Surviving Mai Tai Tom’s “Royal” Blunder: 2022 England & Scotland

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN: Horsing Around From Edinburgh To Killin 

Day Seventeen: Decision, Shut Out Again, Horsing Around, The Big Wheel, Callander Girls, We’re Killin It, Is Anybody Home?, My Kind Of Falls, Kim Nearly Gets Run Over and the Busboy Playlist

A quick last pastry and coffee at Gordon Street Coffee and we said goodbye to Edinburg in the rear view mirror.

It was only 20 minutes until our first stop, Lauriston Castle, which claims to have “one of the most remarkable Edwardian interiors in Scotland.” We would not have the opportunity to see it, however, as it was closed for repairs, which had been a reoccurring nightmare throughout this trip.

The castle is set in 30+ acres of parkland and gardens, so at least we got to tour part of it.  A Tower House was constructed in the late 1500s and the house was finished by the early 1800s.

Kim and Mary did get a treat upon arrival when they met a Schnauzer that reminded them of their dog, Fenway, pining for them at home.

We then took a quick spin through the grounds.

The property has nice views out on to the Firth of Forth.

I had a chance to play croquet, but the wickets looked pretty small. The castle has three croquet lawns.

There is also a Japanese garden given as a gift of friendship by the prefecture of Kyoto.

We only spent about half an hour as it was time to move on. We had hoped to visit Hopetoun House or Linlithgow Palace, but alas both of those properties were closed, one for repairs and the other for Covid protocols.

In another half an hour, we made a stop at a place I had not heard of until shortly before we left. Starting our walk from the parking area we made our way alongside a small waterway.

Then, in a Godfather flashback, in the distance we saw two huge Horse heads. We were at The Kelpies, who are in a place called The Helix. These twin horse heads are each about 100 feet tall and weigh about 300 tons apiece. Needless to say, they are the largest equine structures in the world. I asked my companions if they were happy with just that distant view, but Tracy responded, “Neigh, let’s go see them close-up.”

As we walked along the waterway, the horses heads loomed larger and larger as we approached Helix Park.

What are Kelpies? According to what I read, “In Scottish folklore, a kelpie is a dangerous shape-shifting water creature that can appear on land as a horse. The kelpie appears to their human victims as a grey or white horse, entices them to ride on their back, then carries them down to a watery grave.” Now that’s one way to get off your high horse.

We learned that parents use threats of Kelpies as a way to deter their kids from getting too close to lochs and rivers. 

They were created and erected in 2013 from more than two miles of individual metal plates. Mary and I attempted to feed the horse, with Mary having much more success than I unless this horse eats out of its nose.

Then I learned that “when you touch a Kelpie, your flesh will be stuck to theirs.” I assumed that at least I’d be more stable.

They were mesmerizing to look at from any angle.

I also found out belatedly that if you make reservations, you’re able to go inside the Kelpies, so you can get information straight from the horses’ mouths.

On a much smaller scale, as we walked back to the car we saw a unicorn named “Spirit of Scotland.” Like Judy Collins, Tracy caught the unicorns from both sides now. It’s made of metal armature and woven with white willow.

A short jaunt down the road and we were at the only rotating boat lift in the world, the Falkirk Wheel.

It’s been open for more than 20 years …

… and can transport eight or more boats at a time from one canal to the other in about 45 minutes. It replaced eight locks.

If you have time, you can take a 60-minute trip where you’re transported either up or down to another canal. A view from above (like this one stolen off the internet) gives you a better idea how the whole thing works.

We made our way back to a town where we had stayed for an evening in 2017, the little village of Callander, where I serenaded our wives with a little retro Neil Sedaka until the locals started looking at me in strange ways. This time we just made a quick stop for lunch. I think a vodka dispenser wold be perfect for the home.

We arrived at 3:30 p.m. in the small town of Killin, known mostly for The River and Falls of Dochart that runs through the center of the village. We drove over a narrow bridge (which Kim would find out how narrow later) and pulled into the small lot of our lodging for the evening, the Courie Inn.

We knocked and rang the bell, but no one answered. After about ten minutes, we gave up and walked back to the Falls Of Dochart Inn, which we had passed as we headed into town. Like the sign said, we stayed “calm.” When the going gets rough, it’s time for a beer.

With Covid being so tough on hotels and inns, we wondered if perhaps the Courie Inn was no longer in business. The bartender at the Falls Of Dochert (where we had dinner reservations that evening) said she thought it was still open, and she texted a message to confirm.