Poor Me's ;Manipulators often play the victim role ("poor me") by portraying themselves as victims of circumstances or someone else's behavior in order to gain pity or sympathy or to evoke compassion and thereby get something from someone.
Victim playing - Wikipedia
Hi it's Dermot again. If you read my last blog from 2nd May, you will know that this is a follow up to that blog and part of a "Recovery from Addiction Series", If not read on:
Poor Me Syndrome
It is ironic, but as I am writing this blog, I have been suffering from the poor me's, so this has been a wake up call for me. A kick up the ass, so to say. I have been full of self pity and blame as of late and everything has been going wrong, as I saw it. The timing at writing this blog could not have not been more perfect for me. God works in mysterious ways!!!
anduml;What are Poor Me's
anduml;How do I know if we have it, How does it effect the individual and How does it effect us socially.
anduml;What can I do about it.
anduml;What if I don't want to or fear change.
anduml;What would life be like without "Poor Me's"
What are Poor Me's
anduml;A depressed state or condition linked to dependency and co dependency, where the person thinks and feels that they are the victim over their own lives because of external influences.
anduml;A fear of change or of taking responsibility to implement self change.
anduml;Blaming and resentfulness.
How do I know if I have it?
anduml;If I am in a constant state of self pity.
anduml;If I am lethargic and have little to no self motivation.
anduml;If I feel and play the victim role constantly and never take responsibility or ownership for my own actions.
anduml;If I have little to no self worth or self esteem.
anduml;If I think and feel that the World owes me a living.
anduml;If I am very needy and demanding of others.
If I have extreme negative thinking.
How does it effect the individual?
anduml;Poor me, Poor me, Pour me another drink - Major cause of relapse.
anduml;Feels spiritually dead and little to no positive emotions.
anduml;Causes engrained bitterness and resentment through ongoing criticism, and absolutely no gratitude
anduml;Bleak outlook on life, in the now, cant see a future and dwells on the past.
anduml;Comfort Zone as fears change, or is being enabled.
anduml;Lethargic and Irresponsible.
How does it effect us socially?
anduml;People avoid us.
anduml;Only associate with other "Poor Me" people.
anduml;Resentment and jealousy of others.
anduml;Bite the hand that feeds you.
anduml;Nasty and ungrateful
anduml;Take people for granted.
What Can be done about it?
anduml;Each and everyone of us have all the tools and abilities to change our lives for the better.
anduml;Life isn't always as bleak as you think it is.
anduml;Every day the sun will rise and set, that's a given. How we think, what we do and how we feel in that time is totally up to us.
anduml;Look at life without chemicals and old behaviours not as a burden, but a release to explore something new.
anduml;Meditate daily to set yourself up for the day and allow yourself time in the day to do just that.
anduml;Let (Sh)it Go!!!
What can I do about it?
anduml;Look at the bigger picture.
anduml;Give hope a chance.
anduml;Do not criticise or judge.
anduml;Accept the way things are.
anduml;Be grateful for what you have and who you are.
"Change the way you look at things, and the things you look at WILL change" Dr Wayne Dyer
What if I don't want to or fear change?
anduml;Weigh up the pro's and con's of my existing thinking, attitude, and behaviour.
anduml;Ask myself, are my thoughts making me happy or sad, if sad then change my thoughts to happy ones.
anduml;Ask myself if playing the victim constantly is helping me or hindering me, i.e. "How many people visit me, or avoid me?"
anduml;Do I like being in a helpless Poor Me state or would I rather be more independent.
anduml;List what I fear and look at each fear objectively and share my fears with my peer group " A problem shared is a problem halved"
What would life be like without "Poor Me's"
anduml;Life has its ups and downs, so we wont be totally free of feeling sorry for ourselves at times, its how we deal with it that is important.
anduml;Ability to accept our emotions both happy and sad.
anduml;The power of choice would return to us.
anduml;We would live in the now and not dwell on the past or let nostalgia haunt us constantly.
anduml;Never have to believe in "if only I...."
anduml;More confident, responsible and courageous.
anduml;More grateful, appreciative and Independent.
My next blog is on Pursuit of Happiness
The articles in "Recovery from Addiction" Series, are the opinion of the author and if you would like to contribute to it, please leave a comment in the comment box below. If you want to subscribe, for free, to any further blogs of mine please leave your email in the blue box below.
My Recovery journey is about growth and I have decided to keep growing and challenging myself in recovery and life. My mentors in SFM, Stuart and Jay, have realy helped me look at me and how I can choose to make the most of my life and work towards the life I want to make for myself. My biggest pain point was trying to find time to spend with my kids and having to spend thousands on child minders, with a Laptop lifestyle that will soon be a thing of the past. If you want to learn more about what I've been learning, do click the link below and thankyou for reading my blog.