Most of my entries have been recipes as of late. I think that is partially because there is an end. I did something, saw an outcome and in most cases, rewarded. I mean in a short time I made something. Made. Something. And the something had a sweet taste which lent to a smile for myself or the people that I shared it with. In a text to the Family today, I made a comment that today feels like every other day – just different weather. Groundhog’s Day seems to be the theme.
Life is not terrible. I am really in a good place. My family is Safe and the people close to me are in a good place. But the overwhelming aimlessness takes over. It creeps in like a draft through a cracked window or door and before I know it the furnace cannot keep up. I have been spending a lot of time working on self-awareness and what the ego (self) is telling me. Based on a recommendation from my therapist, I reread The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck. I have been studying, in an awareness sense, cognitive distortion and the perceptions for realities. Some days I feel like Dorey in Finding Nemo, “Just keep swimming… just keep swimming…” And also like Dorey, I forget where I am, was going, or what I intended… It is funny, really. Ironic. We are less bombarded with stimuli than we were months ago – and in a sense more overwhelmed. And while I do not think that is completely true – it is a perception that I am wrestling with.
The news is full of what people do when they feel powerless. Complaint. Rebellion. Complaints about rebellion. Opinions about opinions and so many people (myself included) disagree with what is – but do not have the answer for what should. Compound that with a million we could’s and we get a sh*tstorm in social media. Not to mention the country leadership lends itself to mushroom management. While I do not find myself being super politically charged – it is hard to not have an Opinion (yay or nay) on the matters at hand. With everyone searching for the right answers and sharing the ones that they do have, I find myself in analysis paralysis. The overwhelmed feelings that have complied this week were boiled over, for me, and came out in a couple of tears while watching this comforting song (or here) and the text you are reading now. I just needed to get it out there. So there!
I do not know if I should be scared. Or should I feel safe? Do we have this under control, or are we still awaiting the other shoe to drop? Articles like this, give me hope, but if I read much more, I will find just as much reason to want to lock the doors, crawl under the covers and only let my eyes show (imagine a child hiding from a monster in the closet). Because we do have something like that going on. We do not know if it is there – or not – but the feelings exist which makes it very real… to me. So with the gloomy weather outside, and a cold front taking over, I will sip my coffee and continue to explore these thoughts. Eventually, I will likely give up and work on one of the projects that I have. (Just started my personal branding, joepederson.com… but it is not complete yet.)
Now is a great time to be a creative. Or have some projects that you have always wanted to do. Being Sunday (today), I am going to make some lists of goals for the week. Then maybe cap it off with exploring another world in my mind. Now, which project to pick?
ww. joe
