First the source.

When she was a very old lady in 1931, Julia Taft Bayne published a slim volume called Tad Lincoln’s Father. It was her personal memoir of 1861-2, when, as a teenager, she spent a good deal of time in the Lincoln White House.

When President-elect Lincoln and family arrived in Washington in late February, 1861, dozens of women came to call on Mrs. Lincoln. One of them was Mrs. Horatio N. Taft, society matron and wife of the Chief Examiner in the Patent Office. In conversation, Mrs. Lincoln learned that Mrs. Taft’s two sons, Bud and Holly, were the same ages (around ten and seven) as Willie and Tad Lincoln. She invited Mrs. T. to bring the boys to come and play with her sons. It was a godsend! They kids it off brilliantly, relieving Mrs. L. of the big problem of getting her sons adjusted to their new life.

Their older sister Julia, then around fifteen, was their designated chaperone, and it was she who regularly accompanied the boys to the White House.

The “hat” story was told to her by her mother, several years later.

Mrs. Lincoln: Fashionista

No question about it, Mary Lincoln wanted to be the social – and fashion leader of Washington society. During her upbringing in Lexington KY and later in Springfield IL, she was at the top of the pecking order: well bred, well educated, and a “Todd.”

The society doyennes of Washington were disdainful and considered her “southern” and provincial. When they called on her, they offered to help her navigate “the social shoals.” They were perhaps a little snarky, but they meant well. Mrs. L. was offended and let them know she didn’t need their help.

It was likely traumatic to the new First Lady. She developed a deep-rooted need “to show them,” and in its way, it lasted a lifetime.

As First Lady, Mrs. Lincoln was expected to entertain regularly. Mrs. Horatio Taft was on her guest list, and the relationship had been pleasant. In addition to their commonality-through-children, they also shared a milliner, said to be the best in Washington.

Purple Ribbons

Mary Lincoln had recently purchased a new gown, with large purple flowers. She wanted the ribbons on her new hat to match that shade of purple. Her milliner was very eager to curry favor with the new FLOTUS and tried his best to obtain ribbons in that exact shade.

Alas, he confessed, there were not available. He even contacted the manufacturer, who said it was impossible: the dye lot had been exhausted for that exact color. No proposed alternatives were acceptable to the very picky Mrs. Lincoln.

She was not a happy customer.

The Request

Not long thereafter, Mrs. Taft came to one of the First Lady’s receptions wearing a new bonnet – with exactly the same shade of purple ribbon that the First Lady had been seeking. Mary made a beeline for her, remarking excitedly about her beautiful new hat, especially the gorgeous Purple Ribbons.

Then she continued her tale of woe – about her needs for purple ribbons, and that their milliner claimed no more of that shade were available.

Then she demanded that Mrs. Taft cut the ribbons off her hat and give them to Mrs. Lincoln.

Obviously she believed that her exalted position as First Lady entitled her to take such liberties, but Mrs. Taft was affronted, and declined.

Mrs. Lincoln’s milliner came to the rescue – sort of. He promised to make a brand new hat for Mrs. Taft free of charge, in an attempt to mollify the First Lady, whose patronage was truly important for his business. Thus Mrs. Taft was seduced into handing over her purple ribbons for Her Maryness’ pleasure.

Needless to say, Mrs. Taft’s opinion of Mrs. Lincoln cooled considerably but the Taft boys remained best friends, White House-schooled classmates and boon companions to the Lincoln boys.

Later

About a year later, Willie Lincoln sickened and died. It was devastating to the President and First Lady, who was prostrate with grief. She put aside all her new gowns and hats, including the one with the purple ribbons.

Then Mrs. Lincoln wrote to Mrs. Taft, instructing her not to send Bud and Holly to play with Tad at the White House anymore. It would be too upsetting for her.

The grieving President softened the boys’ distress by personally inviting them to see their dear friend Willie, now in his coffin. He escorted them into the room himself for a final farewell. But he could not lift Mary’s ban on seeing the Taft boys. Eight-year-old Tad never saw his old playmates again.

Nevertheless, Mrs. L’s colossal gall, the extorted purple ribbons and her mother’s disdain aside, Julia Taft Baynes wrote in her book that she remembered Mrs. Lincoln warmly, and liked her.

Sources:

Bayne, Julia Taft – Tad Lincoln’s Father – Little, Brown, 1931

Foster, Feather Schwartz – Mary Lincoln’s Flannel Pajamas and Other Stories from the First Ladies’ Closet – Koehler Publishing, 2016

Notable Visitors: Julia Taft