Today, whoa is me. No really, it’s not that big of a deal. I just imagined starting off more dramatic. Just thinking about the Weekend and my Friday post with grandiose plans… DUH-DUH-DUH (dramatic sounds)… I had this list of things that I wanted to do. And I successfully… avoided and completely incompleted them. Meh. Whatever, I suppose. My body was telling me different things and I listened. The list, that I created on Thur/Fri,is still true. Every one of those items needs to be done at some point, but I think we forget, I forget, that all of me needs to be at a baseline of good. If something needs to get done, but we do not add the weight of our personal state of being, then we are not weighing the options appropriately. That said, when I drafted the list – I was in a good place at that moment. And then… I wasn’t.

I got home and was really Tired. Strangely tired for me. Like a tired that I said, “I’m not drinking more coffee…” and then lean into it. I didn’t stay up any night this weekend. On the weekend, I tend to write and have thinky time until 1 AM or so. We normally go to bed around 10-1030. Well, that is the average; that is the target. I took a nap every afternoon this weekend as well. Which, is also not normal for me. I am glad that I did. Today, which is Monday, I feel all the better for it. So I will adapt. I will re-examine my list of to-do’s and consider the total weight of things.

I think we sometimes build these lists and then convince ourselves that since it was written down we have to push right through it. SMART goals demand follow through, accountability, and often do not get re-evaluated with the fluid lives that we lead. We said… so we should do… I don’t think there is anything wrong with evaluating all of your tasks against yourself (mental/physical). If you break your leg – you are obviously not going to run the marathon. So why do we expect things of ourselves to carry on when we are emotionally or mentally weak. It is like a stigma. If it’s not tangible, it’s not real. It is like we have to have a receipt or justification to… someone… something… Yes, there will be items that must be done – even if your legs are falling off (Monty Python just went Nee… through my head… yes there was a broom horse).

Keep in mind in the example, that you aren’t going to have a list where you feel good and feel bad. When you feel better, you change the numbers… Well I suppose you could feel bad/good at the same time if we look at specific tasks to types of ailment. I digress… Just examples… LOL. All of that to show an example of what I realized and let myself be okay with. So as I start off the new week, feeling slightly rested, I am rethinking my list. I am allowing myself the grace to have not completed what I really wanted to do. Burning out and not being able to enjoy being done – would be pointless, I think.

But, there IS hope! I will be cooking in a short time. I hope to be writing right after that. Since I have it mapped out now, I can’t wait to see it close and culminate to that Ah-Hah. Well, my attempt of an ah-hah anyway.

Rambling now. Ww. Joe