How to fight and overcome loneliness?

By – Malati Shankar

Updated -30/4/2023.

“The antidote to loneliness isn’t just being around random people indiscriminately, The antidote to loneliness is emotional security”.- Benedict Wells.

Actually, ever-increasing loneliness stats have led many experts to describe the problem as an epidemic. In the modern world with the joint family system dying, it becomes hard to find the company of your family at home, the feeling of safety with your near and dear ones, and playing with young kids are becoming rare.

Many people attribute this to the pandemic but this crisis started long before the lockdown and social distancing. The young generation wanting to start their life independently and go abroad to further their careers and better job prospects may be one of the reasons people around him/her feel lonely.

In 2018, Cigna conducted a survey and found that 54% of American adults were suffering from Loneliness. It shot up to a whopping 61% in 2019. It definitely takes a toll on our health because most of the time people are unable to stay connected even though modern technology has made it easy. In India, one in 20 Indians suffer from depression because of loneliness.

Loneliness doesn’t affect old people alone. Even young adults and teenagers also feel this epidemic called loneliness. The modern rat race of earning money has decided that compassion and kindness are inefficient and awkward ways to behave instead of honoring placid insensitivity as a virtue.

This is sad but true. You have to go out and find people who support you and make you feel wanted. Because then you will find a warm and understanding company to talk to. You will feel a kind of emotional security and slowly but surely progress replacing your loneliness with connected perspective, acceptance, and understanding.

We all find loneliness from time to time. Feelings of loneliness are personal. You can feel lonely even in a crowd. This happens when you find that you are not understood or cared for by people around you.

“Loneliness and the feelings of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty”.- Mother Teresa.

There is a difference between being lonely and being alone. Being alone doesn’t mean you are into anxiety or fighting depression. Loneliness takes you to the mindset of fear, worries, and being unwanted.

Many people are of the opinion that when you grow old, desolation creeps in. But it’s not at all true. Loneliness can set in at any age. Modern technology has brought much competition in every field. When you can’t cope with these challenges, you start isolating yourself and go into a shell.

Forlornness is a kind of sadness. You question yourself about your worth and take the blame on yourself. There is nothing wrong with being or feeling lonely. Loneliness need not affect you in a bad way. It’s in your hand. You should be positive and accept loneliness and create a beautiful life for yourself.

Accepting is the first step to finding a solution to fight and overcome loneliness. Like happiness, loneliness has different reasons for each person.

Poppy Jamie, the founder of ‘Happy Perfect” says, “Loneliness can cause us to question everything and make us feel separated even when we might be surrounded by many people”.

Is loneliness linked to a mental problem?

As such, loneliness is not linked to mental problems but the two are strongly interconnected. If you are suffering from any mental problem, chances are you may feel lonely.

You may be scared to share your mental problems with anybody or because of that, you may avoid mingling in social gatherings. This leads to loneliness. Feeling lonely can have an adverse and negative effect on your mental state if it prolongs for a certain period of time.

Some research suggests that loneliness is associated with an increased risk of certain mental health problems such as depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, sleep deficiency, and increased stress level.

What are the causes of loneliness?

There are many reasons for feeling lonely.

Your own negative self-talk could be the reason you feel that you are worthless so try to avoid being with people. The death of near and dear ones takes its toll on your mental health and so you feel lonely. Many times it can be due to psychological disorders such as depression and anxiety.

On the other hand, research also suggests that loneliness can be a factor that takes you to depression. When you lack self-esteem, and self-confidence you drift away from people because you kind of feel an inferiority complex.

In July 2021, Dr. Holt-Lunstad co-authored research that suggested that people who lived alone by choice during the first five and a half months of the COVID-19 Pandemic were 66%more likely to report severe loneliness.

Other than this, a change in living situation, poor physical and mental health, having financial problems, can be the reasons for feeling lonely.

What is the difference between loneliness and being alone?

Loneliness is an emotion that the person feels and finds him/herself isolated. Of course, this thinking may be the image of that person.

Dr. Carla Mariemanly, a clinical psychologist and author of “Joy from fear” says, “The feeling of loneliness usually signals that something doesn’t feel right (means disconnected from others) but wanting to be alone is a person’s choice that comes from a more fulfilling positive state of mind”.

Loneliness is feelings of isolation whereas, solitude is people enjoy their alone time. For some, the emotion of loneliness is agonizing, painful, stressful, and sometimes even suicidal. But nothing is lost. As the saying goes “Every cloud has a silver lining” There is hope to beat this loneliness.

How do fight and overcome loneliness? (Practical and easy tips).

1. Accept that loneliness is a feeling, not a fact.

‘‘ I am stronger than depression and I am braver than loneliness and nothing will ever exhaust me”.- Elizabeth Gilbert.

Our brain is designed in such a way that it pays more attention to pain, suffering, and danger. That is one of the reasons why you tend to focus more on pain and loneliness. The feeling of loneliness is a state of mind.

Actually, when you have self-depicted negative emotions like, ‘Noone likes me”, and “No one wants to be with me”, are thoughts of a confused mind. Once you understand that you will find a way to come out of it and live life with zeal and positivity, loneliness may become productive.

2. Know that you are not alone in this feeling.

One of the biggest hurdles in coping with loneliness is the thought “Why me”.Your wrong belief is that you are the only one experiencing this feeling. This, in turn, takes you away from people and instead of finding a way out, it aggravates the situation.

Try to make more friends, and reconnect with your own people. You will be surprised and happy to see how people are ready to welcome you with open arms.

Yes, you may not get support every time you seek people but it’s okay. If 100 people do not support you, the strong support of 10 people is enough to make it through.

3. Renew your relationship with yourself.

Facing and feeling the emotion of loneliness will allow you to understand yourself more deeply and you will be at peace with yourself.

“Being by ourselves helps us to cultivate more of an intentional relationship with ourselves- this is what self-acceptance, self-care, and self-love are all about and why are they so important”.- Martinez.

In her book, Byron Katie, a public speaker and author writes that all suffering is caused by believing our thoughts are true. This commitment to our thoughts being true puts us into painful positions that cause suffering.

Keeping yourself busy in productive work can reduce your loneliness.

4. Increase the quality of your alone time.

You can spend your time with some productive activities to beat loneliness. It can be a rewarding and enriching experience. Take up a hobby. Hobbies are huge stress busters. Take care of your body. Just go out for a walk, run, or jog, or you can do some exercise to keep you supple and fit.

Make your ambiance or place beautiful and fulfilling with some scented candles, or aroma oils to soothe your nervous body and agitated mind. Listening to a piece of soothing music, or watching a comedy show can relieve your pain and loneliness.

5. Start activities that you can do yourself.

Believe in yourself and in the uniqueness of yourself. Instead of seeking people’s company to stay away from loneliness, try to do things you really enjoy doing by yourself.

Solve puzzles, stitch clothes, knit, play games on your mobile, draw, sketch, read books watch your favorite shows or movies, listen to soothing music-anything that gives you joy, and happiness, and relaxes you to keep your mind calm.

Keep your mind occupied to keep away any negative thoughts.

“Cherish your solitude. Take trains by yourself to places you have never been”.-Eve Ensler.

6. Know that loneliness helps you to reflect and be mindful.

Reflecting on your being alone makes a meaningful change in your attitude. Do not dwell on the pain and suffering of being alone. Try to find new ways to make it productive by finishing your uncompleted task or beginning new work.

It’s proved that the active practice of mindfulness can improve the social-relationship process. Developing openness and acceptance toward being in the present experiences is critical for reducing loneliness.

Mindfulness helps in regulating the distress connected with loneliness or it may be reduced by active social engagements. You can try meditation to feel energetic and calm.

7. Spend time with your family and true friends.

Spending time with your family and true friends is a great morale booster. Rebuild broken relationships if possible. For this, you don’t need to be anyone’s pleaser or get insulted by anyone. This will only aggravate the situation.

If you get family and friend’s support nourish and nurture it. You can think of the happy and joyful moments you spent with your family and friends that can give you a deeper sense of being.

Today’s modern generation wants to be independent without the support of family. This is one of the reasons for the feeling of loneliness.

Related Post- The Secret of positive family bonding.

8. Learn new skills.

Learning any new skill enhances your talent. Cultivating new hobbies and rekindling your forgotten passion can help you in fighting loneliness. Turn your loneliness into something beautiful, creative, and new which in turn will take you on a happy and joyful journey of life with positivity.

Any education has a key role to play in preventing and responding to loneliness. It can help forge connections across social groups, strengthens social skills, and provides access to activities that are meaningful over time.

9 Set a routine for physical activities.

Exercise or any kind of physical activity not only improves your physical health but also your mental health. Exercise or any physical activity like, walking, running, and jogging can kill loneliness because it’s a productive activity you can do on your own or you don’t need company.

Yes, joining GYM is also a good idea. You will be distracted from your pain and the bonus is meeting new people who may help you in reducing the loneliness.

Alternatively, you can join yoga, and Zumba classes to ease your mental pain and suffering.

10. Be a volunteer. 

There are so many people who need help. You can offer a free service to NGOs. Helping others even in a small way, is one of the most soul-satisfying activities. You can teach children who cannot afford the high tuition fees, feed the hungry, or any other way you can help people.

According to parade.com “Neurologically, our brain health increases and feel-good neurochemicals such as serotonin surge when we step outside our normal routine to volunteer and connect with others in meaningful ways”. 

The most important and biggest one is meeting new people who may be in the same boat as you are. This can be a tremendous morale booster for both parties. So it is a wonderful way to live a purposeful and fulfilled life.

11. Move on in life.

When you realize that every person goes through this phase of loneliness, you will know that there is no point and need to persistently dwell on your own loneliness.

Keep yourself busy, have a fruitful conversation with people, and go for a long drive. Do any meaningful and fulfilling things that can take you away from the feeling of loneliness.

12. Keep in mind that loneliness may be temporary.

You are the architect of your life. While alone time can rejuvenate you, loneliness can trigger depression and anxiety. There are times when you feel lonely. You are transferred to a new city. Even children can go through this phase when they have to leave their friends and old schoolmates.

But eventually, you come out of it and actually will be happy with the newness of the place and surroundings.

As Balestrieri says. “You get to go out and make new bonds. Everyone has something to offer in every relationship. You have to just go out and create them”.

13. Do not hesitate to reveal your condition.

The easiest and most common emotion when feeling lonely or sad is crying. Do not hesitate or feel ashamed of shedding tears. With tears, you will also shed your pent-up emotions like anxiety, grief, anger, fear, and depressed state.

Actually, these tears also act as a painkiller called leucine enkephalin-maybe that is why you feel better and relaxed after a good cry. As someone nicely put it that “Tears are 1% water and 99% emotions”. So cry out your pain and get peace of mind.

Tears are a positive representation of who you are. It’s scientifically proven that tears are a way to throw your pain away and make you feel better. So, go ahead and cry your heart out.

Your loneliness may stem from disgrace, misery, dejection, rejection, and many more personal reasons. Instead of keeping them in your mind and heart, confide in someone of your pain and get ahead in life.

14 Reach out.

If the feelings of loneliness linger for a long time of period, talk to your physician or therapist. Alternatively, you can confide in a friend whom you trust wholly.

Don’t be scared or afraid to talk your heart out. Never allow yourself to be in a position of low self-esteemed and failure. Building a supporting network helps tremendously. Remember, there are people who are concerned and worried about you.

So the best thing is to tell someone your problem and seek help. The therapist is a person who is an expert in this field so, do not feel what people will think and seek help.

15 Practice gratitude.

You owe each moment to the supreme being, God. Learn to be happy and lead a contented life with whatever you are blessed with. “Count your blessings” is an old adage.

There are people who are not as fortunate and privileged as you are. Cribbing and complaining will only increase your pain. Giving thanks will have a very positive impact on your life.

You will feel more alive, express more compassion, and have a stronger immune system and a sense of fulfillment.

Related Post- Gratitude- A way to a happier and healthier life.

Gratitude and Thanksgiving- Healing power.

16. Take care of yourself.

You always put down your own needs at last. Taking care of yourself is not an indulgence anymore but an essential part of your life. It increases your confidence.

Cultivate good habits and stick to them. Be positive and optimistic. There is something good in everything you see. Try to focus on those beautiful things. Most of the time it’s perception of a situation that is upsetting you rather than the situation itself.

Pay attention to your looks, (Looks are important), present yourself as a confident person, keep yourself updated, and in general, try everything possible to enhance your personality.

Related Post- Tips for self-love and self-care.

17. Practice praying.

Prayer is soothing to the mind and body. Chanting any mantras or slokas, or hymns, will give you huge positive vibes. Prayer is a kind of conversation between you and God. Pour your heart out to him and feel a kind of serenity descend over you.  You become quiet and become more self-aware.

According to a study by Centra State Hospital, “The psychological benefits of prayer may help reduce stress and anxiety, promote a more positive outlook, and strengthen the will to live”.

Prayer benefits you in many ways. It can work as a miracle, you may get a solution to your problems, it makes you a kind and compassionate person, and helps in taking the right decisions. You get clarity of mind.

Related Post- Why is prayer important in our daily life?

Conclusion.

Feelings of loneliness and isolation affect all types and ages of people. Loneliness can be a chronic stress condition that ages the body and causes damage to overall well-being.  Learn to live happily, contentedly, and purposefully.

Loneliness can be a joyful state if taken in an optimistic approach. The above-given tips have benefitted me and I am sure it will create an exciting and meaningful life for you too.

If you go through a phase in life when you need help, do not hesitate and at the same time if anyone needs your help do not hesitate to expand your helping hands. Let us all help each other in every possible way to make this world more peaceful and harmonious.

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