Chose your language and voice, if other then above ["ctrl-c" > "ctrl-v" > all text below(---->) to Run To Text input box https://www.yakitome.com Must give proper time to convert, please be patient!

Theblood that runs through my old and aging infected body, it’s the same blood that I was born with, but now it retains a Virus that has not just changed my whole life. It’s literally left me with blood on my hands not the stigma I’m presented with through ignorance that I work so ferociously to defy and educate these ignorant people, but stigmata. Racism and bigotry is alive and still effects so many people in this day and digital age, it's presented in and thru the media as if these ones still hold this hatred in the hearts like a promised golden chalice to feed their own ego, not believing that all and every human of mankind deserves to be loved, and respected to live in harmony while their cups are filled with wine and they swallow stale bread of a simple man that never once spoke of this hatred, but of kindness to all.

Is this equal?

No, they say they are saved or follow some cult-like system they've devoted their life to not following the true teachings of this man that once lived on Earth, instead following distorted embellished teachings so they will not suffer a firey torture in Hell that is actually on Earth. This wrath they so impose on those infected with this same variant of mutated virus I live with also appears in the media by way of suicide from hurting individuals, and sure they have candle lit memorials, but soon they are easily forgotten not long from all attended except for the close Family that feels that void, that touch, some go so far as listen to these voices of ramped up ignorant hiding behind electronic screens always looking down into them bullying them into such a loneliness that they can only find relief in taking their own lives and risk if there is no place of hell rather then deal with the hatred spewed fuel that drove then to stop living from the shame they felt and mere feeling of unimportance and loneliness of these anonymous trolls.

Does this give people power and the feeling a chosen sacredness in being so spiteful and evil towards others by a book written in a bronze age of slaughter and kings being worshiped as living gods. What happened to love your neighbor as yourself that was the second most important commandment this man they call Jesus stated other then love your God with all your heart and soul being the first. This seems to be lost in the times by the shear greed to be this powerful avatar hiding in some social network, or darkened corner waiting like a rabid wolf to feed on the weak to drive them to either give up on life or push them to take it swiftly by swallowing pills, or by the tassel of a hanging noose. I've personally known many that took this route. While those chosen ones feel almighty on the day of Saturn swallowing stale bread in sacrificial rite and a once splashing of anointed water to be reborn and filled with a ghost. 

Aren't we all reborn every day fresh to start a new day from releasing the negative Energy from the stress we all experience in our daily lives to be refreshed from closing our eyes while we sleep? Why are we still cauterizing the weak rather then holding out our hands and being good hearten humans that serve them with compassion and kindness. Rather then being damned to hell. When was this missed in their learning from a man in a suit up on elevated platform behind a pulpit translating the good word rather then damnation and a promise of this saviors return in a second coming. That man is dead, he lived his life and left a message and the rest you can believe what you want too. I know from Science and Universal Quantum Physics that it's not possible for a material being to be wisped up into a cloud and taken into this place they call heaven while he even stated himself that no one could ascend with a material body, and I know it was not viable even for himself by my knowledge in Science just as this whole immaculate birth. I mean no disrespect of the Christendom in any way or any of the sect of these monotheistic religions, but we have Science, Physics and Medical Science today to prove otherwise.

I was once one being a christian myself and have many Family that still our to this day, some still even have their own churches. I never got straight answers to any of my personal questions except to study the book, which revision it's been revised more then any book on this Planet. And to get on my knees and pray and let this ghost overwhelm me or it was Gods will and he only knew and would only give me what I could handle. I was actually taken to many of these revivals so many times with hands laid upon me up at this sacred alter that so many had collapsed upon in tears of guilt and shame for being told they were sinners to allow this man into my heart by this prayer and he would not forsake me and those speaking spirited tongues that either a head member or the Pastor had to translate for his faith in this God to give this divine message back to the congregation. I was told each and every time I was healed.

But, I kept getting sicker, weaker, fragile and losing weight while this virus was eating me from the inside out and it was clearly showing by my sunken cheeks and the so frequent visits to the emergency room to be told I had yet another opportunistic infection to be pumped with these toxic medications and my immune system was depleting because it was being attacked so fiercely by this virus we hardly knew anything about that was trying to kill me. We all saw it in horror on the television and the claims that the cure was on its way and to not lose hope. But I was there in these death trenches behind these closed doors seeing all these people, men, women, children of this viral war and I did have faith. I finally gave in and used my own mind instead realizing maybe, just maybe I was given a mind to use and fight this on my own.

Maybe this was secondary and this omnipresent being or Universal Vibrational Energy of Golden Blue Flame of hidden light had nothing to do with any of this, and it was up to me to figure out and live by my own sword of knowledge and fight and help as many as I could. I'll not go into depth and details for I will share all of that another day. I have two sets of these new Highly active antiretroviral therapy (HAART) left. I'm buying my time well and then I'll die with dignity and donate my bodily organs to save human lives, the rest can be studied, and the remaining will be incinerated by fire. Why waste space when this is not my home anyways, I came here as a visitor to learn thru this human experience. My home is of the Universe this body is made from star matter so it's only right in my heart. 

I've lived for others and served in every way I could in either teaching them or inspiring them that will listen to me when I actually do speak. I'm a very private simple man and those that never took the time to know me while I'm alive lost out, but my words from this keyboard that I post onto the internet and publish on my domain will live on and inspire with my stories of this human experience.

Being public and open about my living with AIDS was one of the hardest decisions and most challenging things I've done. I already knew I'd be judged, hated and disliked because of the stigma by ignorant people that would even be purely and innocently judgmental, but even after all these years some of the time, I doubtfully wish I'd just kept it all to myself like many others choose too in some way as a secret coveted safely away silently in my own secret closet, that I'd only share if needed to avoid the discrimination it’s caused myself and others I've come through to know on this struggling and grueling journey to fight to live and not just give in and die of this disease. It’s really been hard but I always share the positive parts of my life and not the ugly times that I have when I'm sick and vomiting, or had chronic diarrhea for 18 years straight. The fevers and infections, boils and cancer in my lungs that hurt so bad I wished I'd die it was so intense. It really was as if I was walking around with blood on my hands because I was coughing it up into them and the way people used to treat me and many still do this day. Some still do being scared that I will thru blood, semen or even my warm breath will mysteriously spill out onto them and infect them too. I have learned to face it head on and educate them to stop their ignorance so they hopefully will tell others. I've had literally hundreds of vaccinations and they have everyone of them helped me to stay alive and keep going. And yet, I see people on these soap boxes the vaccinations are killing are children. I've seen them save millions by what I have followed in my research.

Then all those remaining days I see how I’m such an inspiration to so many people’s life being this mysterious man that writes these articles, quotes and statements. Many don't even know how much I've written in my whole life. It really doesn't matter to me they are words I want results by actions and service to others. But being so sick that has been my only avenue to be of service behind a keyboard writing for some Corporation or small company. Much of my writing has not been under my real name as many writers do. Yesterday as in my writing this now, I revealed a large law suite I fought with the help of the ACLU and won for discrimination for not just myself but all disabled people with my disease that I asked for others to be included too so they could get a reduced bus pass to go to appointments or whatever I titled it “Defy Ignorance - Reflect”. So I won't go into all of that since it's already been stated and now public. I am only this simple man that is straight and having this virus live inside of me since I was 18 years old, I really don't know what it's supposed to feel like to be a normal adult human. I never had that chance to do all I had planned in this life and meet all those goals I had when I was a boy and a teenager. I do sincerely like revealing this strength I've found by helping others with my courage and bravery helping all these people that live in that secluded and shameful closet I sometimes wished I'd stayed in curled up in a ball crying out why me, why me. I see the hope I do give them with sharing just a little bit of my story and how many years I've survived. 

I want to back up a bit. This virus, threw me for so many loops, more then any wild roller-coaster I've ever been on, and I've been on all of the best of them being a thrill seeker at heart. It had even confused the medical doctors the whole first year by them misdiagnosing me with some rare form of leukemia since the virus was so misunderstood and our understanding of it was so heartfelt to see it affecting so many and not knowing what to do to save them.

Many of the so called experts even shared these promises that they would find the cure thru National television broadcasts and that it would all be alright to keep the populace calm, from mass panic. They simply didn't know and were grabbing straws and trying to keep hope alive. Many hopes were lost, many Families lost their Sons, Daughters, Fathers, Mothers and loved ones. I was right in the middle of this whole war, and saw it all first hand the looks in those peoples eyes and the conversations behind the closed doors. Maybe it was some evil curse I heard many of the religious I knew, maybe it was some judgment placed upon humankind and those that were all falling on the wayside so rapidly all deserved it for their evil ways. It did seem to be affecting the gay population the most by the media coverage and I did see that community being hit the most back then. But in those circles, I saw more then gay people, I saw horrified caring and compassioning faces that were my fellow humans that deserved to be treated with respect. They were my equals and sure the lifestyle can be different in those communities, they are wanting to be loved, by their partners and just live a happy life. I was raised a bigot mostly by my first stepfather and close to being a borderline racist by him as well, so this was all new to myself. But, I felt something in those people, I heard the weeping cries and saw their Families that did accept them and still loved them as humans, not gay people. I also heard the stories of the families that banished them for being gay and so they were on their own dealing with this virus with their community family.

I spent many nights on my knees praying to the judgmental fearful God I'd been raised to worship through my own Family, and others puking my guts out as this thing was trying to destroy my immune system, and body in this inner and outer war on my human material body. I at that time feared death and cursed the God others fear and love so much and worship in fear of being burnt forever in a miserable fire pit while all the others live in these promised Mansions for all their soul saving I guess on some Planet far far away in a distant galaxy. Was I too willing to die for this and just give up? They all say they are willing to die for it, this sexist God that others feared from the old religions and stories in those religious books that take so many voices to translate and tell from higher up on these pulpits from men in Suits that live in their fancy houses running this business by the demands of the board of that religion.

Not, me though, this was my life. I’m not a miracle; I’m an evolved animal that has come thru this species through evolution not from dirt I literally feel we were created but not here on this planet and as a light energy that they call or they refer to as a spirit. I am more than this human exterior flesh. I feel I'm only a temporary visitor; I come from this source of light the Universe its self as a single unit so in many ways we may all be gods in some way. That light lives in me with that infected blood pumping through the veins, from my heart. I’m only here for a short time compared to my true form that animates this life in me, it gives me life, life that I know I don’t need this body this is just an experience that we all go thru maybe many many times on more Planets then this one we call home. But, for this short time, I must endure this and fight to live thru this and swallow all these pills and endure the side affects they give me.

As I've shared I was misdiagnosed with a wrong disease at the start of this trying nightmare and was being treated for it. One day, I will sit down and take the time and I’ll share in depth my whole story of all what I’ve been through the good and all the ugly details, but that is yet another time and will involve more than a few weeks staring into a screen and will involve many chapters, and be a book of my life story. I need to do this, not just for me though, or for my wife that passed and those I’ve held that entrusted me with their stories, and pain that I held to release as they took that last breath, that last beat of their heart inside their chests, the very one I could feel pumping in that anxious but scared frail body and that look they couldn’t hide in their eyes when they closed them and went away, it's my time to go is what this man has told me correct, is it like that really are we really only energy and connected to the source of the Universe and it's outer membrane. What is next, is this all there is my being a single unit of this Universe? They too, had died with blood on their hands in so many ways. So have we all been cursed with this stigma or has it been a stigmata? In many ways both! I've actually known people that swore that they would never come to be infected, and yet they were.

Some days I can be so strong but will break down and cry for others and carry their pain and then release it back into the Universe, but other days I just want to cry and release all my personal pain that I've endured from all the discrimination and pure ignorance by people that will not stay educated with the times of this virus and still hold onto the fear base tactics from when it came out. This has left so many that are living as though they are marked and we are for life but I mean marked as the whole society doesn’t see us and treat us with human compassion because of some misinterpreted verses or chapters in this holy book. That they've not completely read and studied all the revisions to see how it all unfolded and even our own human history of our species on this Planet we all share called Earth. I've researched it and in great depth all the way back as far as I could to the earliest known writings. And I've even went further, but that doesn't really matter what I know. It's not what that one holy book they live by states in their language.

The shear challenges of the fear of others and uneducated ignorance of this virus is only a gay disease and straight heterosexual humans don’t get it is really asinine even to this day I hear this and it sickens me in my stomach since I've known so many devoted women that have been infected by their boyfriends or husbands, even nurses that stuck themselves thru the protected gloves when serving patients and taking their blood. Sure, many are accessing the current medications after they discover they are infected and can get it under control and do become undetectable but even then there are so many that just don’t follow the standard protocols since it’s not just taking the medications that allows a person to gain complete control of this deadly virus. It takes a balance of being sober, maintaining a healthy diet, exercise, keeping all your other medical up to date and removing as much stress as possible from your life. Then stable housing and assistance if that person is able to work a normal job if any at all in many cases.

So how do I personally combat this by sharing my life and the wisdom I've acquired on this long journey through all the pain and experiences I’ve endured and for all those that have fallen. I’ve also been involved in many major cities around the United States and seen how those communities are handling it and I’ve helped in giving advice and filing or writing letters, filling out surveys and sending out faxes and emails. 

I’ve been offered many jobs just to do this but to be honest I don’t really have all the energy I used to and am disabled myself and chose to retire and make my sole job to stay alive as long as I can. I don’t always come right out publicly and share this, but it is so. I’m not ashamed of this and I just want to be treated like a normal person is all although I never really can be normal again. So many people don't know how hard it is to stand tall and continually smile and remain strong with all those I've held in my arms over the years and released the energy or spirit of that human when they’ve passed on in helping them see the Universe as an energy of love to guide that energy back out into the Universe when they are done with that body of flesh and their life mission is complete in this single experience. After, so many times doing this it just became second nature to me and the energy just listened to my guidance and went to that light and became its 100% true energy once again as before it had separated to come to this place in its 10% being guided by the thoughts and struggling through the weakness of the frail human body and the temporary visitation to the material physical plane.

Some of these energies come back and visit in that true form of the 100%. Just small beams of light as thin as a pencil and not much longer and they conceptually travel by or through my eye sight and throw a pseudopod towards me so I can see their projection only if just temporarily. I know sometimes even who it might have been by just the thought that goes through my mind as they once were with a material body and the time or place we had last met and even the goodbyes and the overwhelming love we’d shared. I’ve long since passed that torch off to others in those communities now that have the fire and determination that drives them to find themselves by helping others in that community.

In the beginning I was approached and helped out a community to start and AIDS organization and I’d go around and educated others through fear based scare tactics but today those are still being used and they don’t need to be any longer in that same way. The education needs to evolve with the research and those that are the pioneers that are still alive from the beginning although there isn't that many of us left. The survivors that are beyond what they consider long term we've been somewhat forgotten because we stopped going to support meetings and decided to live our own lives. There are some of us still alive. We don’t have the energy since many of us have gone through so much, but the experience we have gathered and the changes we’ve made in our lives to survive is very beneficial to others not just those that are HIV, or have AIDS but even the connected ones around us and that community. I feel that so many of those in the gay community are doing a really great job in so many ways. But, honestly it could be better and that would involve all the consortium joining together at least at a database level and involving the scientific community that deals with the virology of all of them.

Sadly, there is too much bickering and uncommunicative from my viewpoint through the years and it’s still happening to this day many of them are only volunteering. I’m deeply not fully aware of outside of the United States though but I’m sure they are possibly much worse and I do try and follow it the best I can. The virus and the stigma could be completely wiped out of the World population in 100 to 150 years if everyone at a global level was actually tested. 

At any time there is approximately 3 million or more people in the mix that are HIV positive and out there freely infecting others unknowingly this is not concrete and only my own opinion so don't go pulling where is your source for this data. That number very well could be much higher and that doesn’t include the prison systems or local county jails. I once tried to gather those results and was hit with way to many dead ends and told that it was a private sector controlled by the governments, so I gave up on that research back in 2007.

So anyways, the stigma and ignorance of the uneducated public to still think that those that are infected must have been a dirty promiscuous person to have gotten that virus in the first place and or they were gay. Not, all of us had the privilege to be so free and get infected through high risk promiscuous sex or sharing a dirty needle to feed an addiction. So please let it be known that it doesn't matter how someone got infected. In Africa the heterosexual population alone is the main driving force not the gay communities there and several other countries many of these women are raped. I know personally that is due to it being a taboo from others I’ve met that lived there and were infected and came to the United States. They don't even tell their own family for fear they will ban them. Most all of them were African Black Americans or from other countries while I was living in larger cities some of them not even citizens being here either illegal or in the process to trying become a US citizen.

We are not this HIV virus, we are not dirty and they may have been infected to enrich other lives in ways you might never completely understand, we all have a story of our journey. You never know I’ve heard and spoken to so many hundreds upon hundreds of people that all have different stories of how they were infected many times they took risks they shouldn't have be it being inebriated or high from some drug and had met someone at a club or party to freely have bareback sex with and that person had had multiple partners and one of them was not taking their medications and the virus had became detectable again. I've never shared publicly how I got infected in detail but it was an accident through blood from someone else in the beginning years when I was incarcerated in a county jail and that is really all I'd care to share publicly at this time.

I will one day fully share my story to divulge it in full detail as well as everything that lead me to that point in my life and up to that current time I write it. I’ve just had to learn to forgive and move on and to educate myself to be honest especially in the beginning years when people were dropping like flies being sprayed with poison. I was there and I still have horrible nightmares at times that I do my best to keep them from coming in my sleep. I never really had the pleasures of having lots of sex partners or to explore that Promiscuity or getting high to get it through sharing a dirty needle, I hate needles and even when I get my vaccinations or blood tests it bothers me and over this 30 years I still don't like it. Sure, I’ve done drugs throughout my life that were illegal but never too much to have to get help for it being out of control. I did do heroine for 6 years for personal reasons but I smoked it in a tar form and stopped cold turkey after I’d overdosed and died from what I remember.

That scared me enough that cold turkey wasn’t too hard to wake me up and make me go completely clean. I’ve done drugs recreational and I’m not ashamed that I did but most of the time if I did them daily it was just cannabis and that helped me in the beginning years and when I was the sickest to deal with side effects and the large list of opportunistic infections I’ve had so many of them and other infections from having this virus and an impaired immune system. It’s not that that’s wrong in any way that people do go out into those high risk groups they either don’t have any other choice they are trying to survive or have some addiction to feed or are just experiencing life and being experimental and involving risks that involve drugs and alcohol.

Being a straight man to have this virus from the early years has not been a picnic or party in any way but I did my part of being scared pissed off and angry at the whole world and there god for many years. So what has kept me going and to continue fighting you’re probably asking?

Firstly it was the challenge to figure this virus out I like to figure out problems and find solutions to resolve them. I actually ended up becoming friends with it (the very virus that has almost killed me 3 times)and to learn to control it and keep it at bay and undetectable. That took drastic changes I had to make in my life, many times I had to be alone and even preferred it. I've read so many science and medical books to keep the edge and to educate myself and corresponded and communicated with the affected communities. I’ve learned to fight this thing by being brave, having courage, and through the power of love. Thru this whole journey and when I was struggling with my own faith in religion I found out so many things that do match up in this research that Universal Quantum Physics and Spirituality do have very common threads as strings in a way. I found out that the Universe was alive, and also about the membrane. I've written about it but not completely solved it yet to present it all to that Science Community. It's very interesting to me but the more I research and study it it seems no one understands me anymore so I've stopped sharing all the deep details until I can possibly solve it on my own. I don't think this Planet is yet ready for all that I've discovered. I don't think we invent anything if there's life more evolved on other older galaxies then our own they have all ready discovered them and we seem to just follow the evolutionary epochs of a species.

It almost drove me to become insane back in 2007 from seeing it all in such great detail. I really thought about committing myself or just stopping my medications all together I've heard about other men writing about the same feelings so it must be some rite of passage that are brains have to go through by acquiring so much knowledge. They always say when you've achieved so much knowledge if you can't explain it so everyone can understand they will think you are crazy. I know some people actually might think that and I really don't care anymore. I follow many of the best in these groups globally to follow there research and join into to share a few pieces from time to time. Who knows maybe I have become nuts from all these years living with this virus. I don't think so though my thinking is really good I just don't think the same as many and if they haven't been following my research all along they don't clearly understand what I'm talking about.

If I present to some one about “PUT” or “M-Theory”, they don't have the slightest idea what I'm talking about. People tend to just try and be nice unless I'm in a mixed group that is say on Facebook and it's closed and there's over 10,000 people. They don't know me they're not a personal friend they just belong to that group is all so how could they know all the years I've studied all I have in so many fields of research. I've picked out all the most brilliant geniuses and studied their research, read their books etc. Why not, I have the time, many days I will study and research for 20 hours a day. I use the social networks to keep in touch with Family and friends and I'm on quite a few of them after so many years. Anyways, I got off the topic a bit trying to make a point and want to get back to this virus and it's anniversary and how I find strength to keep going at the rate that I do.

I have found strength through my Son that is living his life as an adult and hopefully will get married and provide me with the gift to become a grandfather, thru close Family and a woman that at that time had fallen in love with me. My Son is now grown, and I divorced that her many years ago for the love had weakened and we'd grown apart and had to go separate ways to face the continual journey that was our set path since she didn't keep adapting to my changes and vice versa so I filed for divorce. I still thank her silently for holding the glasses of water that allowed me to swallow the medications that were being developed at that time and counting out the medications and encouraging me to swallow them so they would work to bring my weak body back with these new medications. I was actually prepared to die back then in 1994 and in many ways wanted to die back then but those feelings changed and soon went away. I couldn’t fight this inner gut feeling that I was not yet done here I needed to keep fighting for others, as well as myself. She came into my life just at the right time almost as a bright angel when I was the sickest of the many times I’ve been ill. The funny thing, her name was Angel. And I had been praying for help so I thought she was it. Maybe she really actually was, not an angel but a good hearten person. But, over time people change and she went her way as the love we both shared dimmed and faded away and I went my own way as well. I’ll always love her for what she did but I’m not any longer in love with her.

That deep inner feeling I couldn't figure out back then was that I chose this mission from my true home.

I knew it would be a huge challenge when I took it as a 100% energy – but I didn't clearly know everything it involved except that it would be some globally virus that would impact millions of lives, that some would have it and others would fear it and there would be a great stigma towards it and against those that were infected with it – but I also knew I would learn to eventually control it and inspire so many lives by the way I lived it out to always love everyone even if I didn't agree with them all the time. I always had the choice to dislike them and let them go, you can't force someone to change and let go of their ignorance they must do it on their own through educating themselves and opening their minds to the many probable possibilities, and you can only offer an open hand and open heart. It’s up to that person to except the shared knowledge and use it by learning more about it and releasing the fears from it as so many misunderstood fears that affect so many.

They may have too much pain of their own and will have to find peace through walking into the darkness of their own lives and facing it head on. So with these gut feelings I couldn’t get rid of I chose to use kindness and to teach others what I’d felt my whole life that the Living Universe was this wonderful vibrant energy that we are all connected to and part of as individuals that we needed to stop dividing ourselves by masses of land and cultures and religions. This Planet in ways today is so connected and smaller then we realize so anything through the technologies and Internet is possible in this era of time. I see it this way many days and so wish others would too.

I rarely ever speak of my painful journey of living with AIDS because I am not this virus and I have no shame telling others about it and my having it. Almost everyone seems to have known and lost somebody that had it and died but they don't know all about it but remember seeing a television show or video only and go with that as the whole truth.

I will always strive to remain strong, but even so it was crazy to have chosen such a tough life to endure so much pain for one man and all I’ve experienced what was I seriously thinking. I've lost so many wonderful people that I loved and held in my arms, I lost my 1st Wife to this virus, I've lost everything I've owned – more than once fighting Court battles over this virus and the discrimination and stigma related to it. And yet I still do my best to always keep a smile and love those that judge me and are ignorant even if they won't listen to the information and let go of the distorted past fears. I'm not always attacked by the religious either I get attacked by the militant atheists too. Many of them are quite knowledgeable in religion and science and can be aggressive boogers. They simply don't know me, and even if I told them they may be too ignorant and bitter to see it the way I do through my eyes. I laugh to myself when I run into the staunch religious folks that have only studied their single revised bibles and not all the World religions and don't understand a lick about science or Quantum Physics. They all seem to cast me to their hell and they all do mean well and want to help you from what they been told to save your soul. If they only really understood all I've researched and how advanced and deep I've gone into all of it into this huge data archive that is like a deep rabbit hole. They’d rather follow the fear tactics that have destroyed too many lives and broken up Families and taken the hope to fight away from those that have fallen and passed on broken and alone.

It's not their mission it's mine they have a different path and their own pain to carry as they wear their cross necklaces and hold on to the past mythical fairy tales of disobedient tribes of herders that needed a shepherd and waited for a savior and messiah. In the end they will since we all do sort of still go to the same place as those that have been so affected and discriminated by this virus and the stigma. That may not be at the same location but a lower level or energy plane as I call them maybe even a higher one it's not up to me to know it’s not my will and I can’t see it would even be the will of some wrathful god or even this Universe I think we control our whole circle or wheel of lives. I believe in reincarnation if you can't tell by now. We all are vibrating at a different frequency from our own pain and life experiences. I've referred to this several times as the Universal Pain System. That we all have to be part of to go thru all this here and that world, and I feel the Universe takes it's part to much more then we could ever imagine with our small human minds.

All of them not just the current one no one can learn it all in a small time frame that the human life is here on this small Planet of a kindergarten. We're all still arguing over invisible gods and who is the right one while we have guns pointed at each other. Some are denser some or higher but we all are still without a body just energy that is vibrating on some plane being part of the Universe learning to become stronger through endless lives of these experiences. It simply wouldn’t make sense to make a prayer and give your soul to something in return for an immortal body and just sit around and listen to these angelic energies playing harps and laughing at the condemned that didn't catch the boat. The true body of anyone of us is a light and energy that conceptually thinks on its own. That is what free will is and that to me complicates the whole grand puzzle of it all and puts the whole twist of secondary will we all see in this world and this god being the Universe stays out of it, but people still beg and plead to it by praying as if it will change it's mind if enough people squeal hard enough to rewind their movie and edit it, but in another breath it's been willed. Maybe we're supposed to figure this out ourselves with these evolved brains thru knowledge, not unsure in this vernacular living trust, and object to this will, and act.

It's clearly saddening that it’s hard for so many humans that have their heads stuck in the sand to open their eyes and see the World and Universe as I do and look past this stigma and to not discriminate me and treat me differently than just another human struggling to graduate out of this kindergarten Planet we all share to learn and to evolve with all of us. I can't seem to write with out sharing briefly some of this. I do it solely for those that don't actually follow all of my research to give them an idea if you ever wondered why. I like to share not just about this virus and service to others. I guess it is from my background of witnessing except now I see it as guiding or sharing knowledge. Many don't care for this they have their truth and won't accept another persons research for various reasons maybe so they aren't offended, you got me. I listen to their wisdom and knowledge if it's something new to me.

And I'm alright with that!

So if you ever wonder why I'm not for or follow a said religion and even denounced them all from my life to share it's for weak people and that your prayers will mostly go unanswered and your weak faith is no good to me in my life that I was given a brain to utilize and seek knowledge to make a difference not just in my life but others that I meet in passing conversations or something I’ve created. I like to think in reason, logic and cause and effect of this secondary source being us in actions. We all effect each others life and many people don't even realize this. I could fill my hands with spit and make more happen then your prayers. My spit carries minute amounts of HIV but not enough to infect anyone and I could use is to wash the sand out of someone’s eyes I'm being ridiculous so don't get offended. But, spitting in the eyes of an ignorant person is not enough to open there eyes and wake them up. So I use knowledge and wisdom instead and a bit of impersonal love in hopes that one day they will remember something I've shared and the sand will fall out of their eyes to allow them to see the world and Universe in a different way, maybe even like I do with a single tear drop falling down your cheek as it glistens in the Sun that lights our World.

So I continue to stand for what I can see and perceive to point out to you that this, the Living Energy that calms me and the love the Living Universe gives me to share so others can have a smile and love to pass on to others by reading or hearing something I've shared that has inspired them that day.

 ----(11)----

That your actual part of the Universe and it's alive and truly does love you even though you may not suffer like me with this virus.

Everyone is in some type of pain and we're all to share in this here, in this world and the one I've discovered we're from. You are here to teach along with all of us for a reason to become strong by your mistakes to learn. The strong are needed to help the weak through service, gratitude, love and kindness. If you cling to your religion that you were brought up with what about that other person on the other side of the globe and it makes you feel good then good, but we all should do some research and read why others think their book is correct too, and go back in time to see why they needed it then by all the revisions It may have too. I find it amusing that we all seem to go with that religion that we've in indoctrinated into by our families and it's the correct one and all the others are wrong. Maybe they all have a commonality and basis in there core we seem to have so many of them. Not everyone likes peas!

So understand that I didn't become public about my having AIDS for myself. It was for everyone else. And yet I don't allow this virus to stop me from the bigger picture to show a little virus can't stop me from introducing you to how I see the Universe through my eyes closed or open. That light is too bright to not know it's alive and it's part of me and part of you too. I know my research is hard to understand but so is the Universe in all of it's complexity. But, in all reality we'll never know it all or understand everything if we don't study it and by studying each other. But, the courage and pain I endure is my way to show you that the Universe is very alive and a vibrational energy that thinks and it's light lives inside of all of us and every living thing. It doesn't have any favorites, in the light of it we are all needed and a part of it individually. And we all come from a large singularity, and energy that manifested out and into the vast darkness. It's still expanding today and will for billions of more years. It's working with the darkness since they know they need each other and all though they may not agree they just except it and the Cycles of Infinity.

You may not remember that time so long ago when we were without an identity and made of this thing called a singularity. But, every single one of us was there and part of it. We were this huge ball of energy that was the purest love that could ever be. We're not all that way now, what fun would that be anyways. We are not sinners as these old books from these men shared through speech from channels around those ancient tribes they invented this god, and that god to worship and give sacrifice. The species before us worshiped animals, so we're moving ahead at least. They really didn't know they were part of this energy and came here at that time to learn, they meant well for that being so uncivilized in that time period but it's holding us back now still sharing those old tales of a garden as whole truths that is separating us rather then bringing us together. No one is coming to save you or myself. We have to do it ourselves and the only way this will be possible is to remember we are all connected to the Universe learning lessons to find each other and serve one another and find that same love we had without our identities as these characters we play in these bodies of this species or any of them carbon based or others by the algorithms of the elements that make up that Planet and it's distance from it Sun Star zone. 

That includes you that is reading this!

I really feel these viruses and diseases have something to do with all of this so we learn to overcome them by discovering how to control them and even cure them eventually. This is what drove me to go so deep into that type of research looking for answers to this huge complex puzzle. I'm sure most any planet with life goes through all these same pains, struggles and all we do too. Makes you wonder anyways, it does me at least. With 400 Billion Galaxies this is amazing and that's why I so love to share it with people. I like to make people think. Many don't want to because they are sleeping is all. Then boom this light goes off and they are researching to find answers. I get told this all the time so I share as much as I can with the limited time we have with each other. I don't know if I'd die tomorrow and neither do you yourself. What if I didn't tell what I've figured out. And I don't know everything, but I do know a lot more then most people because I see it in their eyes when I speak to them. Either I'm a very good story teller or I'm really on to something. And I never would have even got this far with out becoming infected with this virus. Would I change this. No not at all, I like the man it made me become.

If I've ever made you smile, or inspired you with a comment, or by one of my advanced articles of research, or stood up and shown you that I can debate and keep a friendship by agreeing to disagree. Maybe by some art or a quote I've created. Then I've done something good and planted my seed and inspired you so next time you look up into the sky you will see it in a different way and for a second through my eyes and a twinkle of light from the Universe I've shown you that you came here and we're energy connected to the Universe to experience all this crap we all go thru in our lives.

Never ever, judge someone and think you know there story or their pain. Some of us are so strong that we will smile even when you spit into our faces. We all are fighting some battle!

So this is why I'm public about living with AIDS and fighting the Stigma of ignorance towards it and it seems to evolve over time of my surviving this 30 years to defy ignorance in many topics I've studied in so deeply! I'm no genius by any means, but I have become quite knowledgeable and do my best to keep it simple for anyone that reads my media. I just love people, we're all just trying to figure it all out and live our life's the best we can and it's not easy with so much always going on in the World. I never set out to make this article this long, but 30 years is a long time to study and fight this virus I've done a pretty decent job and this is my 30 year cake and I'm sharing it with you. I find it hard to believe myself that I've made it this long. If you read this all I welcome you because I seem to love to write and share all I've discovered. I don't even share it all publically I keep journals of stuff to get it out of my head.

In closing I would like to share one of the hundreds of letters I've gotten over the years with questions from a dear caring mother about her son that has HIV. I got this back in 2008 or around then I usually copy them on to my server so many times the time stamps get erased and you can see how I answer and do my best to give people hope.

--My reply back;

Hello____________ My regards and blessings to your son, HIV has no preference in who's life it becomes part of or affects or life it takes away. Thanks for asking for my advice, I have many that ask questions and for advice from my being open about having AIDS.

Yes, I do. I have been taking medication since 1986, I found out I was positive in 1984 and in 1986 I started taking medications since my CD4 count had dropped below 200 and the only medication that was available was AZT and I was rapidly getting sicker, and it was horrible from the side-affects and quite possibly a huge percentage of the large mass deaths in the beginning, from what I saw was due to the AZT killing the whole compromised immune system since it was not created for HIV/AIDS treatment in the first place, nor tested for long term or even short term usage and then no one knowing how to deal with HIV/AIDS and being open and hiding behind closed doors with share and horror from the stigma and even ashamed of being infected or even not being diagnosed correctly by the doctors until they were so sick and frail.

If so at what point did you start them? 1986, two years after I was diagnosed as I shared above.

I was so lucky to make it through that period and actually had stopped taking the AZT due to severe side-affects and becoming allergic to it and almost didn't make it till the newer drugs started coming out in 1994 and began my first Highly active antiretroviral therapy (HAART). I was so focused and didn't stop fighting, I just attacked the virus through changing my life to fight it and rebuild my immune system holistically, spiritually and educating myself to be able to work with and help my doctors since just listening to them for the most part was not an only option or getting a second or third opinion, if I didn't have a good feeling or doubt in them and what they had to offer, I tried another approach.

I was told after I found out I was only going to live for 6 to 9 months and I laugh at that diagnosis even to this day, but it would have been accurate if I had not listened to my body and started living better and more healthy. I wasn't that sick at first for the first two years, I had never been sick my whole life until I had found out and had a hard time dealing with it at first and kept partying as I had been. I had some drug problems and personal problems I had gotten mixed up into with moving from the farm into the city in Jr High and got mixed in with some of the wrong crowds and with peer pressures to be in the in crowd

Have you always taken care of yourself? Yes, But not at first, I was in shock, denial and scared to death at first. I was only 18 and being straight and the virus seemingly affecting mainly the high risk groups at that time being the gay population, intravenous drug users and prostitutes which is not the case today at all, it can find it's way into any group family or culture.

I eventually relearned to take good care of myself and continue too still to this day and even more the older I get. After I stopped denying to having the virus and making it a life goal to fight it head on more seriously, it also helped me by making goals in life such as living for my Son, my family, close friends and the Universe to educate the ignorance I saw towards others and myself. I eventually stopped smoking and that was harder to do then giving up heroine and cocaine and I have struggled with that for many years off and on and am currently smoke free from cigarettes and all tobacco now, I cut way back on alcohol use after realizing that was not really helping the denial or being in shock go away but making things worse.

I don't drink much now except socially as in not to get drunk and just one or two for special occasions (alcohol thins the blood, which lowers the affect in the medications helping to stay in the body longer and work as they are designed to), I did actually quit drinking for many years until the last few now my immune system is much stronger and I only drink like I shared socially and on holidays such in a few times a year and only having one or two when I do, I drastically changed my diet (very important, you are what you eat and eating healthy and correctly does help the immune system and longevity, it's a proven fact! ) and my lifestyle to help my immune system remain strong as stress free as possible. 

I also surround myself with friends that know I have the virus and care about me and don't live a crazy unhealthy lifestyle so I am not tempted to over indulge or partake in dangerous decisions to my health, and won't bring their colds or flu bugs around me so I can become sick from being around them at that time. I also make sure to have the required time to accomplish the goals I set out for myself. I also stopped all hard-core drugs, such as heroin, cocaine, acid, and that sort and not hanging around those that do them, honestly though, I never completely stopped smoking pot though, I just cut way back on it and use it more medicinally, it has always been a great help for the times I was not hungry, being nauseous from the medications or being sick, and to help me sleep, it also helps with my pain and back inflammation.

That was for many years, I still smoke pot sometimes just before sleeping and that's pretty much the only time now so I have more energy and don't get tired or as fatigued and I work out regularly doing isometrics, calisthenics and yoga so I don't have severe problems sleeping or eating now anyways. I also practice meditation to connect to the Universe and shed myself of negative energies I take from others thru my day. My first wife chose not to stop doing hard drugs and making the lifestyle changes I have and she has been gone since 1997 and was infected in 1988.

If and when your Son needs to start taking medications if he isn't already. That depends on his CD4 counts, viral load being low or undetectable of the amount of the virus in his blood stream and the Doctors he is seeing per scheduled visits and his best judgment, preferably a virologist.

The new medications are so much better and have far less side-affects today and you don't have to take as many and a few are just once a day, and there are quite a few of them to find the right one that works for that person. The ones I am currently taking I have been taking for 9 years all together and I am able to live with the side-affects I have even though I don't like them, the medications affect everyone differently as well as the virus, but I firmly believe that living a balanced and healthy lifestyle is a huge reason I have lived so long and am quite healthy now, not giving all the credit to the medications solely.

I have raised my CD4 counts by over 1293 by additionally adding a very strict diet, regular exercise and stress free life style. I have almost died twice from AIDS, and have survived types of cancer 5 times along with many other immune deficiency complications and 18 opportunist infections from such an impaired immune system, my white bloods cells at the worst were (7), now they are over(1100-1300), my viral load has been undetectable for 9 years on these current medications I take so I know for sure eating good is a key factor to our immune system and health and giving us energy, as well as getting 8 hours of sleep a day.

That's a familiar story that I have heard from many others that they were infected by someone that knew they were and didn't bother to tell them males, females, gay and heterosexual, plus several nurses that stuck themselves by accident taking care of patients. I can also understand why you may be disappointed in both of them for not being more careful, but it seems many just gamble and take the chance and if drugs, alcohol and unsafe sex are happening eventually the odds will get the best of us in some way or another. That's one of the biggest reasons I chose to be public and share with everyone that I have AIDS and how long I have had it. I am not gay so it's been easier for me to be open and public but I know many others that are gay and open about being HIV too.

I find it to be enlightening to share and inspire others from all my hard work and keeping a good attitude and it's less stressful for me to not hide it and not live a dual life trying to keep tabs on whom I've told and not told. I haven't had any real problem I couldn't overcome being open, or making friends in my life and it helps others find me that I can assist and share with even with my work, the few I do it's a wonderful feeling to educate them so they stop the ignorance. I understand, I have a 25 year old son and I'm really glad he doesn't smoke, eats healthy and has learned from my experiences and advanced education in sharing to be absolutely careful because it only takes one time to become infected with any STD or HIV, it doesn't care who you are and there's no returns available.

Thanks, it's not easy with my age and all I have went through, that's why I am open and share my status with everyone as well as do my best to give everyone respect.

Is your son on any medications yet? If not he may want to consider stopping smoking and cutting back from drinking a lot so he doesn't get sick cause if he is partying a lot he will get sick eventually and the medications won't work all that well and he will build up resistance to the medications eventually, which is what I did at first and have known many, many others do as well. I'm sure the doctors have shared this as well and they are correct even though we don't like to hear it and others seem to find us more unsociable if we are not out partying with them in the bars, etc.

If he just slows down and makes some changes he can even hold back from taking the medications for sometime if he can keep his viral load low and his CD4 counts high and the virus not under stress and continually fighting a weakened immune system.

He also needs to have safe sex now, he can become reinfected with other STDS and even different strains of the virus as well. Many HIV positives tend to think just as long as they both have it they will be safe not thinking that the other may have multiple partners and this makes the risks worse then they really think they can be and many times they pick up other things too. For many years, I only dated women that were HIV or had AIDS, now I will date any woman I am attracted to even if she isn't HIV positive and it has worked out pretty well. It sucks having HIV and meeting others that don't understand and carry around ignorance being uneducated and fueling the stigma that is around this disease.

Thanks for your time and your Sons in reading my reply, and asking me my beliefs and knowledge and experience in advice and tell your Son to never give up the fight, it's never easy but living a long and healthy life with this virus is so worth it just to help others, as I have chosen with my sharing with you and so many others in my being open and public and through much of my writing, work and sharing. Life is what we make it and put in to it as a service to others. So many struggle with being gay and hide that from their families so I feel that you and your Son must have a good relationship with him sharing being gay and having HIV. I hope with the bit I have shared that it will help you and your son in understanding a little bit more about this virus from someone that has been infected since almost the beginning days and the knowledge I have gained in sharing my beliefs and story. I hope that it will help both of you on facing this virus head on and beating it as I have for so long.

Peace, and have a wonderful weekend, your friend Aero

PS: If you have any other questions feel free in asking, if I don't know I have a strong network to find out from Virologists and other advanced long term survivors. With my being busy most of the time it sometimes takes me a few days to respond back and I get so many emails from people around the world but I always do my best to keep up with them and reply back as quickly as possible. It's my pact with the Universe to keep me here working to help others thru my way of service and kindness.