This picture was sent to me when a kind soul visited my Mother in Ibajay Hospital after Holy Week. What a combination of ups and downs, in these past weeks, a spiral or linear movements, a great balancing act in deciding on every present moment and yet the fulcrum of all moments was always the desire to discover and do what is the will of God. This was an enriching experience of this month. With a sick elderly old hospitalized mother, the search for a caregiver, vis-a-vis many scheduled masses – funerals, fiestas and vespers – a one week retreat in the capital town; life seems to be a roller coaster within this month after after the Holy Week when we celebrated with intensity the passion-death-resurrection of our Lord. The paschal mystery seems to by its best in the concrete in living always in every moment the death to my plans and life in the will of God starting with the hospitalization of my mother due to convulsions caused by infection and pneumonia on Holy Saturday.

It was the day before Easter! Christ’s resurrection was the source of peace and forgiveness. We know, it was an experience which was unforgettable to those who tried to be with him, apostles and disciples alike, when He showed Himself to them after the Kairos event of the resurrection. He lived at that moment beyond time and space, not anymore imprisoned by the limitation it impedes. This is so since love escapes the boundaries to time and space. It is only in this reality, inserted in love and therefore in a life of the Holy Trinity especially when I believe that other persons and good friends are tying to live not outside but inside this reality through our mutual love. It makes us live and transcend beyond created time and space which seem to disappear and one enters into the other realm of peace and joy when one passes through the decision of dying to oneself and living in the will of God.

In this month the words of Jesus that the door to heaven is a narrow one seem to be more concerete. In trying to do God’s will you are in fact trying to enter into that narrow door and once you pass through this door you enter into the big compound of the palace of heaven where there are many rooms and mansions. This door is a passage but the end result is the entrance to paradise. Unbelievable but it could be already experience “here on earth” as it is in heaven.

This is not to spiritualize events and experiences. Instead, one could also begin to understand what Jesus told us: “My food is to do the will of my Father”. His existence and subsistence depends on this doing the Will of his Father. The final test was of course in Gethsemane where he has chosen not his own will but the will of the Father. But what a test.

In trying always to do what is the will of God and therefore in discerning with the Holy Spirit always in the spirit of love, the peace that is coming only from the prince of peace is experienced. For me, this is a new set of experiences. When I have to decide to leave my mother alone in the hospital for a mass, for example, an equally elderly cousin would come to spend some time. When I have to give a rescheduled retreat in a retreat house away from the hospital which necessitates that I have to stay in that retreat house for six nights, the husband of my cousin tried to do everything so some of my relatives could take their turn day and night so with the kind nurses who assuring presence made Nanay to brave the feeling of being alone.

When Nanay has to leave after more than two weeks in that hospital room, may nephew and his wife prepared a better room in the previous house of my sister so my mother could be free from the dusts from our home which is being delayedly renovated so that she could have a confort room. Precious time was also gifted to me to secure a good air conditioner and a time with my grandsons to have a short trip to the capital town for a good merienda for free in Shakey’s, courtesy of a credit card which I have to use sometimes.

But the most troublesome are the concerns of the finances. Timing is of great importance since someone was willing to let us use his/her money for some days and give it back on other days. Providence is never wanting and comes incredible at the right time and right place.

The divine adventure of doing God’s will is really also a human adventure which is of course full of surprises which sometimes I forget to receive as gifts from God’s hands. Even some inevitable misunderstanding, seeming immaturities which could illicit some judgements and blame pointing, and especially on my impatience to my mother who is becoming senile and forgetful, are occasions to love deeper.

For all these, I am grateful to the Holy Spirit! I am also grateful to my parish priest who understands me when I have to hurry after my schedules that I have to go back to be with my mother. To the attending physicians and nurses who took extra efforts to be present when at times my mother was inevitably left on her own and those who took turns. How could I not be grateful the patience of my mother to my many bouts impatience which teachers me how to be patient in return? And to all of you who have assured me of your unity and prayers, those who contacted persons to act as caregivers after her hospitalization, even though they are themselves facing physical sickness. But above all I give thanks to the great Consoler of all who soothes all my pains, both physical and spiritual, who is acts like a balm of my soul and body.

As we continue the divine adventure, let us allow always the Holy Spirit to enlighten us. He is the person of love. By loving now, in whatever situation we are, His light would shine giving us equilibrium and peace.