Drawing on his experience, however, I have written to the ALDC sharing his top about the gorilla suit and remote polling stations.

Useful for scaring off Conservative tellers at remote polling stations

You can imagine how peeved I was when I discovered that I had missed a great Liberal Democrat victory: positively pea green with peevement. When winter fires burn low and talk turns to by-elections long ago, tales will be told of North Shropshire – of Wem and Ellesmere – and those of us who were not there will understand it is our part to fall silent.

I wasn’t having that a second time, so I quickly arranged a tour of our best prospects for May’s council elections: Richmond upon Thames, Montgomeryshire, Edinburgh and finally polling day in the Somerset Levels. 

Normally, I would have had my valet pack my gorilla suit for such an itinerary – I find it useful for scaring off Conservative Tellers at Remote Polling Stations – but in view of my recent misadventures I thought it wiser to let light tweeds suffice.

Lord Bonkers was Liberal MP for Rutland South West, 1906-10.