Soundtrack: Big Daddy Weave: My Story.
Soundtrack: Brandon Heath: Faith Hope Love Repeat.
The summer before the year turn around is where it all really started. August 06, 2017, I was found unconscious in my apartment. After the separation, I had moved to a small apartment where I was to be the live-in manager of the complex. Adjusting to my new financial situation, I was trying to take advantage of the free rent and utilities. My only responsibility was to make sure the place didn’t burn down (basically). I never said I was the smartest person… The environment plays a huge part in a person’s behaviors. You see, a struggling and recovering alcoholic should not be the live-in manager of fraternity… Yes, I am aware that you probably just did an eye roll. Or let out an “Oh…” It’s okay, LOL. I think the same thing looking back. I could only see the free rent at the time… Needless to say, that went south fairly quickly. I moved in, started the “job” and had a rough day. And so the story begins…
I lost contact with a very close friend that was aware of my separation (the thing you do prior to divorce) and problems. When she could not get a hold of me, she became worried. The police well-check turned up nothing since I did not answer the door. On a hunch, she looked in a crack by the air conditioner in the single room apartment and realized things were not right. She pried the window up, managed to get in, and took it upon herself to get the help that I needed. This was the second time she did not give up on me. And it is her faith that kept me going for a long time. The most Christian woman that I know, and I mean that is the most wonderful way. Her belief is her. Not a set of clothes that she puts on. She believed, and also did not give up on me. She dragged me to her car and took me to a Madison hospital ER. There, I received fluids, sobered up, and she fed me a real meal.
She also researched and negotiated a rehab for me. Realizing that it was not something that I would just shake off – she looked to get me help. Real help. The first time anyone invested that kind of time in me, for this problem. A lot of conversation took place and details had to be figured out etc. I first went to a detox center outside of Madison and Milwaukee. She managed all of the paperwork, phone calls, and coordination as well as driving me an hour to the next place. My birthday, August 07, was spent in a gown and watching a large number of adults do coloring pages, reading, or sitting – staring into space. After a few days, the insurance would not cover the stay but she had already taken care of that. Insurance is funny for this sort of thing (I wrote about that here). I transferred to a work camp for young adults, a part of the Teen Challenge Ministry.
I spent nearly 60 days in this work camp. Very strict, and very regimented. We started the days at 0530AM and lights out at 1000PM. Every hour was accounted for with the exception of about 30 mins near bedtime and 2-3 hours on Saturday afternoons after work. Most of us worked at the thrift store running the operations, picking up donations, sanitizing everything, or physically moving all of the furniture. Another part of the ministry was being hired out (for donations) to events such as county fairs, singing at churches as a choir, and even concerts. Which, is where I was navigating to for this article… I didn’t intend on writing all the above – but when I began to free-write – ta-dah…
In the last few weeks that I was there, I had the system down. I knew what I could do, what I couldn’t. What was liberty and what was breaking a rule? The system was built on hard work – and strict rules. All sorts of people came through (even in my short time there) so they had to have control. It was definitely a forced faith and hard work system, but if I had nothing, and was living only on the streets, this would be a chance to lead a life – and transition back into a societal “normal.” An example of rule-breaking was waking up to make breakfast for the 60 guys and listening to non-christian radio… Seems silly – but with all tech removed from your life it was amazingly wonderful. The system worked though, despite how much “you hated it” while being in it. Looking back, it was a great and humbling experience.
Since I was able to coordinate things well (my project management background) and was deemed trustworthy… I was asked to help with a concert. A megachurch in the Milwaukee area was holding a concert where Big Daddy Weave was headlining and being opened by Brandon Heath. We were hired as the stagehands. The band had their own roadie’s but the extra help was essential to convert the church to a concert ready hall. There were about a dozen of us that were asked to help and I jumped at the chance. For several reasons… First, I was really into “faith” at that point and it excited me. Secondly, an amazing band was coming to town and I would be backstage. Even more than that – I would be contributing to the concert. And of course, it was a chance to be in the world and interacting with people aside from the 60 “brothers” in our TC group.
We arrived as the semi was backing into the church loading dock. I was dressed for work. Having only 3 shirts and 1 pair of jeans when I arrived, I had to get clothes (which I had to earn) at the thrift shop. We could only wear business casual type clothes. Kahki’s and collars. The style was limited from the thrift or if you were lucky enough to see something coming in on a donation truck… then only if you were given permission to take it (cannot take the sales). I had a pair of sketches, ankle socks, and cords that I found. The reason I go into clothes here is that the spawn of this post was from the shirt I am wearing today. I really do like that Micky Mouse shirt I got from a brother at TC.
There were so many crates and lighting fixtures that we guided down the ramp and piled on the stage in order of what the roadies told us. We opened so many crates, ran so many wires, and put up so many lights. In about 3 hours the church looked like a small concert arena. There were so many different uncoordinated lights flashing that an epileptic person would have stroked out. Each team member was testing some regimented routine (which would later come together for the concert). I climbed on equipment and moved things that I was directed to – to line all of it up. The stage went from a pile of parts and crates to a computerized light show and sound system. A Christian playlist was put on at some point (the kind you would hear on repeat at a book store) and we were jamming out while working.
About 2 hours before the concert members of BDW came on stage finishing up the equipment checks and set up. Even though they would do a sound check prior to going on, each seemed to make sure “their area” was just as they would like it. Jay Weaver, the bassist for BDW, was strumming on a white bass. I overheard him saying that he forgot his bass at home, and apparently was very unhappy about that. The instrument he was using was not working for him. I was standing off to the side slamming some water and somehow struck up a conversation with the sound booth bandmate. Apparently, they were coming off of a break and when he packed he forgot his good instrument. This was their first show getting back on the road. He had his phone out and was researching local music stores that were open on this Sunday evening. Not realizing that I was a part of a work-rehab program, he asked me if he gave me a credit card, would I run to a music store and buy this bass he had selected. I have never wanted to have a car so badly in my life.
The plain white bass worked out overall but it was neat to see all of the prep, obstacles, and coordination that would come together in the end. It was also neat to interact with the band and Brandon Heath. Brandon was quiet and kept to himself most of the night. He only walked around the stage and inspected the instruments. He was more of an observer during the entire set up. BDW members did all of the actual work with the equipment and got everything show ready. As the concert time drew near, the mood was switched and lighting was adjusted. Brandon grabbed a mic and started singing verses of a couple of songs. Apparently, he was also coming back from a break and had a couple of new songs that he was putting into his setlist. About an hour before the show start, all of the band members disappeared and the roadies finished getting everything just right.
We stood backstage as the doors opened and people flocked in. Seats were added to the auditorium and it was definitely a full house. Then before I knew it the show was starting. Brandon walked on and started to warm up the crowd. By the time everyone had been seated and the TC team went to our reserved seating, which was not as great as I had hoped, but then again I felt lucky to have a different interaction that day, Brandon Heath has started. That concert was amazing. I had listened to BDW before. I was not a fanboy, by any means, but did know the words to many songs. I had not heard Brandon Heath before. But found a new favorite, Faith Hope Love Repeat. During the song, I came apart. The song… It reminded me of the blessing of children. It reminded me of the love that I longed for. It touched on secular and non-secular emotions for me. I had a good cry that night. I had to sit down during the show and brothers comforted me. There is something about “being in it” together. Each knowing you – even though they don’t. Maybe it is just that we knew each was in this strict environment, working hard, and we were all on a hard road. It was then I realized that sometimes you just get it – and people that have never experienced it – won’t.
Thanks for the walk down memory lane. It is one of my favorite memories from the past couple of years. A lot of emotions during that time. Seeds being planted and plowing… preparing for a growth that would come, just much later.
As always – ww. joe
