Continued from chapter 13 of the Devastation Series.

I noticed a car following me as I got to the end of the road, right before I hit the highway. There were several consecutive turns on the way out of my Dad’s neighborhood. The odds of someone hitting the exact sequence of turns as me – at the same time as me – was highly unlikely. The person behind me had their sun visor down and hyper-tint was active, so I could not see them clearly from my seat. I turned around to get a better look at the vehicle as well as the shadowy figure in the driving seat. I still could not make out who it was. I was growing more concerned so I started watching closer. I continued with my music and headed to the cafe not losing focus on the tail-gaiter. I convinced myself that this was just a coincidence and if it was not, I would shake them at the parking lot.

I pulled into the cafe and up to the drive-thru. As I navigated the parking lot I did not see the car behind me. While I waited in line I thought that my hunch must have been true. I made it to the ordering screen and selected a sandwich that called to me. It was one of those heavenly sounds a choir made with a miracle that happened. I also ordered another dirty chai and added a couple of small desserts. I decided that I would take my dad a treat. When I was growing up, a dessert when you were sick, was par for the course, so I thought that I would carry on the tradition. Before dealing with my apparent stalker, I planned on visiting my father before going to wait for groceries. So I asked myself – why not? The order updated on the screen and the total QR code appeared. I scanned the code with my phone and paid for the food digitally. Once the order was processed, I pulled forward – sort of off to the side and waited in a numbered compact stall. I looked around one last time but did not see the car that I believed was following me. I stared out the front window through my hyper-tint and watched birds fly overhead.

The restaurant was slower than normal that day and came out about 15 mins. later. A tall young high school aged kid brought the meal out to me. She had a see-through mask on and smiled wide while delivering the food. I handed her some paper money and I took the order from the carhop’s hands. I opened the order to verify that the contents were correct. I never had issues at that establishment, but had grown accustomed to verifying orders due to experiences elsewhere. I closed the order up to keep it warm and started to place the bag into the passenger seat. Suddenly my passenger Door quickly swung open and a figure lunged into the car and right beside of me. I freaked out and dropped the meal bag while I shouted a string of frantic obscenities. My muscles stiffened and went to an instinctive defense strategy. I felt my body repel away from the passenger side and my right arm stiff-armed the figure. My left hand fumbled with the eject button, which I finally hit, and the seatbelt reversed. The passenger was not fighting as I would have expected someone to do if they were planning a crime. Not able to think quickly enough, I started smacking at the door to open it. A female voice loudly overpowered my sporadic movements and sounds. It was from Valerie. “What the F#@K is wrong with you?” I bellowed in scared anger. 
“Gotcha…” She said with sarcasm like nothing was wrong with the situation. We both calmed down and while I was annoyed, my muscles started to relax. My heart raced…
“Seriously Valerie. What is wrong with you? Why in the hell did you stalk me and cause me to nearly s*@# my pants?” I barked back to her.
“Can we talk?” She questioned. I was so baffled at that moment. I struggled to form words. My anxiety was alerted and muscles ached from sudden tenseness. My heart was still thundering in my chest, though. I wanted to push her outside of the car door and at that particular moment, run over her. Twice even…
“Yeah – Valerie – I s’pose we can. Is this how you get people to talk to you? What is wrong with you?” I reiterated.
“Where are you going – may I follow you?” Her tone had changed. Her demeanor was much softer and she was less prickly than the last couple of days. His mannerisms were more welcoming and friendly also. While she did do a crazy thing, she appeared genuine.

The stare-off only lasted for a moment. Several things raced in my mind. I tried to be warming and more welcoming but it was obviously forced at that point. My triggers were dissipating, but not fast enough for the direction of the conversation. “Would you like something to eat?” I asked. After a moment she thought that she would like something. We ended up going back through the drive-thru and I ordered a second sandwich and a side salad. She also asked for a chai coffee, like she had that morning. After paying we drove around to the same parking spot. I was so confused about what was happening at that moment. What changed, I wondered? I started with basic questions – such as where she parked, how long was she following me, and did she plan to abruptly jump in the car like she was going to hijack me. Before I could ask anything else, the orders came out and I checked her order then handed it to her. “I was going to see my dad next – did you want to tag along? While I am f#$*#& pissed off at you – I know you care for him too – and I am going there.” She liked that idea, so we started driving to the hospital. Since she was eating, I took a long way. My appetite had diminished for the moment. I settled on eating at the hospital.

I turned on some modern rock and played it at a medium volume. It was quiet enough that we could talk without shouting – but loud enough that we could not whisper and listen. “Seriously, though, what the hell is wrong with you?” I asked with a raised eyebrow. My voice cracked a little with the question.
“Jake, I am different…” She began.
“You don’t say…” I interrupted with an exaggerated gasp and reaction.
“I have not been very kind to you over the past couple of days.” She confessed.
“Thank you – I thought it was just me…” I cockily replied.
“Sometime, I will share more about me and why I am the way that I am. I didn’t mean to snuff out all of your attempts…” she explained, “… well, I did actually… I… well, I am sorry.”
“Admitting you have a problem is the first step,” I exaggeratedly winked at her.
“Why didn’t you see your dad before now?” She asked.
“Well, that was one of the changes in my life…” I shared and began telling my story of change. I talked about Maggie and not knowing my dad was trying to make contact all along. I explained that he withdrew after mom died and we did grow distant. She seemed aware of some of the stories. I had assumed that the distance with Dad continued to grow and then I had gotten caught up in my life. I started telling her about work – and how I feel like my eyes are being opened. It felt childish. I was sure I lost her somewhere in the story. I started sharing and speaking to her as if it was a lecture. I lost focus on Valerie somewhere along the way and almost day-dreamed as I explored the passions I have been having. My hands danced in front of me as I orchestrated the story of changes in Jake’s existence. Time flew by and before I knew it, we had made it to the hospital. I snapped back to the present and looked over to Valerie. She was looking at me and she had not lost interest. She paid attention the entire time. I smiled and then we got out of the car.

She pulled her PPE back down over her face as we walked towards the main hospital entrance. Even if you didn’t believe in the mask situation, which I guessed that she did not, she was respectful of the belief systems. Plus, it was a requirement, and we were out in public in a place that would get a whole lot more attention. I remembered my ticket and made a note in my phone to handle that. I walked to her left but a few steps behind. “Have you been out to see him… or any time before?” I asked her as we walked under the patient’s entrance awning. 
“Not this time, but every other time.” She replied.
“Every…other time?” I repeated.
“This isn’t his first time, Jake.” She answered back. The way she said it – at that moment – there were so many things that I realized that I did not know. I wanted to know more – but now was not the time to ask. My father would not approve of anyone dwelling over all the things that had gone wrong in his life, or issues that he had faced. Even, with out history, our gap, I was confident that it would still ring true. It was one of those beliefs that would become etched in a person’s core, and there was no changing that.

I motioned at her to follow me as we rounded a corner. I stopped at the elevator and pressed the up button. As we waited for it, I grew impatient not hearing any movement or chimes. I pressed the button a couple more times. After waiting for a few more moments, I pressed up a few more times. Well, until she put her hand over it. “What?” I asked her, looking over in a kid’s curiosity.
“Just relax. It will come down – there is probably a good reason.” She assured me.
“Yeah – like its slow… or maybe the wires are shorted. Or…” I continued on a rant – some sarcasm, some self proclaimed truths. The signal lit and a digital chime occurred as the doors opened. I started to rush in but was abruptly stopped and had to back away. I looked over to Valerie and noted how she had raised an eyebrow at me, as she gazed over the people leaving the elevator, very pleased with herself. A tiny elderly woman and man, both with walkers, scooted and shuffled slowly out the doors. The woman first, then the man creeped out afterward. She called back to him and him up to her like geese flying in the sky confirming their location. I bit my lips and glanced back at Valerie. Nothing needed to be said. I had gotten the message.

After the couple moved out of the way, I inserted my arm inside the door to trip the timer so we could enter. The door jerked back open and I motioned for Valerie to enter first. I selected the floor as the doors closed and we were raised to one of the top floors. “I get it…” I finally said, breaking the silence. She smiled and that was just enough to abide by my guilt. The atmosphere was confusingly different than when I followed her around at the farm. There was warmth in the air and she seemed like a completely different person. I found myself timidly exploring conversation and small talk since the learned reactions from the morning. The door chimed, opened and I followed her out. I pointed and led the way down the hall to Dad’s room.

The lights were still dim in the room and with the sun passing overhead the heat from the windows had subsided. The blankets were messy and items were rearranged on his tray and beside him, compared to my last visit. Dad’s eyes were shut and he has inclined again like he was watching the ceiling. Valerie and I walked inside slowly as to not disturb him. “He looks so peaceful,” Valerie whispered, “…and he is sitting still…” 
“You never see him like this – do you?” I sat down in the chair and began to open up my food packaging. I did not want to wake him and was hungry by that point.
“When I see him…sick – he is usually like this…” She motioned to his position in the bed. 
“How long have you known him?” I muffled out in between bites.
“Since I ran away…” She looked at me and then to Dad, “maybe 10 years?” I knew there were so many more layers to that situation, and I wanted now, to not be that kind of heartfelt time. I nodded with an “ah” and casually moved on to asking about the last time he was ill. Apparently, he had been in and out of the hospital over the past couple of years. Then it hit me, Maggie had become different around my Dad about the same length of time, ago. I wondered if, in her way, she was trying to protect me? I wondered if she did it to spite me – or did she keep it quiet so it was not a hassle to her and our little lives. I could feel a day of reckoning being formed – but I was not ready yet, and certainly not that day. My dad yawned a lion’s yawn and squinted his eyes looking at Valerie. “Val is that you?” He rhetorically asked. He was wonderfully surprised to see both of us. He was also startled by the combination but rolled well with it. 
“I am just eat’n don’t mind me,” I mumbled with tiny chipmunk cheeks. Dad understood and redirected his attention to “Val.”

The sandwich was nourishing and hit all of the hunger spots. The weight tugged at my eyelids, I rubbed my eyes and held off the yawns as I watched and listened. It was as if we were sitting by a campfire and story-time was the activity. Their interactions were like a choreographed skit. He would tell some story and she would laugh, they would both chuckle along and then wait with anticipation while each finished a story. Most of the stories were unfamiliar to me. It was a different life that they talked about. I sat and quietly listened to the reminiscing of how things were done on his or her farm. Several tales started with “One time…” It was cute, and I fell a rush of warmth jolt through my body, it carried some other feeling… like frustration. I rubbed my eyes and dismissed them for the time being. I listened with my feet on the ottoman and slouched into the fluffy pillow-topped chair. I closed my eyes and listened to them for a while until I didn’t hear them anymore.

I startled awake when he slid his dinner tray to the side. “Welcome back – sleepyhead.” Dad said, “I didn’t save you any…” he motioned towards the food with his head.
“Thanks, dad.” I sat up straight in the chair and massaged my hands along my thighs. Valerie looked conversationally exhausted, and Dad had a weighed down look on his face. She was also carrying something she was not before, but I attributed it to my dad’s relentless story telling and debates. His monologues or soapboxes could be quite extensive and would slay even the noblest rhetoric knight. Dad and I also chatted about the farm for a moment. He asked me again, how work was. He also investigated below the surface to ensure that I was “alright.” I shared a small bit in passing, playing it off as nothing. I shared some details about Samuel, my fascination, and that he was in the Midwest somewhere. At least that was where his group headed, considering that he may not be alive any longer. I had not given the thought much light until that moment.

Geared up for the next round, my dad barraged me with questions about what I was reading. He was intrigued by the stories and for quite some time, I felt like I held my own in the self-sustaining worldly conversation. I got lost in rants, and they both just listened as I shared everything that I could think of. My fascinations, the life I was leading, my mess of a life at the moment, and how amazing it felt to be free-er. We continued to chat until the nurse came in for the nightly rounds. I looked down at my watch and it was early evening. I was beside myself with how long I had talked; how long we had conversed. Valerie and I stood and moved out of the way as the nurse ran the AI-Scans. The nurse mentioned the results as they appeared. Elevated this… and that… low oxygen saturation… She pulled the stethoscope from her pocket and placed the sensor over my dad’s chest and lungs. She reached her fingers up to her ear as a natural reaction to ensure there was a seal in her earpiece. I do not think that was needed any longer with the magnification but the instinct remained; just like turning the volume down when looking for an address – even though the AI has been driving us for a really long time.
“Well, it looks like some of your numbers have improved, Jake. How do you feel?”
“You can go ahead and release me – I am ready to get back in there!” He laughed a bit, then coughed.
“Riiiighttt.” She exaggerated with a wink. “But seriously, I do think you need to rest. Your visitors have been here a while – and you need to recover. You can be a talkative one…”
“That’s the thing doc,” I think Dad called everyone doc, in a hospital, “they did heal me.” He affirmed in a serious tone that was no longer the sarcastic glimmer but a deeper story hook. I forced an obvious stretch.
“Yeah dad, you wore me out. Valerie too…” She snapped her head sideways, confused by me. “Can’t you see her dragging self..” I motioned up and down Valerie to make light of the heavy subject matter.
“Oh right…” She hesitantly agreed.

We finished with common pleasantries such as “What are you guys going to do tonight?” Dad asked referencing Valerie and me, together. It was as if we were already best friends and had been spending significant amounts of time together “What do you mean Dad? Us?” I inquired.
“Well, the two of you are here…. together… And when you leave… I guess it will be… together… so I just thought maybe…” Dad trailed off.
“Fair enough. Fair enough.” I nodded with a shrug.
“Well – he isn’t really taking me anywhere…” Valerie said playing up to Dad.
“What is that supposed to me? Fine I will offer you the best value-meal in a two-block radius.” I exclaimed with a small room echo.

We finished up saying our goodbyes and we walked back towards the car. “You don’t have to get a snack with me… y’know.”
“I know.” She replied, “… but I am hungry and you’re offering… and driving.” Of course, she was right – it did make sense. I opened my phone and followed her lead while I scouted something to eat. I was not very hungry but would love the food later. Just then I remembered my delivery window this afternoon. I was going to reschedule… and was now going to miss it. I had to stop walking and dive into the logistics for a few moments. I read the app’s fine print and settings and features. It seemed like I clicked everything but the right thing. Luckily – I discovered that they alert or call before starting. I was relieved that I did not miss my chance. For once, something running behind, in life, benefitted me.

Valerie started to talk and I put my hand to her mask without thinking about it. “Did you just shush me?” She acted offended. I let out a sigh and signaled for one moment.
“I just need to take care of this… I am all over the place right now…” I was slightly frazzled and showing signs of scattering at that moment. I found the link that I was looking for and selected later delivery. Since it was still early in the context of a delivery day, I opted for the latest delivery possible, 10 PM. I apologized up and down to Valerie, then offered a dessert as a bribe. “My life… is just a mess right now…” I confessed, “its… complicated.”
“Well, I have a little time since my ride isn’t leaving for a bit…”

We ended up heading to a nearby cafe. We made it to the car and there in just a few moments. She pretended to be annoyed at me but it was obvious that she exaggerated. We sat at one of the booths off to the side in the restaurant. The room light was glowing and the sun was on the other side of the building. The cool breeze of the enviro-stable circulation sent chills over my arms and hit Valerie too. It was peaceful and a good spot. We were able to take off our masks, and our faces felt the cool air around us. The waiter arrived and stood outside of the controlled zone, an imaginary line that was a barrier. He was slightly difficult to hear in his mask, but we had grown accustomed to “mask-speak.” We both ordered waters, a side salad, and a sandwich off of the menu. I had mine packaged in a to-go container. “So are you going to tell me?” She pressed me for answers while we awaited the meals.
“For…” I motioned for more information, slightly anxious at the table.
“Why are you…so…what did you call it? Scattered?” She cocked her head to the side like a puppy hearing a toy for the first time. I tried to resist but the puppy look sold me. I thought I would have been saved by the meal, but she persuaded me for more, the moment that I would tire or dwindle off. So, I continued talking for the duration of her sandwich and salad. I explained just about everything to her that I had not shared in another rant. I rattled off the great things about Maggie and the things that didn’t work. I showed her the puzzle of me I was re-piecing together. I also went over Samuel and 116. I explained how that had shaped to be a passion project for me. I shared the shady decision at work that had me stressing over what to do – and the trapped feeling that has encapsulated my freedom. There was a small disappointment, like an “oh” but she never shamed me – or judged me. The truth was told, all of it… that I could think of at that moment. I am not sure if it was the confession or just being acknowledged but the relief physiologically shaped me in those moments. I shared how Maggie and I had grown distant but comfortable. My fears for my dad – and regrets of not knowing he tried to reach out. And all of it just kept coming. It was more than she had bargained for but I could not stop. She never missed a beat, to comment in a pause. She remained engaged throughout her meal until the check came.

I paid online and we masked up to leave. I took one last drink of my soda and slid my PPE into place. I carried my meal bag and led the way to where we parked. I opened her door and we both got inside of the car. “Alexa, list the destination’s today,” I called out, watching the navigation pane list stops from the day. “Go to option 3,” Alexa confirmed for me, and then ran the take-off diagnostics. Valerie asked which address was 116, and I shared it with her. She was curious about which part of town it was in. While it was not the best part of town, it had easy access to some of the main roads. It also had the essential outlets. With a pause, I heard music in the background. I turned on modern folk music and we sat quietly listening for the drive back to her car. The drive was both awkward and peaceful. I felt bad for unloading on Valerie, but the chains that were lifted made it all worth it. I knew that I did not upset her. I guessed that the silence was just processing the overshare. That, and we covered a lot of ground. I wondered if we burnt out any friendship, already.

We got back to her car and we agreed to meet up tomorrow late morning to go over the chores at Dad’s. She said the workload would be less than it has been since we did so much Saturday morning, but there were tasks that we should do daily such as a vermin and predator patrol. We did not stay silent through the goodbyes but we were sizing each other up. What was our relationship? I was not ready for a girlfriend and while I found Val attractive, my life felt like it was in shambles, to paraphrase a discussion that I had earlier. I watched her get into her car and waited for her to drive off, then I did the same. I continued the mellow folk playlist that we had started at a much louder volume – and enjoyed the trees passing by. A notification on my phone asked me if I still wished to have the grocery delivery in a couple of hours. I realized how much time passed by in our time together. I accepted the delivery as I was driving home since I would be at the apartment in just a moment. The clouds looked fluffy again and the gray ones in the distance looked like a storm was due in later. I felt like the weather and outside was a version of me at that moment. Storms brewing, but enjoyable for parts.

I got back to the apartment and kicked my shoes across the room. I reheated my to-go bag and grabbed another plate from the cabinet. I pulled the whiskey bottle out of the freezer and carried it like a football with hot food on the other hand. I was feeling carefree and sprawled out on the couch. Taking a load off felt very literal, to me, at that moment. The food tasted like the bag this time but I was hungry and didn’t care. I felt too tired to complain, despite my best efforts and imagination.

After I settled in I opened the journal on the floor beside me and started reading from Samuel’s words. He was discussing a trip and travel at that point in the story. I caught myself in a tangent – what if this was a story? I shook that thought away and refocused on the book. It was the first mention of travel. He had listed several states in a hand-drawn table: Montana, Wyoming, Colorado, and The Dakota’s. Samuel had started to look up the state regulations for living off of the land – what a person could do, could not do, and where would benefit him the most. The momentum was shifting in the journal. The vibe started to feel more action-oriented and less spectator. I continued reading suspecting that he would name an exact spot, but that particular journal only compared and contrasted the information.

My phone chirped when the deliveries were en route to the apartment. I had only done this once before, and I made the drivers wait unintentionally, so I rushed out to the front doors. I thought to myself, “Finally – food!” I walked down to the entrance and waited until a ping “arrived.” I heard a noise overhead and saw a small box being delivered by the largest drone that I had ever seen. I pulled the box from the harnesses and acknowledged delivery on my phone. The delivery driver showed up and parked in a fire lane right as I was done getting situated. He got out of the vehicle and came around the car to hand me two strapped bags to carry. After approving that delivery too, I bumbled my way to the front door of the complex door. With some finesse and a lot of luck, I got everything in without dropping an item. I trotted awkwardly down the hall to the room door and I leaned against it. My luck must have faded because I lost my grip as the door swung upon. The keys were dragged from my hands as the weight of my load forced the door wide open. I stood standing still for a moment and rubbed my face. After a sigh, I made it inside and put everything into a spot, attempting to be somewhat organized. Cold in the fridge, everything else on the counter for the time being with like items together. I felt put together for a moment and had some semblance of normality. I debated just going to bed for the day and enjoying the positive moments that I had for all those hours. Things were bound to change, though. I heard thunder outside and lighting announcing a storm.

My phone rang. I answered, not knowing the number. “Hello?” I asked.
“Hello, this is St. Christopher’s Memorial Hospital, are you Jake McClain, Jr?
“I am…” I acknowledged.
“I am a nurse for your father. Do you have a moment?” She asked. I reluctantly agreed, but it would not have changed the outcome. I listened as she explained that my father had slipped into a coma. The complications of pneumonia and cancer had worn on his body. He was not converting oxygen any longer. Nothing could be done at the moment, other than waiting. The prognosis was not good, but it was too early to tell for certain. No decisions should be made now, the nurse assured me. A doctor had not reviews the AI-Scan/Analysis yet. I thanked the nurse and blindly walked to the couch. How does a person thank someone…

I could not think, or feel anything. Should I go to the hospital? Lighting and a large thunder rolled over the windows. Should I wait at the apartment? I was in a daze and could not think, but I would be fine with a few moments, I assured myself. The whiskey shot was competing with adrenaline at the moment and I felt torn as to what the appropriate action or actions were. I sat on the couch and performed some quick research. Internet searches for medical-related items are never a positive experience. I never learned my lesson, though. All investigation led to the same answer, for now. There was nothing that I could do but wait. I felt that I needed more reassurance – or maybe I missed something that she had said to me in my initial fluster. I called the nurse back and confirmed as many details as I could think of. They recommended for me to try to rest and then come out in the morning. By then, the doctor would likely have reviewed the case info and AI-Analysis. I took another swig from the iced bottle and stared at the ceiling, as I slouched on the couch. I was numb.

Read more of the Devastation Series.