saddam was still in Iraq, but somehow not in Iraq
If only we hadn't helped overthrow Gaddafi, but heavily intervened in nation building even though they didn't want any nation building.
If only we had stopped ISIS but not intervened in Syria, but somehow been able to stop Assad using chemical weapons, or intervened in a way that was non interventionist.
Also, has anyone mentioned the Rohingya? (extra points for mentioning the Bengal Famine in discussions about the 2nd World War)
If only Israel, y'know, just sort of.... went away.
Anyway, we're sorry, and for the invention of the combustion engine and its thirst for oil that has enriched your Wahhabist theocracies but somehow left you poverty stricken, which is our fault.

And then everyone would be safe.

Won't we?