Continued from part 8 of the Devastation Series.

That evening was almost harmonious until it wasn’t for me. Maggie and I enjoyed a healthy conversation and debated like we used to. You would have not known that we were angry and ignoring each other a half day ago. We had the illusion of being connected for the first time in a long time. It did not feel like we were talking at each other. Even with that though, my mind would not let things go. Dinner wrapped up and we cleared our plates. I tended to the dishes and she scooped a portion of watergate salad from the bowl she had caught it in. We took our small salads and moved to the living room. The still of the night had settled into the house.

We sat beside each other on the couch taking bites of our fruit salad. She picked up the remote and the projectors synchronized. The layered images danced on the video platform while my mind went elsewhere. As the first scenes started to appear, a scent of fresh grass spritzed in the air. The full immersion of the entertainment brought us to the grass being mowed in the show. However, I was fixated on my surroundings. I had a critical eye and was noticing everything around me. I looked around our home and imagined what Samuel would have lived in. Not in the apartment, I had a decent understanding of that. What was the day to day like, I wondered? Everything around us was synchronized for the show, like a symphony, for the full experience. Instead of appreciating it I noticed Maggie on her phone. She was shopping again.

I squinted from the new light. The sun crested the horizon and snaked up my body. I instinctively stretched and got out of bed as the animals alerted the world of the new day. I slid my coveralls on with the straps dangling by my sides and Walked to the kitchen. I turned on the kettle then I poured beans into a small grinder. I set up the pour-over. Once the water boiled on the stovetop, I poured it over the mound of grounds, held in by a small paper filter. I remembered my modern kitchen and then I realized that I did not miss the automatic coffee maker. The richly flavored beans were much better when slowly prepared. I sipped from the steaming small cup and looked out of the window by the kitchen. The trees fenced the sun off and their shadowy silhouettes were blackened. I reached down and pulled my overall straps over my shoulders, one at a time. I could see the neighboring houses stirring with life as well. Valerie? Valerie walked out of her cabin across from me. “Hey babe?” I called into the bedroom. I walked back to the bedroom and looked at the bunched blankets, tangled from a night’s sleep. The bed was empty and Maggie didn’t exist here.

I was caught off guard, in the comfortable strangeness. I shook the feelings away and passed through the short hallways. I pushed the screendoor open. A crisp breeze pulled into my face and a white cloud appeared with my breath. “Morning Jake!” A fresh voice called to me. I stammered slightly and managed to bellow, “Morning Val.” Val? I stopped myself. I did not know her, everything suddenly felt unfamiliar. My procedural memory shut the screen Door. I walked over to the shed beside the cabin-esk home that resembled a very weathered smaller log cabin. I reached inside the door and grabbed a tin bucket filled with mixed grains. I turned and headed to the open yard where the chickens were congregating. The roosters crowed and hens cackled at the sight of the tin bucket. I scattered seed over the group of birds and watched them peck away at the ground. Their beaks tapping like sending morse code with woodpecker like eating. Val walked towards me and stood at the fence line.

“I see you got out of bed sleepy head.” She tossed some sassy sarcasm my way. What am I doing, I wondered, still confused by the situation? “Yeah I guess so,” I conjured up. She rested her crossed arms on the wooden fence. Tiny clouds puffed from her mouth; I could feel the cold tingle on my nose. She started the conversation.”Do you have a few chickens ready for the Ed and Regina? I just harvested the last of the new crop of vegetables.”
“Sure, I, I, think so anyway…” I caught myself instinctively answering. I was very confused.
“You ok Jake? You seem out of it.” She looked at me inquisitively. I was not sure. All of my efforts were just trying to figure out what was going on. Where am I? I deduced that it was early in the crop season and that we were preparing things for some people. But where was I, I continued to wonder, I couldn’t get past it. “Well I will leave you to it – maybe go get another coffee? I have to get back to the cows – jus’ wanted to say morn’n.” She smiled wide and turned to head over to a rustic barn on the other side of the fence. “Coffee sounds like a good idea…” I stated. I walked to the fence and touched it. The split rails damp from a light dew. The weathered wood was so authentic, I thought. I gently ran my fingertips over the bark, as if I was reading brail. I turned and started to walk back towards the cabin-like home. The home that I came out of appeared to be like the one Valerie came from. The grass was wildly tall in spots and bare in others as if eaten by animals. I stood tall and took a panoramic view of the area.

There was a tilled dirt patch along the fence line closest to the house. The tiller was still partially embedded inside of the fresh dirt. In the far distance, was a small pond with geese waddling at its banks. A duck swam in the middle of the water, the water ripples could vaguely be made out in the distance. The dawn hid some details but the horizon bled sunlight through like tiny spotlights, growing in number and size. Like a zombie, I shuffled forward looking over the land. Neighbors came out of their cabins, one by one. Each family member seemed to step outside to feel the crisp weather, gaze about, wave at me with an occasional greeting, and step back inside.

The smells of grass and hay trailed past my runny nose. As I sniffled I could make out distinctly different smells. The dew-covered grass. The farm smell of cattle, not overwhelming, well kept, if that was possible. The longer I listened the more animals that I heard. Geese honked overhead and by the pond. The birds were in and out of the water, fishing, and wagging their waddling behinds to remove the water. I surveyed the property, still trying to figure out what I was doing there. A farm cat brushed up against my leg, arching its back and circling my ankles. I reached down to pet the animal and felt intense pains shooting through my neck muscles. I cupped my hands on the back of my neck resting them on my shoulders. Walking through the sudden throbbing, I was enamored with the peacefulness of the surroundings. Everything seemed to function in unison. As I walked around the corner of the house, a sign became visible from a road: “Produced – Community Co-op.” The pain continued to increase and needles felt like they were shooting below my back.

I gasped abruptly and my eyes widened. I looked around and saw the projector lights in energy saver mode. The lights were dimmed and the room empty. I had been going full steam ahead and the mental strain was wearing on me. It was not uncommon for me to doze off – but I realized that I had been sleeping more, recently. Maggie had gone to bed. I wished that she would have nudged me awake so that we could have ended the night together. The odds were that she would be upset that I fell asleep. It was common for an argument to ensue the next morning when I fell asleep during a movie. My intention was not to fall asleep, but that did not matter. I rubbed my eyes and noticed the clock: 2 AM.

I had come back to reality but was still taken back by that dream. The realism of the dream and emotion that I felt… There was a sense of purpose inside of me in that dream. I felt a sense of belonging. I thought it strange since it was a dream and a completely fictitious scenario. I have had thousands of dreams in my lifetime, I supposed, but that one had been the most vivid. If it was possible, I would have gone back to sleep to relive those few moments. It was a different life; foreign to me for now. I was inspired although I didn’t have a plan. So I began to wing it; moment-by-moment. Shaking off the sleep, I walked to the kitchen. “Alexa, coffee, a to-go cup, strong – turbo shots.” The beans ground, cup dropped and I had a spontaneousness inside of me. Maybe it was passion, or curiosity, or confusion… I was not clear on that but knew sleep was not happening and I felt good. I grabbed the coffee, sipped it, and walked out the door.

The car door unlocked, opened and I got in. “Alexa, recent places…” The navigation screen appeared with an index of the recent addresses. “I am coming for you 116,” I mumbled. “Alexa, option 4.” I was going to grab more journals and learn more about Samuel. I wanted to know what happened next. I also was hoping that I would learn more about the lifestyle that he was pursuing. Deep down, I think that was more of a driver than I gave it credit for. I took a large gulp of coffee and selected driving music. The car performed its checks, backed up, and started the course. The midnight sky was clear and the moon was visible in the horizon. The pink super moon illuminated the concrete as the yellow stripes strobed the reflection of the headlights. I lowered the windows and stuck my head outside like a dog would in a silly gif. I closed my eyes and let the air blast over my face. The sound of the air was delightfully deafening. I could only hear the rubber spinning… with a humming vibration as I tallied up miles… I felt almost weightless floating in the breeze. Nothing else mattered. After a chill passed over me, I got back into the cabin, rolled up the window, and took a swig of my hot breakfast blend.

I grabbed a tissue from the console and wiped my nose. After several minutes of nursing my chill, I pulled into the parking lot of the apartment complex. The barren lot was not very well lit which did raise my alert to my surroundings. Other than my immediate safety the only thing that I could think about was how free I felt. I was not sure exactly what it was that I was free from – but the feeling existed regardless. I felt in my pocket to ensure that I had the keys and walked inside of the building. I unlocked the main door and locked it back behind me. The lighting was low and had an eerie atmosphere. The sort of feeling that you would expect to have before you would die in a horror movie. I was slightly startled by creeks of wood while I walked down the corridor.

I found the key right away and opened the door. It made a loud shriek as it swung inside. I used my hand and smacked the wall repeatedly feeling for the switch. I popped the switch and the lights flickered as the balas warmed up. The lights over the kitchen illuminated the rest of the small apartment and long shadows appeared from the apartment fixtures. I shut the door behind me and the bang echoed. The windows rattled and the musty stale air whirled around me. I looked around the apartment and saw the journals. I noticed some files sitting, that I had not paid any attention to when I was last there. Inside the bookshelf there was also a small library of hardback books that I had also missed. I walked over to the shelf and got down on my hands and knees and read the titles.

There was a US geography book, discussing the state’s resources. There were a couple of books about traveling. The last two books were very worn. The titles were unreadable and the spines were worn from weather and apparent use. I pulled out the book and studied the generic cover. I opened the cover and the title was “Self-sustainment: Building a life of natural sustainment.” I turned the pages and saw the writing, Samuel’s writing. He had made notes as well as highlighted important concepts. Several notecards bookmarked pages as well as have questions and comments. I opened to a bookmark in the center of the book and read the card out loud. “Figure out the simplest food cycle/web. Pg. 121.” I looked down at the page, 121, and read over the subheadings on the pages. The pages discussed the life cycle of several species and the important connections when farming. His notes were going to be valuable. I also remembered my dad making the same comment in his email to me.

I spent the next hour or so reading his notes inside of the books. Each book had similar notes. The location book, like an atlas, was of particular interest to me since it highlighted a few areas with indications of where they may have gone. I was certain that I could deduce their location between the journals as well as the index cards in the books. I used my phone to take some notes of my own as I flipped through the pages. Notes about techniques that were used, locations referenced, and facts about Samuel that came across. As I moved through the pages and sections I was also learning different ways to make a living. A new paradigm was being painted for me as I turned page after page with note after note and question after question – all with answers. Answers that were much bigger than the notecards.

I stretched my neck side to side and looked out the window. The crimson colors bled through the city buildings. The sun was a while away but it was bright enough that the clear skies of the morning were certain. I looked at my phone which read the time at 4 AM. If I did not want a real shit storm, I had to be back in the apartment before Maggie awoke. She was a creature of routine and habit – and I was way out of bounds at that moment. Not to mention, I fell asleep during the movie. I grabbed a box that was beside the bookshelf. I placed the library books inside of the box as well as the next journal installments. I also grabbed a few near the end. I was curious if there was continuity or if the writings changed in any way. I packed up everything, shut the lights off, and exited 116. I jingled the keys locking the door deadbolt and placed them back into my pocket. I carried the box awkwardly out the door of the complex.

I had been so busy living spontaneously outside of my routines that I forgot about my PPE. The drone patrolling the area quickly identified my missing gear and approached me. I continued toward my car but was stopped by the mini siren and lights. In my hurry, I also forgot about my identification. While I had proof of who I was, I did not have the cards that are supposed to be worn when a person is walking in the world. The drone hovered at my height and a small monitor flashed as an officer’s face appeared. The officer was not in any mood for discussion as I explained what I was doing out at that hour and disregarding the PPE requirements. I was able to satisfy his questions but did not get off without a citation. The area has had suspicious activity so patrols have been increased around this section of town, which I greatly appreciated – but could have appreciated without the ticket. I did have an extra basic PPE version in my glove compartment as a backup, but that was of little help at the moment. The citation was sent to the account on file, which also happened to be shared with Maggie. A knot grew in my stomach.

After the lecture from the officer about our behaviors leading to bigger things, I was allowed to walk to my car. “Alexa?” I asked, standing outside of my car. She could hear me most of the time. If my hands were not full, I could have used my phone. “How can I help you, Jake?” She inquired from inside of the car. With sarcasm, several thoughts entered my mind. Since I was within the geofence and my voice-matched, she knew it was me and waited for my response… I opened the tiny trunk of the car and slide the box inside. I closed it, opened the car, and fell into a slump in the driver’s seat. A forceful exhale rushed from my mouth and I banged my head repeatedly on the headrest as if I would pound out anything that I wished. The skyline glowed even more as the sun started its ascent. The city had started to come alive as the new day began for the rest of the world. My “second wind” started to dwindle and I realized I left my coffee inside the building. I was not going back after all of that.

“Alexa – order coffee, drive-thru, nearby…” I stated. The navigation menu, showed the progress and Alexa confirmed with a question, “Do you wish to drive there now?” I acknowledged the question and the car backed up and headed there immediately. I turned up the volume and started a cruising playlist. My eyes were heavy but I was too energized to head back to sleep. I contemplated what to do next and weighed the options. I imagined that heading home and sorting the thoughts out would be the best option at the time. I pulled right through the drive-up coffee place; no one was out at this time of morning on a Sunday. I sipped the steamy bitter coffee from Joe’s and tried to breathe the calmness out of me. I was able to feel the tenseness subside for a moment. Until, I felt a ping and vibrate from my phone. “Why are you not in bed?” Maggie asked. And then like a ton of bricks the weight squeezed the air out of me. “Alexa – home.” The car started the route and I realized that I dreaded the destination.

Read more of the Devastation Series.