“We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”
— C.S. Lewis (1898-1963) in “The Weight of Glory”
Election rigging is an art as well as a science. It’s the magic that would baffle and dazzle even Locke, Rousseau and Kant. Pakistan’s street-smart mansabdars, aka politicos and imperial officers, have morphed into such savvy operators of this political instrument that Charles Darwin may now have to complement his unidirectional hypothesis for hierarchical progressive evolution with a bidrectional hypothesis that equally incorporates a degenerating atavism and de-evolution. “What goes up must come down,” said Newton.
In fact, motivational seminars and consultancies by our mansabdars to the world demoncrazies could not only secure Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness across the slave world but could also be an eternal source of hedonism for the baby-mansabdars. So, let’s not under-estimate the power of such charming jerks in large groups; indeed a few committed jerks are all that we need to turn the “Land of the Pure” into the promised “Land of Milk and Honey.” Remember, bananas are not essential for a demoncrazy; what’s good for the heart is also good for the bart and his cart!
It would have been helpful had the universities in Pakistan produced few doctorates on rigging an election, but does it matter? How to... Only in... do we really need a PhD to rig or understand election rigging in Pakistan? Does it really matter who votes and how many votes, or rather how do you vote and who counts? Yes, no, may be!
History is witness to our accomplishments. We introduced large-scale rigging for the first time in Jan 2, 1965 presidential elections by thrashing rival Polling agents and stuffing and swapping ballot boxes to thwart Ms. Fatima Jinnah’s challenge to Ayub Khan. The General was not scared of the Mother of the Nation, he just wanted to develop “a one-man’s or may be fifty persons’ democracy” that were to have “stability through compulsion, force and big stick,” as Ms. Jinnah put it. The country paid the price five years later but let us not connect the events of 1970-71 in the East Pakistan to the electoral fraud of 1964-65. By 1977, we had improved our art and delivered Z A Bhutto with more than he had asked for. This time Z A Bhutto paid the price, not for our miscalculation and his misfortune but for those stubborn politicos who could not accept Bhutto’s big mandate and manoeuvred his fall. With two of our amazing achievements in disarray, we had to review the standard operating procedures, rewrite all rigging manuals and model various scenarios for any desired outcomes. Consequently, the 1984 presidential referendum and the elections thereafter, particularly the 1990 elections, the 2002 presidential referendum and the 2013 elections, are testimonies to our progressive excellence in the art and science of election engineering.
| Keep Calm and Count Sheep! |
Hypocrisy, Thy Name is Politics! Fragile, non-transparent institutions with little accountability, bad governance, weak individual and social ethical compass, and disdain for innovative technology are lynchpins to election engineering and fraud. One must sweep the inherent injustices in a system under the rug and limit public scrutiny to not only insure that vote rigging is successful but also weakens public confidence in an electoral system and its procedural fairness to a point that the free will of the people could never rock the rutty obscurantism from the inside or the outside. Public fear, submission to and acceptance of vote tampering and fraud, even by minuscule percentages, are meant to be legitimate instruments of political power. This is Pakistani realpolitik!
Below we share an ‘incomplete’ list of potential ways to engineer a Pakistani election and be successful in electoral fraud, largely in the context of Punjabi politics but applicable with minor adjustments to the rest of the country as well. Some do’s and don’ts, so good luck rigging, at your peril and bliss:
Before Polling: (i.e. from oath-taking/losing to the start of voting on the next polling day)
- Grundnorm: An election day is too late for electoral fraud. If you get reported or caught beating your opponents, stuffing ballot boxes and fudging results, then people would complain, election observers/monitors would notice and you would hurt your political credibility and legitimacy – so, start early;
- Register new votes in the electoral lists for your halqa/constituency by entering fictitious families, over-reporting births/marriages/new arrivals in families, under-/non-reporting expatriates/deaths, relocating new community groups into your halqa, etc. Also, toughen registration requirements for the voters, communities and groups who dislike you and make laws governing political parties cumbersome for your rivals;
- Seek a new demarcation of the halqa/constituency boundaries. Don’t wait for a census, delimit and redraw the voting maps according to your political liking and convenience. Use GIS and other software for mapping and analysing demographic data and drawing expedient electoral maps;
- Review the lists of Polling Stations in your halqa with your Returning Officers and ECP. Ensure that the polling stations for places with lesser public support are switched to remote hard-to-reach locations, particularly female polling stations. Also endeavour that the opponent votes in such places get deleted or switched to neighbouring constituencies. Make certain that electoral fraud masquerades as incompetence on ECP or someone else’s part;
- Retain absolute control of at least four departments in your halqa/constituency: police, land revenue administration, local baldia/Metropolitan or Municipal Corporation/zila council and Public Works department. Ensure that the SHO police station, moharrir police station, patwari, tehsildar, chief officers of baldia/MC/zila council and Executive Engineer/EDO (Works) posted in your halqa/constituency are your most trusted lieutenants and are at your beck and call, 24|7|365, particularly in supporting your constituency and campaign expenses;
- Procure plenty of development funds, regular and discretionary, for your constituency from the Executive. Get few ghost projects going, do some inauguration photo-ops, realise kickbacks and not only feed yourself and fill your next election’s kitty but also share the fruits with biradri heads, tribal chieftains, political goons and government functionaries in your halqa/constituency. Also acquire employments in government departments for your cronies. Don’t be a miser! The networks you build through political, familial and financial patronage will be central to your strong political base and continued election victories;
Programme, Condition & Control the Sheep - Buy media space in all major outlets, especially those accessed by poorer and less educated voters, and make sure that they trumpet your successes, hide your failures and vices, and portray you as a statesman. Also invest in PR and opinion research firms and buy public opinion polls. You must be the dominant brand in voters’ minds and your propaganda machine should pitch and position your opponent(s) as less loyal, outsider(s) and inexperienced;
- Review the electoral rolls thoroughly three months before the polls. Model the demographics, past trends and future projections to determine a safe margin of votes needed for victory. Figure out how to bridge any gaps, develop a polling aka rigging strategy and get all needed/involved on board accordingly;
- Prepare a list of all dead and expatriate voters in the electoral rolls for your halqa and ensure that these get cast in your favour on the voting day;
- Buy votes en bloc, especially from low-income communities/slums/labour colonies, in lieu of cash or kind during the week before elections. For instance, disburse a token sum of money per vote and retain the NICs from these targeted communities in advance of the polling day, hand out free lunch boxes and food hampers, etc;
- Direct the patwari/tehsildar/lambardar/SHO/chief officer to mislead opponent voters to wrong polling stations or seize their NICs, coerce doubtful voters or buy/seize their NICs, and facilitate known solid voters with transport and refreshments on the polling day;
Bureaucracy in Politics - Make certain that the heads of civil and police administrations in your halqa/constituency are your trusted lieutenants and do not take any action on your opponent’s complaints/protests. If the (District) Returning Officers could also be engaged as friends, it would be an icing on the cake;
- Seek access to personnel involved in official printing of the ballot papers and pilfer extra ballot papers for your halqa/constituency from the source in advance;
- Arrange for a significant delay in the issuance of postal ballots, should you believe that people asking for postal ballots are not likely to vote for you;
- Make certain that the presiding officers posted at polling stations in your halqa, especially at the women, rural and remote hard-to-reach polling stations, are known to you directly/indirectly, are of your liking, and/or have been under your obligation and patronage. This would help maximize your votes on the polling day;
Stolen ballot papers - Ensure that political lieutenants and goons contact selected presiding officers on the night before the election, as they usually receive election material from Returning Officers on the eve of election. Make sure that the presiding officer craftily opens the sealed bag of ballot papers and hands over to your representatives as many as you have worked out for a safe victory. No bother, the presiding officer could tie up those bags again and blame the ECP for poor sealing/packaging or shortage of supplies. Extract this cooperation and shape the desired outcome artfully; ensure that fraud masquerades as incompetence on ECP or someone else’s part;
During Polling: (i.e. official voting hours of the polling day)
- Depute strong, agile and sneaky agents at each polling station on the polling day. Make sure that the polling agents belong to that particular neighbourhood/ward/union council and/or are well familiar with voters and voter demographics at that polling station. Pay special attention to the women, rural and remote hard-to-reach polling stations, as these can help transform a close contest into a resounding victory for you;
A stolen ballot box with damaged ballot papers - Establish that political lieutenants and goons could bully, harass and intimidate opponent voters before/on the polling day. Voter coercion, intimidation, suppression and a low turn out, especially in localities with lesser public support, would work to your advantage;
- Direct the presiding officers/returning officers to open late and close early in places that will likely not vote for you. Utilize these blocked hours to manipulate the ballot boxes, as needed. These places should also run out of ballot papers and election supplies, and have long queues to deter all potential voters. Make certain that fraud masquerades as incompetence on ECP or someone else’s part;
- Assure that the presiding officers follow a ‘go slow’ polling approach, frequently stop the polling altogether, especially in places that will not likely vote for you, whether on the pretext of shortage of supplies, voter brawl, overcrowding, official inspection, lunch break or power failure. Fear and fatigue would likely dissuade several voters to return from the polling stations or render them unable to cast their votes within the scheduled polling hours;
Stolen and damaged ballot papers - Ensure that your polling agents are able to canvass inside the polling station, enjoy unrestricted access to polling booths/secret balloting areas, and could ‘challenge’ as many opponent voters as possible during the course of the day;
- Ensure that the presiding officers/polling staff offer incorrect or confusing directions to opponent voters, allow your lieutenants to cast multiple ballots including fake ballot papers, tamper ballots cast/being cast, and are able to seize ballot papers from voters especially women, elderly and rural folks and stamp themselves, shunt out the opponent polling agents frequently, eject them and/or even lock up the polling station for periodic intervals to tamper, stamp and stuff the ballot boxes. Make certain that fraud masquerades as incompetence on ECP or someone else’s part;
- Facilitate domestic and foreign election observers/monitors who are your ideological soul mates. Do not open doors for every one to survey around at will; so limit their movements and access to selected sites only. Minimize the likelihood of any “quick counts” and comparisons of results declared at polling stations with those tabulated provincially/nationally by ECP;
- Establish that political lieutenants and goons could intimidate, sabotage and manipulate election observers and monitors, as, when and where needed;
After Polling: (i.e. from the close of voting to the Gazette Notification of winners by ECP)
- Wherever possible, insure that the presiding officers do not give certified copies of results for polling stations (Statement of the Count, Form XIV) to the opponent’s polling agents deputed but rather eject them from the stations during the counting of votes on-site;
Votes cast but replaced/swapped - Wherever possible, assure that the opponent’s polling agents do not accompany the presiding officers, ballot boxes, election material including ballots cast, counterfoils, electoral rolls etc back to the office of the (District) Returning Officer at the end of the day. Arrange for the return transfer through your own political lieutenants and goons;
- Do not allow a secure chain of custody. This is your insurance and you must be able to store ballot boxes overnight in a discreet location. If all else fails, ballots could be replaced, added or decreased and indeed the ballot boxes swapped, as needed, during the return journey from the polling station to the (District) Returning Officer’s office. If you get caught, leave no trace and blame on the opponents and/or miscreants trying to discredit you. Direct the civil and police administrations that you have pampered to watch your interests;
- You must be able to fiddle the results during any potential counts/recounts in the (District) Returning Officer’s office, particularly interpretation of procedural irregularities, vote tampering, valid and invalid votes, postal ballots, etc;
- Make certain that the election commissioners (and election tribunals) remain favourable to you during final consolidation and gazette notification of results, and hearing of any appeals challenging your victory or credentials;
- Be systematic, forceful and resilient. Do not worry of even a statistical detection of electoral fraud. Benford’s Law (naturally occurring sets of numbers, such as returns from polling stations, have distinctive patterns that fudged and made-up numbers never match) is for dimwits and does not apply to Pakistani elections;
Finally, a future insurance, consider adoption of computerized voting technology for the next election, so that you don’t have to go through the above ordeal again and could do untraceable manipulation with the stroke of a key and no likelihood of verification of the electoral process and results. In the past, as summarised above, people had to work locally and often in a limited time, space and scope to assure the ballot box fraud, but with E-Voting (touch screen machines and no paper trail), just one programmer can steal the ballot provincially or nationally for you! Hurray!!
Nevertheless, if none of this helps you win an election in Pakistan then who said that politics in Pakistan was principled, upright, easy and straightforward. Let the walls of secrecy and electoral engineering strengthen!
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Disclaimer: The above is a political satire only and NOT a suggestion or recommendation. Electoral fraud, rigging, violence, etc are serious offences punishable under relevant laws.
