Does your Highly Sensitive child struggle in school?

In this article, you’ll learn:

My eight-year-old loves to read and write and is curious about everything. But last year he didn’t like school. At all.

The teacher would say that he was the most well-behaved child in class. He was quiet, answered questions, and always did his best—the ideal student from the teacher’s perspective.

But not for us. Almost every day, my son had after-school meltdowns. He tried to hold it together in school and needed to get the big feelings out afterward.  

I could see how school was overwhelming for him. Lots of noise, movement, brightly colored walls, bright artificial light, chemical smells, and itchy school clothes. Then there were the busy playground, noisy cafeteria, and group projects. Last but not least, creating and maintaining friendships was tricky for him.

After researching how to help my child, I embarked on a mission to advocate for my son at school.

Here is what I found out.

Your kid is probably not the only highly sensitive child in school

According to studies, about 1 in 3 people score high on the environmental sensitivity scale. So, in a class of 25, about 7-8 students are Highly Sensitive, meaning they may be emotionally intense, have a lower sensory threshold, or appear shyer.

That means that your child is not the only one struggling with school overstimulation and after-school meltdowns. There are other parents with whom you might talk about classroom accommodations.

Related: The Highly Sensitive Child Guide (2022)

How to Talk to the Teacher about Your Child’s Needs

Mentioning that your child is an HSP (highly sensitive person) does not guarantee you’ll get support. Since being an HSP is simply a character trait, the school is not obligated to allow for accommodations. So instead, you might want to ask the teacher how they feel about your child’s school evolution. Show that you are willing to solve the problems they identify, and then share your concerns. Finally, kindly ask the teacher to create a plan together on how you can help your child relax and thrive in school.

The plan should include your child’s behaviors when feeling overwhelmed, how they can self-regulate, and how the teacher can help them.

Remember to approach these conversations with a positive team-like attitude:

• “I have noticed that my child is struggling in certain areas, and I would like to discuss strategies to help them succeed. Can we work together to develop a plan?”
• “I’d like to share information about my child’s strengths and challenges. That can help us work together to create a supportive learning environment.”
• “Can we meet regularly to discuss their progress and any necessary adjustments?”

Related: Why Transitions Are Tough for Your Deeply Feeling Child

Highly Sensitive Child in School: What They Need to Thrive

1. The highly sensitive child needs short breaks

Some kids are just born loud — that’s their learning style and the way they express their feelings. But this is always at the expense of those of us on the sensitive side of the scale.

Some sensitive children need more quiet time. Recess might also be a time for quiet since a loud, busy playground may be the last thing they need after a stimulating lesson. 

Yet, other sensitive children (mine included) enjoy socializing and running around in recess. But there’s a limit on how much my son can handle before he gets hyper.

Here’s how you can formulate the idea of quiet time or space with the teacher:

• “I have noticed that my child can become overwhelmed in noisy or overstimulating environments. Can we create a quiet space or a calm-down corner where they can take a short break when needed?”
• “I believe my child would benefit from having a designated quiet time (for instance, in the library) during the school day to rest and recharge their energy. Can we discuss how to make this happen?”
• “I believe that providing my child with a quiet space will benefit them and help them be more self-confident in the classroom. Can we work together to create a plan for this?”
• “I would like to share some information about my child’s sensory needs and how providing a quiet space can help them better manage their behavior. Can we discuss how we can make this happen?”

Related: 10 Smart Ways to Help Your Sensitive Child Succeed in School

2. The highly sensitive child works better independently or in small groups

Group work can be stressful for introverted children and discourage creativity. If the teacher needs to use groups, they need to consider everyone’s personalities, assign clear roles, and allow the children to prepare as much as possible in advance.

How you can inform the teacher that your child struggles with group work:

• “I believe that my child would benefit from having the option to work independently or in pairs instead of groups. Can we talk about their upcoming group project?”
• “I would like to share some facts about highly sensitive children and how they can benefit from more independent work. Can we discuss this?”
• “I believe that my child feels more confident when there are clear rules on when it’s acceptable for kids to interrupt one another and when they have choices about their role in the project.”

Related: Best States for Charter Schools: Do You Live in One of Them?

3. The highly sensitive child needs a simple classroom design

Brightly colored walls, with cheerful sing-along music and a noisy classroom, can quickly tire a sensitive child.

Parents, though, are unlikely to have a say in these issues. Still, you can ask the teacher to sit your child by the window. Looking outside the window can give sensitive children a break from what happens inside.

Related: How I decided to homeschool my HSC daughter

4. The highly sensitive child needs flexible seating arrangements

Many children go unnoticed because they are quiet and well-behaved. So teachers often think that these kids can be a calming influence on more energetic classmates. But the needs of the quiet kids also need to be considered.

Here’s what you can say to the teacher:

• “I’ve noticed that my child can’t focus when sitting next to high-energy kids. Can we discuss if it’s possible to change their seat?”
• “I understand that the classroom seating arrangements may be flexible. Can we work together to find a seating arrangement that better suits my child’s needs?”
• “I believe that providing my child with a less distracting seating arrangement will help them be more successful in the classroom. Can we work together to create a plan for this?”
• “I’d like to talk to you about my child’s temperament and how sitting next to an energetic child can inhibit them. Can we discuss how to accommodate this?”

5. The highly sensitive child doesn’t do best under pressure

Generally, highly sensitive kids don’t do well with time pressure, just like HSP adults don’t like having a lot going on at once.

• “I’ve noticed that my child gets overwhelmed when they have to work on time-sensitive tasks. I believe they can do better when allowed to prepare as much as possible in advance.”
• “I would like to talk about my child’s temperament with you. They are highly sensitive and get overwhelmed when having to work under pressure. Can we work together to make a plan that meets their needs? For instance, if you divide the project into smaller tasks and explain the priorities, they would do great.”
• “I understand that children sometimes work on time-sensitive tasks. I believe it’s a great way to teach them to become resourceful and flexible. However, I noticed that my child doesn’t do well under stress. Can we work together on how we can help them? For example, I believe my child can do best under time pressure when the task is about something they have a keen interest in.”

6. The highly sensitive child gets discouraged easily and needs lots of praise

A highly sensitive child, if quiet and well-behaved, can become invisible. Though HSPs don’t like to be the center of attention, they need to feel heard and validated, like everybody else.

Praise can help them come out of their shell. That’s why it helps if the teacher praises not only kids who always raise their hand but also attentive listeners and those who make meaningful comments.

Consider talking with the teacher about using praise to encourage your child to feel at ease in the classroom. It doesn’t have to be always verbal. A little smile and eye contact showing the teacher appreciates their contribution can do wonders. Gradually, your child will learn to speak up more often.

Related: How to Encourage an Overly Cautious Child

14 Easy Accommodations to Help the Highly Sensitive Child in School

Since being sensitive has to do with personality and is not a diagnosis, your child is unlikely to get significant special accommodations. Still, you can discuss simple and quick strategies to help your child thrive.

Here are some essential strategies you should know:

1. Have a daily visual schedule (sensitive children thrive in predictable environments)
2. Create a quiet area or calm-down corner in the classroom
3. Build daily quiet time into the routine: have 15-minute quiet reading time (it would be great to read on a bean bag or a sofa)
4. Offer children the opportunity to play board games during recess
5. Have a mixture of individual, pair, and small group projects
6. Praise small victories
7. Praise insightful comments and active listeners
8. Wait 5-10 seconds before calling on children to answer in class (it gives time for reflective children to prepare an answer and gather up the courage to speak up)
9. Have the highly sensitive child seated by the window or in a quieter corner of the classroom
10. Pair the highly sensitive child for various tasks with another classmate with a similar temperament to encourage them to become friends.
11. Allow the highly sensitive child to prepare well in advance for time-sensitive tasks and large group projects
12. Allow students to talk without interruption
13. Allow students to bring a book or an iPad on the playground, or other tools for individual or small group play (hula-hoops and chalk)
14. Have a quiet corner on the playground with benches where kids can read or play quietly.

We hope this list of suggestions helps, although it’s not exclusive. Discussing this list with the teacher can help your child speak up more often in class, relax enough to make friends, and, hopefully, have fewer after-school meltdowns.

The post How to Advocate for Your Highly Sensitive Child in School appeared first on A Sensitive Mind.