If you’re reading this, you're a guy with a Facebook Account, and your Facebook account has a DP (Display Pic). And if you are anything close to the median of internet users, you have put in a lot of effort into putting up a display picture that will in some way capture even the least bit of Awesome radiating from your visage. 

In your attempt to pretend you are interesting and good looking and have a life like the characters in Friends, the kind of photos you upload broadly fall into 9 different categories. Here they are in no particular order-

Wearing your awesome shades. In fact they are so awesome you wear them outdoors as well as indoors, in the day and in the night.

A piece of eyewear that may or may not match the rest of my clothes automatically makes me fashionable, hip and good looking. Also, the fact that I am indoors or that it is nighttime should be completely disregarded.

I don't own these shades, which is why I couldn't wait till morning to take this picture. They make me better looking than I am because they cover half my face. The only thing that could make me look even better would be a mask.

2. International Action man


Solitary shot blatantly highlighting the fact that you're some place abroad, either through the white people who just happened to wander into the picture or the famous monument in the background or simply the absence of suckage that is typical of the Indian outdoors. Once that is established, the International Action man isn't content with just standing there, he is getting his pic taken while bungy-jumping/ para-gliding/ scuba-diving/ something-something.

What you are trying to say-
I'm abroad bitches. I get to hang out in a place where Hollywood movies are born and all the women walk around in swim suits. In your face!

What you are actually saying-
My father paid for me to be here and this is the best way I can think of wasting his money. This should count as evidence when I tell friends I banged a lot of white pussy here.

Cheesy picture of awkward cuddle with your girlfrand that makes Twilight look realistic.

This is my girlfriend, and look how happy we are in our own private beautiful world. Don’t you wish you had this, because I get to go on dates and have sex and do other Relationship stuff, while you are busy humping your own hand.

My insecurity has forced me to upload this picture. Hopefully, seeing this, other guys will know she is taken, and not hit on her. I also hope all the likes and comments this picture gets will somehow fill the empty hole in my soul that this relationship was supposed to fill. Yes, you got it, I am in a relationship purely for the sake of a relationship, Facebook likes and comments.

In a bar/ restaurant/ mall with a shit-eating smile on your face, that is only matched by the 2 douchebags next to you. The icing on this cake of home baked mahachutiyapa is rocking your shades.

My life is so happenin’ yo, cos I’m doing bro stuff with mah homebros man. We totally go out and do awesome shit together dude.

This 1 trip to the mall with my buddies was such a huge event in my otherwise mundane and pitiful existence, that I just had immortalize this memory in the form of pictures, and tell all of you about it.

In front of a mirror in the gym, and carefully not looking at the mirror. You are trying to suck in your belly fat while simultaneously trying to flex your man-tits into something more homoerotic, and trying to pass off your flabby arms as biceps. If you are a higher breed of chutiya you also have your shirt off.

I go to a gym, lift weights and sweat. This is me in the middle of my workout, but I’m too busy lifting the huge weights to even look at the camera.  Go away and let me lift like a beast.

I have taken up a 1 year gym membership, and the most productive thing I’m going to use it for is taking this picture. So please like and comment.

Self explanatory, except that you have taken anywhere between 10 to 100 tries in holding the camera at the right angle and trying not to look too desperate in your attempts.

Forever alone.

Forever alone.

Taken at a tilted or upside down or any other wacky angle. The picture could be of an eye, or lips, or ear, or just about any part of your body that excludes your whole face.

I’m something of an artist, with my creative photography. This picture is supposed to be a symbol of something, or maybe not, it depends on how you look at it. Also, I’m not one of those narcissistic people who spend hours obsessing over uploading a good looking picture of me, so that’s why I’m putting up a picture of my left nostril.

I am one fugly bastard, and no matter how much I try, I just can’t get a picture of me that won’t shatter mirrors. Maybe you’ll think my armpit is pretty instead.

8. Guitar hero

Playing a guitar is the original version in this category. Variants include playing any other musical instrument, or cricket, or basketball, or basically doing anything on a stage. Can be combined with "Rockin' mah shades" to tap uncharted levels of chutiyapa (refer above pic).

What you are trying to say-
I'm one sexy stud who came here to fuck bitches & play guitar, and I just finished playing my guitar.

What you are actually saying-
All the people in my friend list I haven't seen in years are gonna be totally fooled into thinking I'm cool and popular now.

Pimping out to anyone famous in the field of sport or entertainment.

Depending on who's in the pic, and more often than not, it'll be one of the following-

Sachin (or any other Sport Superhero)- Supporting this man automatically makes me well versed in all things cricket, and sport, even though I don't know the result of the last home test series.

European Football Club- I am westernized and have a cool accent.

Saaxy actor- I am as good looking as this guy.

Cult Fictional Character (Joker/ Scarface/ Batman)- I have refined tastes, and I'm into intellectual shit.

I read up this guy's Wikipedia page once and I don’t have any good looking pictures of my own at the moment. Also, depending on who I have in my pic-

Sachin- I am boring and uninteresting but this pic will give me some sort of social acceptance, because the whole world loves Sachin.

European football club- I am a glory hunter. I cheer for this club because it wins and they talk about it on TV and their jerseys are sold in India.

Saaxy actor- Mai chutiya hoon.

Cult fictional character- I downloaded this movie through torrents after everyone told me about it and watched it with subtitles.

Honorable Mention- The passport mugshot



Staring straight at the camera with a lobotomized expression on your face. Not included here because it's so generic and overused that I just can't make it look interesting. Believe me, I tried.

That's it for now, everyone. If there's anything I missed out, do mention it in the comments section.
Coming soon to a blog near you- The 5 Facebook pics used by girls.