Over time, some old-fashioned etiquette rules just disappear. Here are 18 old-fashioned etiquette rules that no one wants to follow anymore.
1. Courting
Back in the day, if a young woman spent time alone with a man she didn’t know, it could bring shame to her family. That’s ancient history now, as dating has changed from traditional courtship to meeting people through dating apps, even if it comes with risks.
2. Not Shaking a Woman’s Hand Unless She Offers
In the past, it was believed that a man should wait for a woman to offer her hand for a handshake, as Victorian etiquette suggested. Nowadays, both men and women can initiate handshakes without waiting.
3. Kissing a Lady’s Hand
Hand-kissing was mainly done in Europe and was only for married women, while single women got a bow. Today, kissing a woman’s hand is considered too formal for everyday meetings. In business, it’s customary to shake hands whereas in social situations, a handshake or hug is ok depending on your relationship.
4. Men Standing to Greet Women
Not too long ago, it was considered polite for a man to stand when a woman entered the room. Today, it’s considered proper etiquette for anyone to stand when greeting someone. Standing up shows that you’re eager to greet the person and signals respect, regardless of gender.
5. Men Initiating ‘Helping Behaviors’ Towards Women
Men used to offer help to women with tasks like putting on coats, carrying packages, and holding doors. These days, helping others is not about gender roles. Whoever gets to the door first should hold it open for others. When holding a door, stand to allow plenty of room for people to pass. And if someone opens the door for you, don’t forget to say ‘thank you’.
6. Women Being Served First
Women used to be served first at seated meals, followed by men in a clockwise order around the table. However, the restaurant industry is now adopting a more gender-neutral and efficient approach to serving guests.
7. Man Always Paying the Bill
Some traditional women might still insist that men should foot the bill on the first date, a concept unchanged for centuries. Women’s advancements in society and the workplace changed the rules and today, splitting the first date check is widely accepted. There are exceptions, such as in the Scandinavian countries or the Netherlands, where if a woman initiates the date, she’s expected to pay.
8. Men Walking on the Left Side of a Woman
This is an old etiquette rule that dates back to the Middle Ages. Back then, knights wore their swords on the left, so women walked on their right for safety. Today, however, there’s no specific rule about which side men and women should walk on in relation to each other.
9. No Putting Elbows on the Table
The old rule of not putting elbows on the table was logical when tables were unstable and could collapse easily. But today we have much sturdier tables so this etiquette rule is no longer valid. In fact, leaning in while someone speaks, even resting on your elbow, shows you’re interested and paying attention.
10. Wearing Your Sunday Best for Public Events
In the past, it was common to dress up nicely for public events, school meetings, or going to church. Men wore jackets, ties, and hats, and even children were dressed neatly. Back then, it would have been unusual to see someone in pajama pants at the supermarket, but nowadays, it’s just part of everyday life.
11. Making Toasts with Alcohol Only
The strange rule of not raising a glass if you’re not drinking alcohol comes from ancient superstitions. Nowadays, etiquette experts say it’s okay to join in toasts without alcohol. You can raise a glass of water, or juice. You can also just mimic the action with your hand, and you can even hold the glass to your lips without sipping.
12. Leaving Calling Cards
In the past, it was common to exchange calling cards when meeting someone for the first time. In Asian countries like Japan, business cards are still important and should be treated respectfully. They are usually placed prominently on the conference table and referred to during the meeting. In the West, people usually share social media handles.
13. Addressing Others with Ms. or Mr.
You no longer have to address people who are around our age as Ms. or Mr. followed by their last name unless they prefer it that way. Unless your workplace or culture has a different rule, it’s generally fine to use someone’s first name when you meet them.
14. Addressing a Letter with ‘Dear Sir’
Many outdated etiquette rules make assumptions about gender that no longer apply. Take, for example, the default greeting “Dear Sir,” in written correspondence with strangers. Today, it sounds odd and may even come across as rude. Adding “or madam” doesn’t fix this, given the diverse ways people identify. If you don’t have a name, use the person’s title (e.g., sales manager) or “To Whom It May Concern.”
15. Returning a Full Dish of Food
You no longer have to return a dish full of food when someone gives it to you as a gift. It used to be that you couldn’t return an empty food container, which didn’t make sense. Now, it’s kinder to put the food in a container the person can keep or in a recyclable one. Just a thank-you note is enough to show your gratitude.
16. Waiting for a Year to Send a Wedding Present
In the past, etiquette said you could wait a year after a wedding to send a gift to the couple, though why is unclear. Nowadays, with gift registries and fast delivery, it’s best to send gifts before the wedding. If you’re going to the ceremony, it’s polite to bring the gift with you.
17. Talking About Money
In the past, talking about money was a big no-no. People didn’t share their wealth or the cost of their stuff. Nowadays, it’s normal to flaunt your lifestyle, even on social media. However, it’s important to be considerate of others’ financial situations. It’s best to avoid detailed money discussions and instead use polite responses like “I make enough to get by” when asked about income.
18. Not Wearing White
Have you ever heard about not wearing white before Easter or after Labor Day? No one knows for sure where this rule came from. Another old rule says second-time brides shouldn’t wear white gowns because it’s the color of virginity. That’s true, but white also symbolizes celebration in many cultures, which is why modern brides widely disregard this rule.
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