30 February, 0153: “Who can say for sure? Perhaps a frontal lobotomy would be the answer!”, said the doctor,before adding, “If science can operate on this distorted brain and put it into good use, Society would reap a great benefit!” Although, the doc said all this with an air of confidence, one hour later he tragically confirmed to the world that it was himself and not the Patient who had the distorted brain!
Sneezing is good. It helps us get rid of intruders in our nasal cavity. In fact, sneezing has been regarded as a heroic act by several ancient civilizations. Often, we have observed, great empires being thrown over and newer empires being established only because the latter sneezed with more perfection! From establishing domination to ensuring victories in battles, a Mighty Sneeze is indeed what brave human beings look forward to!
But who knew that such a noble task such as sneezing could break hearts of so many people and what’s worse, break so many bones, in fact all, of one person. It was three days before the day after tomorrow, that is, yesterday that the doctor was attempting to attempt a frontal lobotomy, which is a pretty illegal Surgery nowadays, on a 123.456 years old, rather young, as he likes to call himself, man, who had apparently been suffering from tweet syndrome, in which, one person can not refrain himself from tweeting meaningless tweets, often incomplete with invented words, especially at the middle of the night!
The surgery began pretty well, with the doc making ostentatious hand movements which dazzled the innocent interns who were either presently absent or absent-mindedly present there. Unnoticed by everybody, a vicious mosquito was advancing towards the engulfing premises of the doctor’s nasal cavity. With one last flutter of wing, the mosquito successfully succeeded in succeeding to succeed to enter where many mosquitoes have only dreamed of entering. But the utterly sensitive nose of the doctor, in a moment of haste, sprang to life and what followed is probably the pinnacle of human endeavour towards modernisation. He sneezed! Not just a sneeze but a Sneeze, a big fat mighty SNEEZE!
We are unsure of what happened next, as no soul still confined within their bodies, retained their consciousness during such a cataclysmic event. What we do know, is that the patient with tweeter syndrome has fractured all 206 of his bones including the malleus, incus and stapes of both the ears!
A surgery that could have lasted only a few hours, gave birth to a situation in which the patient required at least a year worth of surgery. Our feelings and thoughts are with him tonight.
Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay
Editor-in-chief
Antarctica Daily
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