Hey there, fellow giggle enthusiasts and lovers of all things silly! These stupid jokes will tickle your funny bone, making you laugh until your tummy hurts and your cheeks ache from smiling. So, whether you’re a jokester looking to share the silliest of gags, someone in need of an instant mood lift, or just a fan of all things funny, you will make your friends, family, and even yourself burst into laughter with just a few dumb words.

Best Stupid Jokes

I’m really excited for the next autopsy club. It’s open Mike night!

What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work? A can’t opener!

Where do spiders seek health advice? WebMD!

What do you get when you combine a rhetorical question and a joke?

What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 4K? “HDMI.”

There are three types of people in the world: Those who can count and those who can’t.

My daughter thinks I don’t give her enough privacy. At least that’s what she wrote in her diary.

Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He pasta-way.

My uncle named his dogs Timex and Rolex. They’re his watch dogs.

Two muffins were sitting in an oven. One turned to the other and said, “Wow, it’s pretty hot in here.” The other one shouted, “Wow, a talking muffin!”

Why was the coach yelling at the vending machine? He wanted his quarter back.

I sold my vacuum the other day. All it was doing was collecting dust.

Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you. That’s the punch line.

What is Forrest Gump’s email password? 1forrest1.

A friend of mine got into photographing salmon in different clothing. He said he liked shooting fish in apparel.

Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke? He won the “no-bell” prize.

I’d like to go to Holland someday. Wooden shoe?

The guy that invented the umbrella was gonna call it the brella. But he hesitated.

Did you hear about the fire in the shoe factory? 10,000 soles were lost. The police said some heels started it.

Fun fact: Australia’s biggest export is boomerangs. It’s also their biggest import.

What’s the difference between a rabbit and a plum? They’re both purple except for the rabbit.

What kind of car runs on leaves? An autumn-mobile!

Two windmills are standing on a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite type of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”

I tried to organize a professional hide-and-seek tournament, but it was a complete failure. Good players are hard to find.

I like elephants. Everything else is irrelephant.

Before the invention of the wheel… everything was a drag!

What do you call it when Dwayne Johnson buys a cutting tool? Rock pay-for scissors.

What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

Why are there gates around cemeteries? Because people are dying to get in!

Two guys walk into a bar. The third guy ducks.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef!

What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.

What do bees do if they need a ride? Wait at the buzz stop!

Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella? For drizzle.

What do you call a monkey that loves Doritos? A chipmunk!

Funny Stupid Jokes to Tell

Did you hear the story about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed some space.

Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing!

What do you call an alligator in a vest? An in-vest-igator.

Do you remember that joke I told you about my spine? It was about a weak back!

What kind of tea is hard to swallow? Reality.

I just went to an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.

Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it’d be a foot.

When’s the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie!

The wedding was so beautiful. Even the cake was in tiers.

Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they would be bagels!

Why don’t dinosaurs talk? Because they’re dead.

What do you call a farm that makes bad jokes? Corny!

What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk.

Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!

What did the mime say to his audience? Nothing. He held his character because he’s a professional.

What kind of streets do ghosts haunt? Dead ends!

What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything.

What do you tell actors to break a leg? Because every play has a cast!

What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!”

What kind of dogs love car racing? Lap dogs!

What did Winnie the Pooh say to his agent? “Show me the honey!”

It’s inappropriate to make a “dad joke” if you are not a dad. It’s a faux pa.

Where do mansplainers get their water? From a well, actually.

What did the buffalo say when his son left? Bison!

Why are social media influencers afraid when they go to the woods alone at night? They’re constantly being followed.

What’s green and has wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels.

I will never understand why manslaughter is illegal. Men should be able to laugh at whatever they want.

What did the green grape say to the purple grape? “Breathe, damn it! Breathe!”

My new thesaurus is terrible. Not only that, but it’s also terrible.

I put my root beer into a square glass. Now it’s just beer.

They told me a mask was enough to get into the supermarket. They lied, everybody else was also wearing pants.

What do you call a psychic little person who has escaped from prison? A small medium at large.

Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five moves. Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.

I went on a once-in-a-lifetime vacation. Never again.

What’s the most terrifying word in nuclear physics? “Oops!”

My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the National Zoo.

Hilarious Dumb Jokes

What’s green and has wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels.

What did Blackbeard say when he turned 80? “Aye, matey.”

Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That’s just how I roll.

I like to spend every day as if it’s my last. Staying in bed and calling for a nurse to bring me more pudding.

Three fish are in a tank. One asks the others, “How do you drive this thing?”

What do you call a pony with a sore throat? A little horse.

What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor? “Make me one with everything.”

What’s the dumbest animal in the jungle? A polar bear.

I got fired from my job at the bank today. An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

Why do mushrooms get invited to all the parties? Because they’re such fungis! (Fun guys, get it?)

I wasn’t going to visit my family this December, but my mom promised to make me Eggs Benedict. So I’m going home for the hollandaise.

What do you call a man who can’t stand? Neil.

My dad’s answer to everything is alcohol. He doesn’t drink, it’s just that he’s really bad at crossword puzzles.

Where did the computer go dancing? The disc-o!

I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey… but then I turned myself around.

What do you call a dangerous sun shower? A rain of terror!

I used to hate facial hair but then it grew on me.

I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.

What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles!

Wife: “How do I look?” Husband: “With your eyes.”

I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey but then I turned myself around.

Why didn’t the astronaut come home to his wife? He needed his space.

What’s the best part about living in Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

What’s the most terrifying word in nuclear physics? “Oops!”

Have you heard the rumor about butter? Never mind, I shouldn’t be spreading it.

I watched hockey before it was cool. They were basically swimming.

There’s no hole in your shoe? Then how’d you get your foot in it?

Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honey combs.

A cowherd counted 48 cows on his property. But when he rounded them up, he had 50.

When the two rabbit ears got married, it was a nice ceremony. But the reception was amazing.

A chicken coup only has two doors. If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.

I submitted 10 puns to a joke-writing competition to see if any of them made the finals. Sadly, no pun in ten did.

Three fish are in a tank. One asks the others, “How do you drive this thing?”