A Relationship often begins with a romantic lie which is famously stated in an Oscar Wild quote:
“When one is in love, one always begins by deceiving one’s self, and one always ends by deceiving others.”
This quote by Oscar Wilde looks into how when two people begin a relationship, they may form idealistic views of what their relationship is. The feelings of being passionately in love with someone, may make you feel like it will be a long term relationship. Though, when the feelings fade the reality of the situation is left behind you are left to understand how a relationship truly benefits your life.
A relationship brings a wealth of opportunities by offering a stable environment with physical and emotional support. The partnership entails two (or more) people gathering resources and working towards a common goal. A person’s partner is able to see who they truly are and what they are working towards from the words they speak and the actions they take. For example, a person’s true intentions can be seen from the amount of time a couple will spend together and the level of honesty within their relationship. They share personal knowledge that they would never considering divulging with just anyone. They openly talk about interests, dislikes, hopes, fears, history and future goals together in a safe and nurturing environment. The information divulged is used as an effort to be completely understand each other.
There are many reason why a person would lie within a relationship. Some of these reasons may include:
- Lying is often used to maintain a relationship for personal benefit: Sometimes within a relationship, people do not grow together and end up growing apart from one another. By not telling their partner that they have grown apart can stiffle a relationship from blossoming further. Since a person in the relationship is no longer trying, this can be seen as away to maintain a relationship for personal benefit.
- Lying allows people to break free from the control of their relationship: There is a level of control which includes the need to take into consideration their partner’s feelings. The person is able to gain rewards from different situations that would natural conflict with each other. A person is able to gain the benefits of a relationship whilst participating in other activities with minimal negative implications. Sometimes this can be seen when a person says they are spending their time doing something important but they are instead out having fun.
- Prevent emotional pain from unknown circumstances: People often lie because they are scared of the consequences of telling the truth. The truth can hurt other people’s feelings, they may have done something wrong which will get them into trouble. People who lie prevent the most uncomfortable situations from happening but at the expense of causing a dishonest relationships. It is also natural for the actions of the people who are the closest to us, to have the biggest impact. If someone we love tells us a lie feelings of betrayal and distrust may be even stronger than someone who lies to use we barely know.
Types of lies
There are many different types of lies including minimisation, misleading, half-truth, exaggeration and defamation. The two most common types of lies within a relationship include white lies and cover-ups:
White lies
White lies are used to protect someone from something which could potentially hurt them but in reality be absolutely harmless. For example, if your partner has cancelled plans due to a personal problem. You may be greatly annoyed. When your partner asks how you feel about cancelling plans, you may reply with “It’s okay honey, I love you very much. We can go another day.” This shields your partner from becoming upset over something which doesn’t necessarily matter.
Cover-Up
A cover-up is when someone tells their partner completely different information in order to cover up the truth.
How does lying effect people?
In the past, lying has effected everyone somehow. Whether it was a way to cover up the truth or a way to keep a secret. Lying effects people by:
- Undermining a relationship which may result in the loss of a person who is important to you
- People are less likely to trust what you say in the future
- People’s feeling become hurt
Image: Lying
Why should you tell the truth?
People will know you have integrity
By being honest other people will respect and trust your opinion when you speak.
Gives you peace of mind
You will be able to feel self-respect and confidence with knowing you have done the right thing.
Deals with personal issues
Being honest isn’t easy but it means you have to deal with problems straight on. If you attempt to sweep a problem under the rug, it will still be there and you would not have dealt with the issue. The issue more than likely will come up again in the future.
It means you care
If you are honest, you care enough to deal with issues that allow you to build a relationship that is based on trust with a more meaningful connection.
Doesn’t make people guess
Sometimes people assume that others can understand an expressed emotion on their face. Some of these feelings may be from bad past experiences that have happened in previous relationships and then projected onto the current relationship.
You’re not allowing people the opportunity to change
If you are not able to express your issues honestly, you do not give people the option to be able to change what they have been doing. This stops the relationship from adapting or two people from growing together.
People may go on their own emotional rollercoaster
If you don’t express your feelings, they may see you hurt and begin to feel a whirlwind of emotions. Emotions can fester and in the end provide long term damage. The way they feel and think can in turn cause more deception within the relationship.
The truth can be less painful
In the case someone finds out that you have previously lied. Hearing the truth after you have lied can be more painful.
Builds an honest relationship
Telling the truth means you will be able to work through things honestly. The hard work you put into a relationship will help to build strength, trust and love. You will be able to be yourself.
There is more effort in lying
If you lie you will create a relationship based upon false pretences. This means you will have to keep the lie up and you may end up building an even bigger lie. You will need to remember all the lies you keep. It takes away from the enjoyment of a natural loving and sexual relationship and lose sight of your own personal values.
