By Malati Shankar.

Updated 11/9/22.

“The beauty of life is while we cannot undo what is done, we can see it, understand it, learn from it, and change so that every new moment is spent not in regret, guilt, fear, or anger but in wisdom, understanding, and love”.- Unknown.

What is guilt?

Guilt is a moral emotion that occurs when a person believes or realizes- accurately or not- that he/she has compromised their own standards of conduct or has violated universal moral standards and bears significant responsibility for that violation. Guilt is closely related to the concept of remorse, regret, as well shame.-Wikipedia.

Every one of us does or thinks wrong about others, and regrets them. Some of us forget and move ahead in life and some just keep on thinking about it with Guilt, remorse, and repentance and punish themselves for the rest of their life.

Scholars say that having a little bit of guilt actually is good because it makes you kinder, and more compassionate and you empathize more with others.

To Forgive ourselves is equally important because that way only you get some peace of mind, save you from unwanted negative thoughts, and you will progress in your personal and professional life.

Many times you keep on punishing yourself for guilt, condemn yourself, and make your life miserable. This can lead to being self-destructive and become a huge hindrance and stumbling block in moving ahead in life. Do you want to punish yourself for your whole life or forgive and forget but learn a lesson?

Continuously harping and reminiscing about your mistakes can lead to you being a negative person. You become angry and cause resentment not only at yourself but also at people around you.

You start justifying every action of yours and the result? Draining energy, anger, hatred, and it may even lead to anxiety and depression. This will affect your mental and physical health.

Thinking about your guilt constantly will stop you to make progress in life and you get stuck in the thoughts of regret. And this has a very bad effect on your setting up goals and achieving success.

This will also prevent you from leading a stress-free, happy, healthy, and fulfilling life. Sometimes. the guilt extends not only to your action but also to your thoughts. We are human, and sometimes we envy people who are more successful in every area of their life. We knowingly or unknowingly wish them bad, illness, pain, or any bad things.

This again aggravates your guilt feelings and you feel more and more unhappy about yourself. Here, you have to know that guilt and shame are not the same. Shame is not believing in yourself and the feeling of inadequacy. We do something wrong and we are ashamed of it.

Guilt is you think badly about something or someone. If you do not understand the guilt and rectify it may lead to shame. Try to know the reason for your guilt and take measures to improve on them.

Which organ does guilt affect?

According to www.betterhelp.com, One of the most known organs internally affected by guilt can be the Brain. The brain is known as the powerhouse of processing our thoughts, feelings, and /or emotions.

What does guilt do to your body mentally and physically?

The implications or results of not forgiving yourself for a mistake you have done in the past or the hurt and harm you have caused to someone are huge and long-term.

It may negatively affect your self-esteem and your self-confidence.  It creates a block in your mind and stops you from taking any action. You always feel a kind of fear and phobias. You start resenting yourself.

Remember, forgiving yourself is an important factor in your growth-personally and professionally. People who feel guilty about something start thinking that something is wrong with themselves and their self-worth reaches the bottom. They begin to think that they do not deserve any happiness and to be loved.

Here are some suggestions on how to stop feeling guilty and forgive yourself.

1. Write down your feelings.

The reason behind your guilt. what happened, and who all are involved? The remorse you felt before, during, and after the feeling of guilt. Everything you write down.

Writing down your feeling will make you more clear about your feelings of guilt. It will become easier to forgive yourself. When you sit and write down, you will be relaxed in your thoughts and this will have a huge impact on your psyche.

This is a wonderful way of keeping track of your progress of actions you have taken to get rid of your guilt and forgive yourself.

2. Evaluate how you judge yourself.

Are you judging yourself based on others’ opinions? Do you always seek validation from your parents, friends, or other family members? Are you always eager to have someone’s approval?

If yes, stop immediately. It’s not only difficult to try to live up to others’ standards but it’s also stressful and harmful to your self-worth.

in the process of pleasing others, you may have to sacrifice your own health and happiness and that’s not definitely worth it.

” Stop walking through the world looking for confirmation that you don’t belong. You will always find it because you’ve made that your mission. Stop scouring people’s faces for evidence that you are not enough. You will always find it because you have made that your goal. True belonging and self-worth are not goods; we don’t negotiate their value with the world. The truth about who we are lives in our hearts. Our call to courage is to protect our wild hearts against constant evaluation, especially, our own. No one belongs here more than you”.- Brene Brown.

3. Take responsibility for your actions and thoughts.

What does it mean? It means that you have to own up to your actions whether positive or negative, whether good or bad. You should not make others responsible for your actions.

Say to yourself that yes, you did something wrong and maybe it’s not pardonable but you do feel sorry and regret it. By admitting your guilt, you will feel less stressed out. Taking responsibility and being accountable will lessen the burden of guilt.

” The more you’re willing to accept responsibility for your actions, the more credibility you will have”.- Brian Koslow.

4. Introspect.

Think why did you behave like that? What was the motive behind it? Will you do the same in the given circumstances today? Did you think of taking revenge?

When you get the answers you will be able to understand the wrong you did and you will be more cautious in the future. Learn to be tolerant and you will be kind to everyone. Also, see the present situation. Once you acknowledge the truth about your doings and will forgive yourself.

” Without reflection, we go blindly on our way, creating more intended consequences, and failing to achieve anything useful”.- Margaret J. Wheatley.

5. Do not hesitate to say sorry.

This will make your mind and heart at peace. Ask for a sincere apology to the person or people whom you have hurt by words or actions.

Forgive the people who harmed you. This is also important, to feel at peace. Most importantly forgives yourself to lead a tension-free and happy life. Remember,  To err is human and to forgive is divine.

A sincere apology goes a long way in mending the damage after you have done something wrong. It also makes the person you have wronged understand that you will not repeat the same behavior.

6. Learn a lesson from your mistakes.

Did you think it was correct to behave like that? Every experience teaches you something, be ready to listen to your mind and head. Do not dwell on your mistakes or keep on thinking about the incident. Once you realize take action to rectify it.

Sometimes feeling the constant thinking of guilt makes you sad and unhappy but in the given circumstance. you can’t do anything but learn a lesson or two.

” Many times what we perceive as an error or failure is actually a gift. And eventually we find that lessons learned from that discouraging experience prove to be great worth”.- Richelle E. Grumblings.

7. Forgiving yourself makes you more human.

Empathize, understand, and appreciate that you are sorry for your particular behavior. Stop ruminating about it. Self-forgiveness is a way of understanding the way you see yourself after you feel a pang of guilt, shame, or regret. Holding on to your negative feelings and guilt will stop you from enjoying your life to the fullest.

Dr. Fred Luskin, in his book, Forgive for good: A proven prescription for health and happiness, says that holding onto resentment and being unforgiving increases your stress levels and takes a toll on your well-being.

8. Try self-talk.

Self-talk is very powerful. Every day say the affirmations of kindness. This will set the right frame of mind to accept the wrongdoing and regretting about it.

According to www.healthline.com- Affirmations are statements that you say to yourself daily. Positive self-talk can reduce negative thinking and focus your brain on something helpful, ultimately helping to relieve guilt.

Below are some affirmations to make you guilt-free and strong.

*I am at peace with myself.

*As I forgive, I grow stronger.

* I am full of love and compassion towards myself.

*I allow myself to move forward in my life.

* I don’t hesitate to say “sorry” for my wrongdoing.

9. Share your guilt with people you trust.

Keeping it to yourself may harm you physically, mentally, and emotionally. Wallowing in self-pity will make you more miserable.

As a wise person rightly said, ” By sharing your happiness, you double your happiness and by sharing your sadness, you lessen your pain”. Sharing your pain and guilt with someone will not only lighten your burden but also it may give you a concrete way to find a solution to your guilt.

Guilt is the worst enemy of all emotions. Keeping to yourself and suppressing it may cause you greater harm. By confiding in someone if you feel good why not?

10. Keep in mind that you are not alone.

Every hurt is pardonable if a sincere apology is shown. Everyone should be given a second chance. So you also deserve to be happy.

Be happy that you did your best given your maturity, experience, and circumstances at that time. This is a healthy, humble, and responsible way to decrease your guilt.

By accepting your guilt you are free of the burden of negative emotions.

11 Try Journalling,

It can help you to prevent your self-criticism to go overboard. You should try to develop self-compassion. Pickell says that one thing you can do is write out a conversation between you and your inner critic. This may help you to forgive yourself.

By journaling, you can express yourself without anyone peeping into your thoughts and feelings. This will also help you to ponder over your reasons for doing harm to someone.

12. Learn to listen to your own inner voice.

Instead of listening to every tom, dick, and harry try to analyze own your advice and do accordingly. Just think about what advice you will give to your friend or family member in this situation, and do the same for you.

Sometimes, intuitions play a very important role in lessening your guilt and bringing back the emotion of happiness. As Raioppi says there is nothing more potent or powerful than trusting yourself and confidently following your truth.

” Follow your heart, listen to your inner voice, stop caring about what others think”.- Roy T. Benedict.

Bottomline- 

Now you know that being wracked with guilt is awful. You feel that it’s the correct way to feel but research shows that it’s not the best way to motivate you to act better or feel better in the future.

Study after study shows that self-criticism is consistently associated with less motivation and worse self-control. It is also one of the single biggest predictors of depression, which drains both- I will and I won’t energies.

” People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. but you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what’s bitter and move on…- Bill Cosby.

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