We send frighteningly mixed messages to Children about the autonomy of their own bodies. Touch. Don’t touch. Kiss this person. Don’t kiss that person. I’m going to touch you but you cannot touch your classmates. It’s amazing that they ever sort it out. I propose that some children never do. They don’t stand firm behind their body boundary rights because those confusing messages have been part of their foundational lessons in early childhood. Those misinterpretations are then combined with a variety of self-doubt, self-conscious and insecure thoughts. It can easily lead to overstepping boundaries, getting into uncomfortable situations and a lack of respect for consent.
Perhaps if we were more consistent in teaching about these important boundaries from the start, children would be stronger in their respect for their own bodies and that of their peers. As with most early childhood lessons – To teach it, we must live it.
We can teach consent in early childhood through thoughtful and intentional interactions. Consider this:
- Unless there is a real emergency, do not touch Young Children without allowing them a chance to give permission. When I am working with a student who is writing and I want to take his hand to help, I always ask, “Can I hold your hand and show you?” If the student says no, so be it. I respect his right to say no and I will try again another day.
- Even in an emergency, I at least warn them that I have to touch them. A child who is running from me while outside will hear me say, “I’m picking you up” or “I’m taking your hand” just before or even as I grab hold. Afterward, offer an explanation so the child learns to differentiate an emergency from non-emergent situations, “I had to touch you because you could have gotten hurt. It was an emergency.”
- Forced hugging or kissing, even if they are family, is not okay. Hugging and kissing – getting in our most personal spaces – is not something that should be forced. IF we want all young people, early learners and beyond, to respect personal space and then we cannot allow invasions of theirs. In the current generation in most schools, it is against regulations for teachers to touch students and there is good reason for that. Yes, there were incidents that propelled the passing of regulations. There is always a reason for a new rule. It is not personally about any of us so we shouldn’t take it as such. There are a plethora of other ways to show our regard for our students. We don’t need to make them feel uncomfortable or obligated to get too physically close to us.
- In early childhood classrooms with very young children, sometimes hugs are needed but we should ask permission. A child gets hurt or is missing a loved one and a hug would help. If you are in a setting that allows preschool teachers to hug students ask, “Would you like a hug?” with arms extended gives the child a chance to say yes or no. Even infants can say yes or no by leaning toward or away from your open arms. Assume nothing. Just because I may like a hug when I’m upset doesn’t mean every child feels the same.
I recently read a headline about colleges having to educate students about healthy relationships, how to define consent and what to do if they are in a sexually abusive relationship. Have we sent the wrong messages to them as they were growing up? I think it is hard to say but I know this – the more we teach young children about respect for each individual and each person’s body, the less we will have cause to look back and wonder.
You may also want to read:
Preschoolers & Strangers in the Family: Do You Force Affection?
“Teach the Whole Preschooler: Strategies for Nurturing Developing Minds,” my book, is available NOW from WW Norton (publisher) and is on pre-sale on Amazon, Barnes & Noble. In store/pre-sale orders will be shipped at the end of October 2017.
Be the first to get updates about the book’s release progress, presentations, webinars, etc. and stay connected – click HERE to join my mailing list. I promise not to crowd your inbox J
________________________________________________________________________
You can learn so much more from me online! “Helping Preschools Achieve with Cindy Terebush” – An Online Learning and Support Community for Early Childhood Professionals. Now with individual sessions for only $ 15 and staff bundles for groups of people. Go to Helping Preschools Achieve for more details.
And in person….Go to my full website for information about webinars, presentations and individual consulting for parents and educators -Helping Kids Achieve.
Copyright 2017 © Cindy Terebush
All Rights Reserved
This post first appeared on Helping Kids And Families Achieve With Cynthia Ter, please read the originial post: here
