Mindy:
Whats up, my expensive listeners, and welcome to the BiggerPockets Cash Podcast the place we discuss cash and courting with Vivian Tu, my wealthy BFF. Whats up, hey, hey. My identify is Mindy Jensen, and with me at present is the She Wolfe Of Wall Road, Amanda Wolfe. Amanda, I’m so excited you would be part of me.

Amanda:
I’m so excited to be right here.

Mindy:
It’s all the time beautiful to speak to you, and it’s all the time beautiful to have you ever within the co-host place, so thanks a lot on your time.
Amanda and I are right here to make monetary independence much less scary, much less only for any individual else. To introduce you to each cash story, as a result of we really imagine monetary freedom is attainable for everybody, regardless of when or the place you’re beginning. Whether or not you need to retire early and journey the world, go on to make massive time investments in belongings like actual property or begin your individual enterprise, we’ll allow you to attain your monetary targets and get cash out of the way in which so you may launch your self in the direction of your desires.
Let’s transfer on to our cash second, the place we share a cash hack, tip or trick that will help you in your monetary journey. As we speak’s cash second is one that may appear just a little bit apparent, however verify your credit score report commonly. This can be a great way to ensure there isn’t any fraud and to maintain monitor of your credit score rating and your monetary progress. It’s essential for just a few causes as a result of, enjoyable story, not so enjoyable story, as a result of final yr I used to be nearly a sufferer of identification fraud. Fortunately, I had signed up for all the credit score report alerts, and I received an alert that I had signed up for a brand new bank card, didn’t, went on and realized that it’s truly a free for all if any individual has your info to use for any sort of credit score.
My tip, on high of all of this, can be to freeze your credit score with all three of the principle credit score bureaus, Experian, TransUnion, and Equifax. That’s free to do. You simply go onto their web site, they’ll attempt to promote you stuff alongside the way in which, nevertheless it’s free to do, simply hit that freeze button. After which, the subsequent time that you simply personally need to go take out a line of credit score, you simply must go unfreeze it. I really like that tip. Nowadays, should you don’t want your credit score getting used, clearly, unfreeze it should you’re about to use for a mortgage otherwise you want a brand new bank card or no matter, however yeah, should you don’t want one thing proper now, freeze that credit score proper up. I really like that tip. Thanks. Freeze that child up. I’m telling you, like I stated, it’s free and also you do have to recollect to unfreeze it for your self, as a result of I did attempt to go open one myself and forgot that it was frozen and was instantly denied, however you’ll keep in mind, and it’ll be value it versus discovering out that any individual took out 5 bank cards underneath your identify. However should you’re not going to try this, a minimum of be sure you’re checking your credit score report commonly. Superior. All proper, do you could have a cash tip for us? E-mail cash [email protected].
All proper. Amanda, I’m tremendous excited to speak to Vivian Tu at present. We’re speaking courting and funds, and actually, that is some info I ought to have had again once I was courting. It’s been a minute since I used to be courting, however I may have most likely gotten rid of numerous these frogs that I used to be courting if I might’ve had extra of this info or listened to a number of the purple flags, paid consideration to a number of the purple flags that had been popping up.

Amanda:
Yeah, I all the time prefer to say, taking cash and courting, that are two already actually difficult matters and mixing them collectively simply makes for potential catastrophe. And I all the time prefer to say that I believe that in relation to cash stuff in relationships, that folks have a tendency to color purple flags inexperienced the place they’re like, “Oh, this isn’t that massive of a problem. I can compromise right here, I can compromise there.” After which, these issues are likely to compound over time, so I’m tremendous excited to speak to Vivian at present to see what her recommendation is in relation to love and funds as a result of it’s an excellent difficult matter.

Mindy:
I’m excited to deliver these tricks to our listeners, our single listeners who would possibly want just a little little bit of assist with beginning the dialog.
Selecting a life associate is likely one of the most essential issues you would do for your self, your happiness and your monetary future. As we speak, we’re speaking with Vivian Tu, your wealthy BFF, about courting and finance, to assist set you up for romantic and monetary success. Vivian is an ex-Wall Road dealer and is now the founder and CEO of Your Wealthy BFF Media and the host of the podcast, Networth and Chill. Vivian produces academic monetary content material on TikTok, Instagram and YouTube, with over 5 million followers throughout these platforms.
Vivian, welcome to the BiggerPockets Cash podcast. I’m so excited to speak to you at present.

Vivian:
Thanks a lot for having me. I’m so pleased to be right here.

Mindy:
Okay, Vivian, earlier than we leap in, are you able to inform us just a little bit extra about your self, and when and the way you began getting thinking about finance?

Vivian:
I need to take this fashion again, means again, okay? I grew up the kid of two Chinese language immigrants, so there’s this large emphasis positioned on saving. They had been actually targeted on survival, I’ll be trustworthy. My dad and mom came to visit to the US of their early twenties, and we actually didn’t have some huge cash rising up, however I like to think about myself as somebody who’s all the time simply had it in my blood, as a result of considered one of my earliest reminiscences in relation to cash is, I used to be within the third grade, and you know the way, at first of the yr, there’s an inventory of college provides that you must get? And I used to be a superb pupil. I really like faculty provides. I might make my mother take me to the Goal or the Walmart and we’d get all of the highlighters and the pens.
And someday, we had a challenge the place we needed to take out a highlighter and do one thing. And I knew for a incontrovertible fact that, should you sat subsequent to a buddy who was not that good at managing their faculty provides, you had been simply going to must lend them one. So I knew sitting subsequent to, we’ll name her Kay, this woman, her backpack, that is how I knew she wasn’t going to have a highlighter, was all the time open. It was all the time half open, and there was simply stuff falling out of it, and I knew I used to be going to must lend her a highlighter. So I truly turned to her and I used to be like, “Hey, let me see what’s inside your faculty bag,” or, “your little faculty field.” And he or she had half a pencil, a chewed eraser and a chapstick.
So I advised her, I used to be like, “Pay attention, I will provide you with a highlighter. I’m not going to only lend it to you. I’ll give it to you, you may preserve it, however I would like the chapstick.” And he or she was like, “I’ve already used this chapstick.” I used to be like, “I don’t care, I simply need the chapstick, give me the chapstick.” And he or she was like, “Yeah, okay. She thinks she’s getting this candy deal.” So I give her the highlighter, I get the chapstick. And afterward within the day, I took a paperclip and I twirled up the underside of the chapstick till there’s just a little … Sufficient out, took the paperclip, sheared off the highest, twirled it just a little bit again in, cleaned it off, capped it, after which, I bought the chapstick to a different woman for a greenback in order that I may have a greenback to go spend, and that was how I started working an underground chapstick entrepreneurship ring.

Mindy:
Oh, my gosh. I had no thought the place that story was going, and it was so significantly better than I may have ever imagined. You’ve been a dealer since childhood. Oh, my gosh.

Vivian:
I look again on this second, I’m like, “That’s type of gross, Viv. You bought a woman a used chapstick,” however you bought to confess the hustle was there.

Mindy:
Completely. You noticed a spot within the market, and also you went and crammed it. That’s one solution to phrase it. Okay, Vivian, I’ve a query for you, then. You clearly have taught your self quite a bit round monetary literacy, private finance. You’ve been serving to your mates, your colleagues, strangers on the web, however what will we do in relation to courting and cash? I really feel like that’s the place issues can get just a little difficult. In your opinion, what are a number of the greatest errors that folks make within the space of courting and cash?

Vivian:
I believe the largest one is simply not speaking to your associate about cash. I believe all of us don’t need to make it bizarre. We don’t need to deliver up funds. We don’t need to speak about icky matters. You need this Disney Channel romance the place it’s sunshine and butterflies on a regular basis, and I’m so sorry, however we’ve seen the stat. 50% of marriages finish. And on high of that, if you recognize that cash and intercourse constantly rank as primary and two, yearly, there’s a brand new examine, they swap locations up and down, one and two, one and two, you recognize for a truth, although, cash and intercourse have been the 2 high explanation why {couples} struggle, why wouldn’t you set as a lot effort into your cash life as you do your intercourse life? I believe we’re all very, very snug speaking about intercourse nowadays. It’s nice. That has actually desensitized us to numerous that materials so folks will be actually intercourse constructive and we will discuss comfortably about that, however we have to do the identical the place we desensitize folks to speaking about cash, as a result of it shouldn’t be simpler to speak about personal elements than it’s about pay.

Mindy:
Nevertheless it’s not cool to speak about cash. It’s not couth to speak about cash.

Vivian:
what it’s cool? Occurring that trip to Mykonos. what that wants? Cash. what’s cool? Having the ability to purchase your dream residence so Rover and Spots can go run across the yard. That’s cool. what that takes? Cash. Cash is cool. I’m so sorry. Until you’re dwelling off the grid, you make your individual meals and also you hunt your individual fish and meat and also you chomp your individual hearth … I’m sorry, I’m not doing that, okay? These palms, no handbook labor, I can’t do this. So if you wish to reside a standard life in society the place you take part in capitalism and consumerism, because it stands, you want cash. And I believe the argument that it’s uncouth or impolite or cheesy to speak about cash has simply been like essentially the most genius advertising play by wealthy folks I’ve ever seen, as a result of I’ve now grown … I grew up, I might say center class, higher center class. I’ve now seen wealth past my wildest imaginations.
I’ve seen individuals who personal islands. I’ve frolicked with individuals who personal full-floor residences in New York Metropolis. I do know these folks now. And let me inform you, we’re all the time speaking about cash. And my fiance, I don’t golf as a result of I’m not dextrous and I can barely see the ball when it goes, however he performs golf. And whenever you go to a golf course, you all the time see two outdated dudes, they’re teeing off and so they’re speaking about their portfolios. They’re speaking about how a lot they made final yr at XYZ hedge fund. They’re speaking about that. Why is it cool that two dudes who’ve some huge cash can speak about cash, however two younger girls, two younger folks of colour, two decrease revenue folks can’t speak about cash. That’s so bizarre, don’t you suppose? It shouldn’t be embarrassing or impolite to speak about our funds.

Mindy:
I completely agree, sure, completely agree, palms down. And I believe that you simply nailed it with, wealthy persons are all the time speaking about cash and perhaps the typical on a regular basis particular person isn’t fairly to that time but. And I believe that folks have a very onerous time simply being open about cash since you don’t know what you don’t know, you are feeling so behind, like it’s best to have extra. However in relation to courting and relationships, we’ve to have these conversations. If we need to be going to Mykonos, hopefully, our associate’s going with us. If we’re displaying as much as that marriage ceremony, hopefully, they’re with us. So at what level in a relationship or in courting do you suppose that it’s best to begin asking these cash questions? After which, how do you deliver it up with out being awkward?

Vivian:
I say date one, however the dialog seems totally different. I believe, once I say discuss to your associate about cash or discuss to your date about cash, folks suppose I’m displaying as much as a primary date being like, “Convey your pay stub,” and that’s not it. Don’t ask somebody to deliver their credit score report date one. You’ll get ghosted. However I believe it’s okay to speak about cash in a means that’s actually enjoyable. I believe a standard first date query that I used to ask is, “What’s your dream trip? If cash was not an element, what does your dream trip appear like?” And it tells you deeply about somebody, as a result of if somebody’s dream trip is to go scale Mount Everest, which is a really costly exercise, I do know, as a result of my lash man truly went and climbed it. It was actually spectacular. However that prices tens of hundreds of {dollars} to do, versus somebody who’s like, “Oh, I need to go to an island within the Caribbean, and I don’t need to transfer for seven days and I need to drink … I need to always have a pina colada in my hand.” That tells you about somebody. That explains what they worth. Are they an adrenaline junkie? Are they somebody who actually loves to essentially, actually calm down? And that query doesn’t come off as she’s asking me, or he’s asking me about cash. It comes off as, they’re asking me about my pursuits.
I additionally suppose asking questions like, “What’s the place the place you’d envision dwelling long-term,” particularly for younger folks as a result of I really feel like so many people, nowadays, are very transient. You reside a few years on this metropolis, a few years in that metropolis. It’s like, “What’s your final finish purpose? Do you need to personal a penthouse in New York Metropolis or do you need to personal a single household residence in LA? Do you need to reside on the seashore in Miami? Would you somewhat be within the mountains in Colorado?”
Once more, that tells you about somebody, but additionally, their reply will clarify what ballpark of cash they’re taking part in in, and I believe that’s actually useful. It doesn’t have to be an ungainly dialog, as a result of should you’ve already launched these matters, then, up to now quantity two, you may discuss just a little bit like, “Oh, inform me about your work. Do you prefer it?” Date three, 4, 5, you’re beginning to get to know one another just a little bit extra. You bought to speak about, first date, “Are we splitting the invoice? Are you masking the invoice?” I personally am of the whoever invited ought to pay invoice sort factor. However should you’re constantly courting somebody for an extended time frame, I don’t essentially suppose it’s honest for one particular person to all the time cowl all of the bills, except there’s a severe mismatch in revenue. Once more, these are all conversations you can begin to have down the highway as you’ve grow to be hotter and hotter to these matters, as a result of it’s going to really feel much less and fewer awkward should you’ve already broached the topic.

Mindy:
Okay, we agree that speaking about funds is essential. And I do know there are people who find themselves listening to this present who’re saying, “Okay, however I’m already in a relationship and we haven’t talked about cash.” How do you deliver it up now that you simply’re invested in any individual?

Vivian:
I do that with my fiance. We speak about cash so typically, however once we first began courting and we had been courting extra casually, I didn’t have a hoop on my finger or something like that but, we’d sit down each two weeks or each month, no matter cadence you and your associate really feel snug with, and we’d flip a cash dialog right into a date evening. We’d get a pizza, we’d get some wine, we’d have a pint of Ben & Jerry’s within the freezer ready for us, and we’d sit down and we’d focus on, “Do we’ve sufficient save for that journey to Italy this summer season? Do we’ve sufficient saved to probably transfer right into a nicer residence? Ought to we get a brand new sofa?” All of these items value cash, and speaking about that after you’ve gotten right into a relationship will be difficult except you find time for it.
I believe, Mindy, you are also asking, how do you even broach the topic? I believe it’s with numerous openness and honesty, however I might make the most of a second of both spending or transition or occasion to deliver it up. You probably have a trip developing, that’s a straightforward time to deliver up the cash matter as a result of somebody’s received to pay for that trip. In case you are shopping for one thing new, a big sofa, a big TV, nice time to speak about cash as a result of somebody’s paying for that merchandise. Or transferring, that’s an enormous one, I believe, particularly since increasingly {couples} reside collectively earlier than they really signal any paperwork or get married or do something like that, you bought to speak about cash.

Mindy:
And what should you begin these conversations, let’s say, properly, perhaps you’re a pair years into your relationship and also you’re simply now sitting all the way down to have these conversations and also you’re like, “All proper. Let’s do it.” After which, you sit down and do this, after which, you determine that your associate has fully totally different cash values than you. What would you advocate in that state of affairs? They need to reside in a cabin within the woods and you are attempting to reside your excessive life in Miami.

Vivian:
I believe that is truly a very essential pivotal second that many individuals don’t get to as a result of they don’t speak about cash early sufficient. Or, too, they’re like, “I can’t see these purple flags. I can’t learn.” And I simply suppose it’s so foolish, as a result of I don’t suppose it’s honest so that you can try to alter your associate basically from who they’re.
Positive, you may practice your fiance to not spit his toothpaste within the sink bizarre like I’ve, however I don’t suppose … In case your associate desires to reside a sure life and it’s drastically totally different from the life you need to reside, I don’t suppose it’s honest to ask both of you to compromise. You should actually have a second the place you come collectively and also you’re like, “Primarily based on what we would like, is that this relationship going to work?” And I believe it’s simply as essential to have these conversations about different matters too. Certainly one of you desires children, considered one of you doesn’t. It’s actually not honest to try to persuade the one that doesn’t need to have children to need them, and it’s probably not okay to coerce the one that desires to have kids to only not. You need to be capable to have the life you need, however you’re going to must discover a associate that matches that, and typically, any individual who you do love just isn’t the proper match. It’s not a superb match.

Mindy:
I believe that’s actually an excellent remark as a result of, should you aren’t having these conversations … I look again at a number of the folks that I’ve dated … Oh, that might’ve been a horrible marriage. That may’ve positively resulted in divorce. And that doesn’t imply that I didn’t love them within the second, however they weren’t proper for me long run, and I needed to have children, so partnering up with any individual and never speaking about having children, which I don’t suppose is essentially a primary date dialog, nevertheless it’s positively throughout the first 5 or 10 dates, you need to know, “Oh, you’re completely towards having children? Thanks a lot. It’s been good understanding you, however we’re not suitable, as a result of my life wouldn’t be full with out children. And that doesn’t imply that you simply’re unsuitable that you simply don’t need children. The perfect time to not have children is whenever you don’t need them, however I would like them, so I don’t need to proceed down this path.”
The identical level with the cash. I’m a frugal particular person. If you wish to be this spend each dime and work out the way you’re going to pay for it later type of particular person, I want you properly, however that might give me a lot anxiousness I might by no means sleep in my entire life, and that’s not value it to me. So I’m positive you’re good, however I hope you discover any individual that’s extra suitable along with your way of life. Once more, that’s an earlier within the relationship dialog, so that you don’t must have heartbreak. Then, you’re similar to, “Wow, that man was very nice. It’s too unhealthy it didn’t work out,” type of factor.

Vivian:
Wait. Can I inform you guys the funniest story?

Mindy:
Sure.

Vivian:
I had a girlfriend who had gone on a string of fine first dates, and he or she was courting these guys, and every considered one of them, by date 5 – 6 or no matter, simply constantly, they might have a deadly flaw. And the deadly flaw can be, they ultimately needed to maneuver again to the Midwest and he or she needed to be in Seattle long-term, or they didn’t need children. There was simply all the time one thing unsuitable with them, and never a lot that unsuitable with them, however unsuitable with their compatibility. This woman, I’ve by no means seen somebody method courting this fashion. I don’t know what number of hours she put into this, however she was aggressively swiping on courting apps for a pair hours every day, after which, she would go on these dates and he or she would have an Excel spreadsheet of all of their names on the primary left-hand facet column, after which, throughout the highest, questions that she wanted answered. So, “Would you like children? The place do you need to reside? What sort of job do you could have? How a lot cash do you make? Do you could have debt?” All of those actually onerous hitting questions. And he or she would ask all of them first date, after which, she would give them a rating.

Mindy:
Oh.

Vivian:
Primarily based on … Amanda’s cringing proper now.

Amanda:
I’m not cringing. I’m similar to, “That’s daring.”

Vivian:
Yeah, it’s tremendous daring. However they might get a rating primarily based on what number of factors they scored. I assume, should you stated you needed to reside in Portland, that was higher than eager to reside in Dallas. That may be just a few additional factors. Despite the fact that it wasn’t Seattle, it was adequate. And they might get a rating out of 100, after which, after each collection of 10 dates, she would then purge half of the listing, and that’s how she would determine who would get a second date. After which, she would purge half of the listing.

Mindy:
Did they know they had been being scored?

Vivian:
No.

Mindy:
This was all behind the scenes. Okay.

Vivian:
Yeah, she wasn’t bringing the PowerPoint deck to the date.

Mindy:
Nicely, I’m similar to, “Does she include an inventory of questions? How a lot cash do you make? The place do you need to need to reside?”

Vivian:
She’s very charismatic. She’s a really cute, good woman, and I’m positive she labored it into the dialog very naturally, however once we came upon about this Excel sheet, we’d not cease giving her a tough time. And it was superb, as a result of she lived by the motto that should you’re not courting to get married, you’re courting to get your coronary heart damaged, and that’s actually good. She was not attempting to waste her time. She’s like, “I’ve an excellent job. I make a ton of cash, however I’m very busy. I work 60, 80 hours every week. I don’t have time for this, so I received to know, from leap, if we also have a compatibility issue. And if we don’t, I’m not occurring a second date.” And I don’t advocate that to all people listening, to be clear.

Mindy:
Time is our most valuable asset, proper? Appears like she’s …

Vivian:
Proper. The one factor you may’t purchase extra of. However I do suppose there’s some worth in what she did, in nearly taking just a little little bit of the emotion out of it, since you’re on a primary date, you’re in your second glass of wine, you’re like, “Oh, my gosh, I actually like this man.” No, you simply actually like wine, okay? Relax. You don’t like this man. There are such a lot of purple flags you simply can’t see proper now. I believe her methodology of asking the questions that had been actually essential to her early on is basically good. I don’t suppose it is advisable make an Excel sheet, I don’t suppose it is advisable hit them on date one, however the sooner you ask them, type of the higher. Why waste one another’s time?

Mindy:
Nicely, precisely. In case you are trying to get married, ask that query. “Hey, do you see your self getting married?” “No, I by no means need to get married.” “Nice. I don’t even want to attain the remainder of you. I’m simply going to cross you proper off the listing. Verify, please. Yeah, you’re damaging 100.”
Okay, that is, once more, extra attending to know any individual. What should you’re already not simply in a relationship however you’re in love with somebody and also you haven’t had this dialog, you hear the present, you uncover that it’s best to have a dialog about cash along with your love, and also you uncover that they’re in a very unhealthy monetary state of affairs, or they’re up to now aside out of your monetary mentality. What do you do? When is it value breaking apart with any individual, and when is it value attempting to salvage a relationship?

Vivian:
I believe that has quite a bit to do with each folks. I hear this phrase quite a bit, “XYZ didn’t love me sufficient to alter.” Somebody’s not going to alter as a result of they love you. You should ensure that somebody loves themselves sufficient to need to change so that you simply guys can have a contented, wholesome life collectively. Nevertheless it’s not, you handle me, I handle you. You handle you and I handle me, and that means, we will work collectively as a group.
I believe it’s actually essential to, once more, should you’re seeing, Mindy, you and I are courting, we’ve been courting for 4 or 5 years, we’re type of speaking, “Ooh, what sort of ring would you like? Yada yada.” Now we have the cash dialog. You discover out I’ve six figures in pupil mortgage debt. I’ve 5 figures in bank card debt. You should actually take a deep second to consider, “Is that one thing I’m okay serving to with for, frankly, a very long time?” If it’s not, I don’t suppose there’s something unsuitable with deciding that that’s not the proper associate for you.
Nevertheless, should you’re like, “This particular person is superb. I actually need to be with them,” it is advisable sit down and have that dialog and be like, “Pay attention, I’m involved that the quantity of debt you could have is probably going going to hinder our capacity to do the issues we need to do.” Whether or not that be shopping for a house, beginning a life collectively in a brand new metropolis as a result of any individual received a brand new job, since you need to go on trip collectively, you need to have an excellent marriage ceremony, it is advisable have that open and trustworthy dialog. And perhaps you come to talk with that particular person and you discover out, “Oh, you could have that a lot debt as a result of your dad and mom weren’t in a position that will help you with faculty, however now, you could have a very nice plan that you’re aggressively paying that debt down.”
That’s one dialog. That’s a totally totally different dialog from, “Oh, it’s no biggie. I’m nonetheless placing a bunch of prices on my bank card.” Having that plan and being like, “I’m keen to tighten the belt with you over the subsequent two, three years to essentially simply crush this debt or get you in a greater monetary place,” that’s love. That’s love in motion. But when your associate who’s in a foul monetary place doesn’t love themselves sufficient to need to change, belief me, you’re not going to have the ability to be the one to try this. And admittedly, whenever you get married to somebody, whenever you get the federal government concerned, it doesn’t make folks instantly get up and be higher with cash. Who they’re earlier than you get married is identical particular person they are going to be after you tie the knot. I really feel like lots of people don’t need to hear that, however I believe it’s simply actually essential. Generally, if somebody doesn’t worth a greenback the identical means you do, it’s not a match.

Mindy:
I fully agree with every thing that you simply stated. And such as you stated, there are some individuals who, they received into their six figures value of debt for … Every part is for a purpose, proper? However they acknowledge it, perhaps it’s the scholar loans, they’re a health care provider now, no matter, or six figures of pupil mortgage debt may be very totally different than any individual who has six figures of client debt. How they received in that state of affairs, that’s a very essential dialog to have, and so they imply various things.

Vivian:
Precisely. And I consider a few of my greatest girlfriends who’ve six figures of debt as a result of they took on debt to go to undergrad, they took on debt to go to medical faculty, and so they’re going to grow to be plastic surgeons. that cash’s ultimately coming again. that debt’s going to receives a commission down. Each of the 2 folks within the relationship even have debt. So nice, you’ll be positive. You will have a plan to pay it down as quickly as you begin to make any significant sum of money. It’s very totally different than somebody who’s like, “Oh, yeah, I received this debt as a result of I used to be balling on the membership shopping for tables.” It’s additionally very totally different to be like, “Oh, I’ve $15,000 in bank card debt as a result of I received a kidney stone, didn’t have insurance coverage on the time, needed to put a cost on right here to not fully blow up my credit score rating.”
Actually, we’re all simply doing the very best with what we will, with what we’ve, and debt is only a monetary software. Some persons are taught find out how to use it higher than others, in the identical means that, when wealthy folks borrow cash, we name it leverage; when poor folks borrow cash, we name it debt. Debt just isn’t morally good or unhealthy, and I believe that we should always cease considering of it as one thing solely shameful and bitter, unhealthy folks. Individuals use debt. It’s what it’s. And when you could have debt, the kind of debt you could have is essential, but additionally simply, do you could have a plan? Do you could have any thought what you will do? When you come right into a windfall of cash, are you going to pay it down? Are you going to take a position as a substitute? Or are you going to go blow it at designer purchasing? As a result of these are three very totally different situations and you bought to grasp who you’re with.

Mindy:
I completely agree, and I believe that’s what’s going to make a longstanding partnership, proper? So then, what about in relation to truly sitting down and doing the monetary planning collectively as a pair, do you suppose it’s okay for one particular person to handle all the cash?

Vivian:
No. No.

Mindy:
Do you suppose it must be a joint factor? What do you suppose that appears like? I already hear you. You’re saying no.

Vivian:
I didn’t even imply to chop you off, however that query offers me the heebie jeebies, as a result of I’ve gotten so many DMs, particularly from girls, I’ll be trustworthy, which are like, “Sadly, my late husband simply handed away. I do not know what any of the passwords to the accounts are. I don’t understand how a lot cash we’ve. I don’t know what to do,” and that’s terrifying.

Mindy:
That is the household emergency binder from Good Cash Mamas. It’s the finance planner that you simply want earlier than your partner passes away. In case your partner is doing all the … Or your associate is doing all the planning, this has all the passwords, all the accounts, all the every thing so you may plan for a monetary emergency. I really like this. It comes as just a little keychain USB factor, and it additionally comes as a principal doc so you may fill all of it out when you have, perhaps you’re tech averse, however yeah, all of the issues that you simply want, since you’re completely proper. I simply spoke at a convention for widows, and that was the primary query that I received afterwards was, “I don’t know the place to begin on this … I’ve received all these papers, however I don’t know what any of them imply as a result of he did the planning.”

Vivian:
And admittedly, I might say, a state of affairs the place your associate passes and also you’ve been collectively for a really very long time, you had been fortunately collectively, once I get these DMs, I’m like, “That is so tragic and upsetting, however ultimately, should you guys have put collectively an honest will, or there’s a belief setup or there’s some form of documentation that issues are going to be left to you, a minimum of, you’ll ultimately get it.”
The opposite story that I get quite a bit is, “I simply caught my associate dishonest, and now, I’m locked out of all of the accounts, and all of that is being switched up, and we’re submitting for divorce. I haven’t labored previously 10 years as a result of I used to be given this promise that I might be the homemaker, I might handle the children. I gave up my profession to try this, and now, I don’t have something to my identify.” And that really actually, actually upsets me. I believe each single partnership, I don’t care if it’s a standard setup the place there’s one breadwinner and one one who stays at residence, I don’t care if it’s two individuals who go to work, I don’t care if y’all are simply dwelling off of any individual’s grandpa’s inheritance. I don’t care. You should have the dialog about the way you’re spending, the place that cash’s coming from, what your bills are, what you’re saving for, what you’re investing in collectively. As a result of should you don’t and any individual doesn’t know what’s occurring, you’re going to be in a foul place if something had been to occur.
And I additionally suppose it’s essential, and I say this to any of the ladies listening, have your individual cash. Have your individual wet day checking account. That is your runaway cash. What’s that film with Julia Roberts?

Mindy:
Sleeping with the Enemy.

Vivian:
Sure. You should have your runaway cash. You need to have cash for a wet day. And fortunately, in lots of circumstances, you received’t want it. Most of us have first rate companions, and should you don’t have an honest associate and you’ve got a really horrible, horrible, acrimonious finish to your marriage, that’s it. That’s positive. However in case you are in a harmful state of affairs, which many individuals do find yourself in, you must have wet day runaway cash.

Mindy:
Vivian, I believe that’s a really, very highly effective word to finish on. Do you could have something remaining to share with our listeners?

Vivian:
Yeah. All the time date somebody who makes you are feeling massive. I’ve had companions who dimmed my gentle as a result of they might not shine vibrant sufficient to maintain up with me and rattling, does that suck to try to make your self really feel small and match right into a field in order that particular person may really feel higher about themselves? No. You should be 100% you. You should be the very best model of you you will be. And should you discover a associate that helps you are feeling massive, not solely will you get to really feel the very best and do your greatest, have the very best profession you would presumably have, reside the very best life you would presumably reside, however they’re going to assist enhance you as an individual.
I say this on a regular basis, however the purpose I’m marrying my fiance is as a result of he makes me a greater particular person. He’s my sounding board, he’s my confidant, he’s my greatest cheerleader, and once I’m having a foul day, he is aware of precisely which sushi spot to order from and find out how to rub my again the way in which that I prefer it. And I believe having a supportive, conscientious associate goes to take you a very good distance, as a result of it means that you can take dangers and make strategic jumps in your life when you could have alternatives come up, versus turning them down on the worry that you simply doing good and getting a possibility implies that they’ve missed out on one.

Mindy:
Sure. Simply because I get a possibility doesn’t imply that you simply’re lower than, and simply since you get a possibility doesn’t imply that I’m lower than. Your success is my success. My success is your success. I really like that for you. I really like that for you, and I hope that everyone listening has that too. And in the event that they don’t, check out your relationship and see, is that this actually, actually what you need? And be trustworthy, since you solely get one life. All proper. Vivian, if any individual had been to look you up on-line, the place would they discover you?

Vivian:
You will discover me throughout all social media as Your Wealthy BFF.

Mindy:
Oh, I adore it. Okay, Vivian, you’re my new BFF. I really like wealthy BFFs. And thanks a lot on your time at present. This was numerous enjoyable. I actually admire you sharing your relationship and cash perspective.

Vivian:
Thanks a lot for having me.

Mindy:
Thanks. We’ll discuss to you quickly.
All proper. That was Vivian Tu, speaking about courting and finance. I actually beloved what she needed to say at present about funds and relationships. I’ve been married for 21 years, nearly 22 years, and I can say from expertise, communication is the important thing to a profitable marriage. Communication about every thing: cash, family chores, investments, holidays, life plans, actually something and every thing, it’s best to converse to your associate about. If you’d like your associate to know one thing, you must inform them. And if you wish to know one thing out of your associate, you must ask. And I actually favored Vivian’s recommendation on find out how to get these conversations began, particularly in a more recent relationship, as a result of it may be type of awkward to speak about cash. Amanda, what did you consider the present?

Amanda:
Yeah, I beloved it. And I believe you’re completely spot on, that we will’t learn one another’s minds, and as uncomfortable as it may be, the sooner we will have conversations round cash and relationships, the higher. However I actually, actually beloved what she stated towards the tip, the place her greatest piece of recommendation in relation to courting and relationships is to seek out somebody who doesn’t boring your gentle. And I felt like she was a light-weight power simply coming by the display screen right here, coming by the microphone, and I believe she hit the nail on the pinnacle, as a result of numerous instances, in relationships, we really feel so … Possibly we fall in lust or love, after which, we find yourself making compromises on who we’re as an individual, issues that we would like in life, various kinds of targets in our lives. Discover that one who’s going that will help you shine your gentle brighter and never boring it. And I do suppose that involving conversations round cash and what these targets and life will appear like early on is basically essential, and I beloved that takeaway from the present.

Mindy:
Yeah, I did too. Discover any individual who’s a real associate in your life. It’s your life associate, and you need to be pleased with this [inaudible 00:38:57]. There’s all the time going to be points, however it’s best to overwhelmingly be extra pleased than sad along with your associate.
Okay. Amanda, if any individual had been trying to discover you on-line, the place would they discover you?

Vivian:
Nicely, you will discover me at Shewolfeofwallstreet, that’s Wolfe with an E, .com, which is my web site, or throughout any of the social media platforms, She Wolfe Of Wall Road.

Mindy:
All proper. That wraps up this episode of the BiggerPockets Cash Podcast. Huge because of Amanda for becoming a member of me at present within the co-host seat. She is Amanda Wolfe, the She Wolfe Of Wall Road. I’m Mindy Jensen saying, time to sail, orca whale.

Speaker 4:
When you loved at present’s episode, please give us a 5 star evaluation on Spotify or Apple. And should you’re on the lookout for much more cash content material, be happy to go to our YouTube channel at youtube.com/biggerpocketsmoney.

Mindy:
BiggerPockets Cash was created by Mindy Jensen and Scott Trench, produced by Kaylin Bennett, enhancing by Exodus Media, copywriting by Nate Weintraub. Lastly, an enormous thanks to the BiggerPockets group for making this present potential.