I am disappointed, angry, shell shocked and a whole host of other similar emotions that boil down to the same thing. I never truly expected that my Country would vote Leave, with the myriad of problems experts suggested it would cause.

But it looks like base feelings are stronger in my countrymen than I ever thought possible – because that it what the Leave campaign was counting on and pushing the buttons of. That’s why “take back control” was their slogan without a plan, appealing to those disgusting feelings that we all have but have under control as part of a healthy and compassionate society – and set them lose with a pencil (or pen, just in case a Borrower with a rubber had been hidden in the ballot box by the establishment). (Of course, not all Leave voters were motivated by these emotions, and I think everyone who voted Remain acknowledges that there are positives reasons and to benefits to being out of the EU – but these were not what Leave campaigned on.)

I didn’t make my decision to vote and campaign to Remain on a whim or for any particular love for the EU (it’s an institution; no one loves an institution!). I made it because I heavily considered the benefits of EU membership against the downsides of going it alone. In the EU, we benefited from being part of a group; alone we are just isolated. Something we could cope with when we were a superpower and the British Empire, but we haven’t been that for a VERY long time.

And that is another emotion Leave tapped into – the myth of the Great British Empire straining against piles of red tape from Brussels, and the rose-tinted glasses of a generation who have not yet accepted that Britain isn’t a superpower any more and hasn’t been for a very very long time. If it ever was during their lifetime.

It’s not all down to the Leave campaign though. For too long British politicians of all parties happily used the EU as the bogeyman, the Other against which we can all unite. For too long “bureaucrats in Brussels” were characterised as out to get us and essentially turned into cartoon villains, with even our European neighbours tarred with the same brush. To such an extent that it is clear that it has now joined the British psyche.

However, the democratic will of “the people” has been made clear. My generation has been screwed, yet again, by those who will not feel the real consequences. This isn’t a decision that, unlike an election, can be reversed in five years. It is forever, and we have had our future decided for us and to the opposite of our wishes.

It is clear, at least, that this country is a democracy. The referendum result went against the establishment despite the “fix” claims that emanated from some quarters long before the polling stations even opened. And proved that every vote counts – even if, as one Leave voter said on the BBC Friday morning:

“I’m shocked that we actually have voted to Leave, I didn’t think that was going to happen. My vote, I didn’t think was going to matter too much because I thought we were just going to Remain… I think the period of uncertainty… that’s just been magnified now. So yeah, quite worried.”

I just hope that all the predictions made by experts DO turn out to be wrong (though market turmoil seems definite). I just hope that when Scotland has another independence referendum (as, to my mind, leaving the EU is a fundamental change), it votes to stay with us despite it all. I just hope that we can get through this without becoming the country the Leave campaign played to so effectively.

I was supposed to be at London Pride tomorrow, but I’m not going to go. I can’t. For me, Pride is inclusive; of me, who I am and of my country. Right now, I’m not sure I have pride in my country.

I hope it earns my pride and respect again.