Structural Forms of the Feminine by Toni Wolff

They might be referred to as the psychic forms of the mother and spouse, the Hetaira (companion, friend), the Amazon and the medial woman. ~Toni Wolff, Structural Forms of the Feminine Psyche, Page 4

The Hetaira or companion is instinctively related to the personal psychology of the male, and also to that of her children if she is married.

The individual interests, inclinations and, possibly, also the problems of the male are within her conscious field of vision and are stimulated and promoted by her.

She will convey to him the sense of a personal value quite apart from collective values, for her own development demands of her to experience and realize an individual Relationship in all its nuances and depths.

Schure’s “femmes inspiratrices”, belong mainly to this structural form, but they are exceptions just as the creative man is.

Blüher’s Calypso type which can be found much more frequently is a fairly close equivalent, but does not sufficiently account for the psychological problems involved.

The function of the Hetaira is to awaken the individual psychic life in the male and to lead him through and beyond his male responsibilities towards the formation of a total personality.

Usually this development becomes the task of the second half of life, i. e. after the social position has been successfully established.

The Hetaira thus affects the shadow side of the male and the subjective side of his Anima — a problem which is not without its danger.

Consequently she ought to be, and at best is indeed, conscious of .the laws of relationship.

Her instinctive interest is directed towards the individual contents of a relationship in herself as well as in the man.

For the man, a relationship in all its potentialities and nuances is usually less conscious and less important, for it distracts him from his tasks.

For the Hetaira it is decisive. Everything else — social security, position, etc. — is unimportant. In this lies both the significance and the danger of the Hetaira.

If she overlooks the Persona side of the man (or of her children) or adapts herself too blindly to it, she is bound to idolize the – personal element, to incite it excessively and may bring the man to a point where he himself loses his clear vision of outer reality: he may for instance give up his profession to become a «creative artist»; he may divorce, feeling that the Hetaira understands him better than his wife, etc.

She insists on an illusion or some nonsense and thus becomes a temptress; she is Circe instead of Calypso.

There is great confusion nowadays as a result of the wide-spread abolition of the sexual taboo.

It is the order of the day to have «relationships» — seen from the part of the woman they may either be due to erotic misunderstandings or to professional necessities.

For the many sexuality is the self-evident manifestation of a relationship.

For the woman, and in particular for the Hetaira, it is under certain circumstances its result or, according to the individual law of relationship, it should even be kept out of it altogether.

In any case it is only appropriate when the relationship as such has been sufficiently developed.

Instead of beginning with sexuality, as is frequently done, it may be the eventual result, once a relationship has reached a certain depth

and psychic consolidation and may thus represent a psychic equivalent to the security offered in marriage.

But since the security afforded by marriage or a profession is of vital necessity to a woman, this need may creep unconsciously into the Hetaira relationship and disturb its intrinsic course.

One can therefore say that, paradoxically, the ideal Hetaira is that woman who in marriage represents the «containing», i. e. she who needs personal relationship beyond marriage.

Given this, she will be able to realize the relationship, and with it her married life, more consciously and without any secret motives.

On the other hand a married-woman who is unaware of her Hetaira nature, or has repressed it, , is bound to make secret lovers out of her sons and girl friends out of her daughters, binding them exactly as does the mother who is unconscious of her mother nature.

Everything in life must be learned, also human relationship, and it is therefore only natural that the Hetaira cannot begin with it on the most differentiated level.

But once, she has learned it, she will carefully observe the laws of individual relationship, she will notice what belongs to it and what not, and she will if necessary know when a relationship has become fulfilled and complete. ~Toni Wolff, Structural Forms of the Feminine Psyche, Page 5-6