In a surprising effort that shows that somehow Prisoners have better communication with each other in different states than you did in your last, failed relationship, some 25,000 prisoners in about 29 prisons over 12 states have basically unionized. That’s right, prisoners do a better job of standing up for their rights than we do. Are you feeling ashamed yet? You should.

Since September 9th, the anniversary of the uprising at Attica, work stoppages all across the prisons of this nation have caused prison guards headaches, longer lines at the DMV and husbands and wives upset that they aren’t getting their conjugal visits. Trying to end the 30 cent maximum wage that is currently in place, the prisoners are trying to end what they call “slave labor” wages. Now, they have two major problems with that, however. First of all, slaves didn’t get Paid. They were housed and fed, just like prisoners, but they didn’t even get a minimum wage, so that goes out the window right there. Secondly, you don’t really care about them because they are prisoners.

Yeah, you know it’s true. Admit it to yourself. People who did bad things want to have a better life? Oh, boo hoo for them? Why should they be allowed to unionize, get better wages and potentially increase the economic output and responsibility in their lives, all under the guise of “maybe they’ll be better people once they get out of prison?” I mean, didn’t they have to do something horrible just to get in? The answer is, “maybe?” About 10,000 people are wrongfully imprisoned each year in the United States. I bet you don’t even know that many people. I bet you don’t even have more than a handful of people you can really call friends. I bet that if you were in prison you’d be doing horrible things just to be able to claim you had friends, because you’re not that likable and even you wouldn’t be friends with you. But this isn’t about you, this is about paying people less money an hour for labor than you would page for a single postage stamp. Maybe the caveat is that if they are getting paid less than a postage stamp someone needs to lick their backs? I don’t know.

There are even states where labor isn’t paid for at all, while in federal prisons they get paid a whopping 40 cents a hour. That sounds like too much to me. I mean, what are they going to spend that on in prison? They could get so much damn ramen after a few months work. There have been riots, hunger strikes, violence and potentially there will be death, but you won’t read about it much on the news because why would you care? These are bad people! All prisoners, even the innocent ones, or the ones that are in there because they killed someone that was abusing their children, shot someone that raped their wife or ran over someone that was trying to steal their car, are bad people. We don’t like bad people. That’s why we hate everyone that isn’t us. Obviously, the only good people on this planet are the ones that are just like me… or you, which if you read this out loud, it would feel like you were saying this about you anyhow.

So, did I just waste 10 minutes writing about something you don’t care about? I don’t know, but you might have just wasted a few minutes reading it. I’m hoping you care about something, whether it be your own minimum wage jobs, the fresh air you get to breathe on a daily basis and the fact that you might get your license plates faster from the DMV if these horrible villains of society start getting paid more than what it costs to get a miniature Slim-Jim these days. Bad people deserve bad wages, right? I mean, getting anally raped in prison isn’t bad enough, they need to work hard and make no money for it, too.