There’s this phenomena among former addicts where they will have a dream that they are using again. It’s called a “users dream”.  The dream feels so real that they think it actually happened and can even wake up feeling like they had gone on a bender the night before.  It’s typically triggered by something that brings up a memory from that specific time period. It creeps out of the subconscious through dreams.  I don’t think that it is exclusive to people that have addiction problems, I think it is quite prevalent in anyone that has gone through a stressful period. Yesterday I conducted an interview about what the mindset is for a Business before they get third party finance.  Last night I had what I could only describe as a “user’s dream”. Mine was about when we starting National Factoring Group, all the mistakes that we made, all the money that we wasted, and all the fear and loathing that came with it.  The dream hit me like a ton of bricks and I woke up as scared as I was on the day that I have always defined as our lowest day.

All new businesses start with great hope, but also with a healthy bit of caution.  You know the risk but, as the saying goes, no risk no reward; you can do this better than anyone else ever has and you’re determined.  Inevitably at some point something going to happen that is going to waiver your confidence and that fear is going to get a bit stronger.  Let’s be honest, working without outside capital often feels like walking a tightrope across the grand canyon without a rope after your second lesson, and every business will eventually have a bad experience with a vendor that will make you question the decision you have made this lead to you loathing every bad decision you have ever made.  Regardless of whether your Small Business has been around for a while or a start-up you have or will run into these situation.

Fear:  You have to be brave to walk away from the security of a stable pay check to start your own business. Being brave is what happens when you stand up to fear and decide to move forward in spite of it.  There is always fear going into the unknown. You know you are going to have to make a sacrifice at some point, but if you are determined you can make it through that period.  Much like many others I made the leap to business owner after I had made the leap to starting a family and there were times where I almost let fear dictate my life.  I was constantly chasing the next check because that was the difference between food and no food. Mark Cuban talks about ketchup and mustard sandwiches and I think most small business owners can relate to that. For me it was lentil soup.  We lived off of .99 cent bags of lentils with a dollar store can of ham for flavoring for days on end (for $1.99 three people can eat two meals a day for 4 days straight) When we had money we could make $150.00 cover 30 days of meals.  While we had offers from investors, the equity position they wanted would have just made us employees and our business model didn’t have the luxury to find alternative finance so we push through it.  The fear could have killed our business but it didn’t.  The fear gave us resolve, every business that we helped was a victory.  While we had to live that way, we knew our client wouldn’t.  Eventually we made it but that dream that I had felt like I was right back in it, and that is where the loathing came in.

Loathing:  When we started our company we had a very nice nest egg to get going, we were savers, and had a great idea along with a depth of knowledge in our industry. For us the unknown was the platform and putting our product on the internet.  We had talked to the experts, only went with the highest recommended vendors and gotten quotes from every vendors both in cost, time and expectation.  We had put together a team to poke every hole that they could into our business plan so we could have them all fixed before we started any development.  We had the money for everything and doubled the quoted time and still had enough money to make it beyond all quoted times and expectation. This is where everything went wrong. Although we didn’t know it at the time, we were green.  None of the commitments were met in performance or time.  We were given every excuse on earth as to why they were late on every aspect including their contractual obligations. Don’t worry though, every invoice from them was delivered on time.  We worked with them blindly for a while being told that it takes time, don’t get me wrong we wised up, but not quick enough.  The “users dream” brought up all the loathing that I still have for those companies.  I woke up as fearful as I was back in those days while at the same time having the same anger I felt towards them. Feeling as real today as it did back then. But I also felt something else that I felt back then. It was the same resolve to make sure that the businesses that use our services never feel what I felt or have to put their family or there employee’s family’s through that experience.

The fear is tough when you are going through it.  It can be paralyzing and most people have a time in their life when they will go through something like this.  My father has told me stories about when he immigrated to the United States and how his special treat leading into the holidays was a pound of good deli ham, a nice loaf of bread, a newspaper and enough postage to send a letter back home to his parent for the holidays. For Mark Cuban it was ketchup and mustard sandwiches, and for my family it was .99 cent lentils and dollar store canned ham.  The thing is, once you triumph, it goes from a fear paralyzing hell to a badge of honor.  One that can only be worn by the people that chose to not take the safe path but have looked fear in the eyes and said you’re not going to stop me .  Sure there is going to be some loathing along the way but without it you can’t learn anything which means you can’t truly appreciate the triumph.

While our whole business is based on our client limiting this experience I have great admiration for all my fellow sufferers who now only experience those memories through “user dreams”. While they may not be pleasant they do bring us back to remind each of us of why we got on our crazy roller coasters.