After the initial “how-do,” Mary Lincoln and Julia Grant did not meet again for a year.

Mary Lincoln: 1864-5

Mary Lincoln took a long time to emerge from her deep grief over her son Willie’s death in early 1862. Custom dictated an 18-month mourning period but Mrs. L. extended her own bereavement for two full years. Mourning clothing, cancelling entertainment and social events. But by mid-1864, she was easing back into her FLOTUS role. 

The political situation looked grim for Abraham Lincoln. The war was going poorly; Union casualties had been staggering, and new problems were overwhelming. It was an election year, and a second term was not favorable.

Mary Lincoln spared no effort. She hosted her receptions and soirées and private luncheons with renewed purpose, inviting all the movers and shakers in Congress on a regular basis. She had a secret agenda: she had been extended unlimited credit by New York and Philadelphia merchants, and had spent recklessly unbeknownst to her husband. If Lincoln lost the election, they would be ruined.

Lincoln won. She got breathing room, and promised herself to be thrifty.

Julia Grant: 1864-5

Putting Ulysses S. Grant in charge of the entire army in the spring of ’64 was not a popular decision. General Grant was a fierce fighter who had become The Butcher of the Battlefield. Wherever he went, he left dead soldiers. Mrs. Lincoln was not his admirer.

Julia Grant was in her late thirties, plain, not stylish, not particularly clever or intellectual, but a nice lady whose husband adored her. Mrs. was a soldier’s wife, and it took a little time to grow into her role as a “prominent woman.” But the prominent women in Washington took her under their collective wing.  

In mid-March, 1865, spring came early. USG had laid siege to nearby Petersburg, VA for several months. Everyone knew the War was coming to an end. More sooner than later. President Lincoln newly- re-inaugurated, decided to visit the Army at City Point at the confluence of the James and Appomattox Rivers, a huge supply depot for the Union Army. He brought his wife. 

The Carriage Incident

Mrs. Lincoln and Mrs. Grant had only brief and inconsequential previous contact, but the savvy First Lady had seen the “General’s Wife” as a threat to her “position” from the start. Mrs. G. was not particularly political, but she was learning, particularly under the tacit tutelage of the Congressional Wives.

The Army had planned a tour or the front lines near Petersburg, but since there were some skirmishes in the area, all women were sent to the rear. That included Mrs. Lincoln and Mrs. Grant, who were placed in a carriage together, escorted by Col. Adam Badeau, Grant’s military secretary and aide-de-camp, and an eye-witness to all that occurred. It started out pleasantly enough.

But Sarah Griffin, the wife of General Charles Griffin was said to have been given a special pass to ride closer to the front. Mary Lincoln learned that she had obtained a special pass from the President.

Mrs. L. went ballistic! “Do you mean to say that she saw the President alone? I never allow the President to see any woman alone?”

But Mary would not be pacified. “Let me out of this carriage at once. I must ask the President if he saw that woman alone.” Mrs. Grant tried to calm her, as did Col. Badeau, but she would not be mollified. Finally, General Meade personally took the First Lady aside and told her that Mrs. Griffin’s special pass had come from the Secretary of War, not the President.

The Ambulance Wagon Incident

It gets worse.

The following day, the Army had planned a big parade for the President’s review. This time Mrs. L. and Mrs. G. were seated in an ambulance wagon. Col. Badeau having refused to be alone with them, asked Col. Horace Porter to join their escort to the review area. 

This time General Edward Ord’s wife, said to be an excellent rider, accompanied her husband. According to Col. Badeau, She was mounted, and as the ambulance was full, she remained on her horse and rode for a while by the side of the President, and thus preceded Mrs. Lincoln.

As soon as Mrs. Lincoln discovered this her rage was beyond all bounds. “What does the woman mean,” riding by the side of the President? And ahead of me? Does she suppose that he wants her by the side of him?”

The incident was further compounded by Secretary Seward’s nephew, an officer on Grant’s staff, who unknowingly quipped, “The President’s horse is very gallant. He insists on riding by the side of Mrs. Ord.”

The First Lady exploded. “What do you mean by THAT, sir? Julia Grant likely didn’t know what hit her. But she liked Mrs. Ord, and did her best to calm the First Lady. It did not go well.

Then the FLOTUS suggested that Mrs. Grant was just standing in the wings waiting to take her place. The astounded and embarrassed Mrs. Grant calmly replied that she was quite satisfied with her current position, which was far more than she had ever hoped.

When they reached the President’s party, Mary created a horrible scene, calling Mrs. Ord “vile names” in front of the generals and the President. Mrs. Ord was reduced to tears. Lincoln, his eyes filled with pain, tried to quiet her, calling her “Mother” and speaking gently. It was public, and everybody was shocked and horrified.

The Upshot

The two women never saw each other again after their “visit” at City Point. Only weeks later, the war drew to a close. President and Mrs. Lincoln invited the Grants to join them at the theater. Mrs. Grant declined, saying they were going to see their children in Burlington, NJ. She likely did not wish to be in Mary Lincoln’s company.

Nearly twenty years later, after the Grant presidency, when the retired General and his wife made a world trip, the stopped briefly in Pau, France. Mrs. Lincoln had been living there for a few years. They did not come to call or invite her to call on them.

But Julia Grant, when she wrote her own memoirs, obviously learned her political lessons well. She mentioned nothing about the incidents.

Sources:

Badeau, Adam – Grant in Peace – Penguin Books (reprint)

Grant, Julia Dent – The Personal Memoirs of Julia Dent Grant: (Mrs. Ulysses S. Grant) – 1975, G.P. Putnam’s Sons

Ross, Ishbel – The General’s Wife – Dodd, Mead, 1959