Today, while clearing out a vacated apartment, I found this audio clip. Dust had settled over the small black device. The air was stagnant and someone had obviously lived their last days here. Set up for lounging and convenience, it looks like the last stand. I replaced the batteries and hit play. (Click) Listening, I was taken to a lifetime ago…
(digitized static comes through the tiny speakers)
(drag on a cigarette – exhale) It has been years since the devastation. Well, that is at least what I have called it. It has been long enough that the memories have begun to lose their shape. But, not long enough that I have forgotten. Kids being born today will never know and the ones growing up have only known this changed way we’re living. I have my pictures which make me feel much older than I am. Phrases like “back when” and “remember” fall out of my mouth when I recall those days. I remember my parents doing that… Look, there I go again. As time speeds on, I can only Hope that I can retain my memories. Those are fading though.(cough) An old news article was awaiting me in the chest. That, I am sure is what is sparking this… A voice is sometimes all that I feel like I have left and I have a need to say my peace. To be heard again – and remember what was – and give hope for someday. Some. Day.
“Social Distancing Instituted Across America,” reads the headline. It is a printed article since I never did take to the newspapers. But I wanted to keep it. So, just like I am right now, I can go back into my remember whens. When things were not stirred up yet, or when socials were still a thing. Distancing was something that a person did for introversion. Well, either that or depression, I guess. I guess I never noticed. (laugh) I was definitely an introvert. Back before it was the thing. Oh, how even I miss those days. Too much of a good thing… and everything in moderation as my family would joke with me. I once made a list. A list of things that I did in that all or nothing lifestyle. But that doesn’t matter… This article was so many years ago. Where did they go? I can imagine what a person that lost their sight later in life must feel like. The colors blurring. The associations of images with sounds. The same is true now – just on a different level.
I remember a baseball game. No, not like now. The sport was held in a large stadium. The stadium contained thousands of seats, in rows, uncomfortable but evenly spaced. (chuckle) The awkwardness of moving past the people sitting if you got up to grab a snack or make any movement really. I think I have said “Ooop, excuse me,” and “Sorry..” there more than anywhere in my life. (laugh) Well on the outside anyway. People would pay to sit in those seats. Sometimes a lot of money. The popcorn and the soda were so overpriced. But now, the experience, well, that would be worth those golden kernels. About the only thing, the same today is watching it on a big screen part. I could only afford the nose bleed sections, which meant I was up high, and so far away. So, like now, watching it on the TV. That part is the same. They still play – but the sound of the crowd all around you… In stereo because it was all around you. That was different. Pay-per-view was for certain things – and only a few people actually did it. Well, I am sure enough [people] to keep it going – but not like now. (sigh) I have been away from memory lane for too long.
The world has changed. Not in the sense that things do. It feels more upside down or inside out. Starkly different. It was not sudden. The days that we counted turned to weeks…months even… then we just stopped counting. Better… never came. Well at least in the way we expected it. People would actually go places and the excitement was the crowd of people. I look out the window and the streets are only full of people commuting to and from a space. Those strategically placed cubicles… safe distances… The street corners do not contain a musician or a homeless person bumming pocket change. No one goes outside to just be… outside. And the smell of the air… The unfiltered air… The aromas of the city, which we hated and complained about… but was not layered in between the plastic of a mask, or the scent that you selected on inside of your protection. Only certain people wore those – your job determined that.
My mind is an explosion of joy and sorrow. (sniffs) Memories shine bright when I close my eyes. (inhale of a cigarette) I cannot tell what to feel right now. Similar feelings then, actually. That feeling…that things are unsettled and changing. Headline after headline leaving you wondering what planet we were on. The time when everyone was an essential worker. And it worked. The essential definition just meant you held a job that did something in society. Not like now. Badges to go in and out. Permissions and training to be in the world. Certifiably crazy if you ask me. No one ever did. (scoffs) You could see people’s faces. The shapes of their noses and lips. Whether they had good teeth or not. Did they smile nicely? And running into someone… somewhere. “Hey, Bob! How has it been going?” Or maybe “Jane so nice to see you!” Then exchange a firm warm handshake or a gentle hug. Pat on the shoulder even. The touch… There were no quotas on groups or strict gathering policies. Smiling and seeing a smile was the thing you did on a walk.
Like right now. I am online selecting my groceries from an outlet. Stores do not really exist anymore. They used to. We would go in and read the boxes or check over the fruit ourselves. The look or smell would sell us. Not searching and reading reviews adding to our carts. We would drive to the store, and grab a shopping cart. Load it up with everything we had on our lists and then some. Now, as you know, everything is shipped. Blank non-printed boxes. No need to catch your eye if you only read the reviews. Damn shame. Some stores even had samples. I mean you would go in and someone would have this table full of their products. Small cups of this and that and you would try it. Then decide if you were splurging or not. Ordering it just to try it… God, I miss that (laugh) Oh and driving… everyone drove. If you needed something you would get into your car and go get it. Drones did not deliver. Drones were not even a real thing yet. Well, in that aspect. They were either novelty or served a purpose. Such as spying on you. (chuckles) I had a car that would seat 4 people. And we would get into the car and all go places together. I cannot recall the last passenger vehicle that I have seen that was not special purpose.
When did it fall apart? (drags on a cigarette) I am not certain when that began. I cannot think of any key events. It was like several things happened at once, aligned, and then snowballed. The world came together for a short time… it was an amazing moment in humanity. One of those things that I never thought I would see. We locked down the world and we adapted. The virus spread like wildfire. The distancing helped and we made progress, so we thought. We got used to this situation. People took it seriously, despite the nay-sayers, which I suppose you will always have. We rushed to find prevention methods. The things we normally would do in this type of situation. And we searched for a cure. The world… searching… together. Technology came together and our smart devices would let us track if we came near anyone certified to have it. So many things working together. And I remember we found a vaccine. The news… the rush of people getting it… I thought we came together, braved the storm, and found a solution. Again, things I never thought that I would see. We had hope and slowly life started to resume. Lockdowns were progressively lifted and we could be out again. We did not know that it jumped. The virus evolved… again… We just reinfected everyone. And we were chasing it after that and have never caught up.
And we locked down again. Even tighter… (click)
*** Author’s Note***
I am playing around with a Story concept. My mind reads the news articles – and as the dates for “normal” keep getting pushed back, I wonder if we will ever have the world we knew. I do not think the world will be post-apocalyptic or dystopian “as seen on tv.” I do think we will be forever changed and what was normal will not exist and what now is will continue to evolve into the expectation. The story takes place years after a global pandemic. A landlord assuming ownership of a building is going through the complex. All of the tenants that are no longer there and finds a room, preserved for several years. A time capsule of what was. The audio is from a tenant reflecting.
If you like this story – I contemplated expanding on it. Like or comment to let me know what you think. About anything, really. Let your mind wander…
