I've recently had two tinder dates in Bangkok and neither of them have made much sense. 

The first was with a social rights professor from Australia. A woman of 37. Somehow she must have thought I was funny or important, because she was interested on Tinder. We agreed on a date. So it came in like a rod of hot iron. Fully loaded. But I saw why when I met her. She was built like a water tank. 

 But when it came down to it and we met in a Mall; nothing. No chemistry whatever. Apart from... Oh wait. That was just the coffee kicking in.  She was empathetic but misled. You know the type. Woke warrior of stupid lefty cronysim. Completely power-driven but using empathy as a lever and justification for holding autocratic beliefs. It was all Social justice or nothing. She said everything based on victimhood and and narcissism and nothing could change that. Victims and Narcissists. Imagine that. The whole world full of the persecutors and persecuted and nothing in between. She also spoke of martyrs and Beasts. She said there are no such things as martyrs and many such paradoxical things. And she also said I was being a martyr to cap it off. 

The second was with a lady of 38 who worked in a machine factory. 

It came about when I said I lived in Thong Lor. Or was in Thong Lor. Somehow that won me a lot more respect. I got 3 matches in record time. It's a posh area. I got asked to take one of these women to insanely priced cocktail bars. Had I transmorphed into Lex Luger? Oh wait, that's the WWF star. I don't watch superman but I felt like Lex.... Luther. Right Lex Luther the magnate of evil death empire fame. 

The second date: She has an allergy to alcohol so She looked good for her age. I put the two together. Nice to look at. Nice all round. Especially her body. But again no chemistry. She looked slutty too. Who hadn't she done that day, that week in fact? I asked myself. I'm not shaming anyone here, but she didn't seem interested in me and the sloppy seconds were playing on my mind, and like I say she just seemed to be into one side done rare, just the beef side of things. She smiled at me a couple of times like we had to go somewhere and do something. But I didn't go through with it. . . We just agreed on a bunch of stuff about life and breakups and the works. It wasn't a fun or interesting exercise. She was Chinese and very staid. But successful in her job. Super successful and garnering my respect. She gave me a lift back to the station later in her car after we drank our wartermelon smoothies and walked around talking about fortune tellers and their tricks. I felt bad that she as the woman had to do that - entertain me I mean. I had nothing much to say. Maybe it's cos I'd refused the sex that I felt like I was impotent too? And it was to a grim mall that she dropped me off at all the way out in at some bad looking mall ghost town where malls go to die. Clothes hanging like ghosts in their white mall starkness but no customers or sales-people to tend to them. Lights half off in pasteboard ceilings. Kind of emblematic of my night. Fucking luke warm! Unable to feel. Comatose. Shit.

We do the same things over and over expecting different results. Kitty was this other girl I almost had a date with when I said I was in Thong Lor. A real hipster and drunkard. But it's completely messed up now. We aren't gonna meet. She asked on watsapp: Are you still here tonight (meaning Thong Lor) I said do you need a place to stay? That ruined things. Desperation wrecks things. Then I said it was my sense of humor, was only a joke. That ruined things some more. Trust levels down to 0.5 percent.  Another possible tinder date gone to the soi hyenas. The thing is I had to throw it under the bus because I've got no money to spend on her. It hurts to watch my accounts go down. But that's just the way it is. I went to a gym that cost 860 baht just to watch all the rich people and how they do things. It gave me a kind of boost. And now I'm sitting here hollow and alone. It hurts. It really does. 

But the best thing I've learned to do is to go to gym. That's the happiest I've been while here. And when a thing like that pops up, a failure like that or volley of them. Forget it happened turn your back on it. Like Lot's wife. OR be turned to ashes. It's our common failures that we have to ignore. . .While still learning from them. I don't understand that either.  We built this mess, but now on looking back we just get drawn in. But we can't change it without looking at it. What the funk. 

And that's another thing I want to address.  When people don't know you, the slightest things stick. A bad tooth, a piece of butter on your shirt looks like a total pissup in the gravy train. Anything can be bad for your image. Rapport builds slowly, and even the slightest kink in the armor kills it. Kink on the other hand may do it justice, but that's another matter. 

So.. Note to self: This is the meaning of it all. This is how you want to be: Don't get too gross! The ladies don't like it. Now I'm a gross man. But I admit it. But at the same time I'm not banging these women like a man eating a string of sausages. But what I mean is in this note is at the outset, before the date, don't be gross or say gross things. At least I know I've been having a pissup on the gravy train this week. Hell I'm the worst in it. I'm the most terrible of the bunch. The ape of death. 

This is the science behind it: Build up, get good, go out and conquer. What do the tech overlords say: Execute Execute execute! Also, nothing happens in Surat Thani where I live in Thailand. Absolutely nothing. So grow your body according to the cloth that women desire. Be a ghost for them to wear on fancy dates. That's an order! Get it straight! Focus it. Make it real! Get a career while you're at it Booyahh! *Cracks open a Singha Hell heayeahh