A few new awards and certificates sit on my Mantle, well, window sill. Now not only am I dudist but nondenominational as well giving me the rights and capabilities in the cities which is often the capabilities to fill out forms in times of need for people if the need does come up. Also, the school has honored my work in particular for the efforts in the Senate and helping some other groups work with the senate.
Not my actual mantle, just a fancy one tho.
Being in therapy there has been something on awards and titles, because all of them as it has been discussed is over time there has been an effort to use those awards to feel like I exist. Like if there was none on my record would anyone even know I existed? After finding time to mull it over there had been something to think on. There is no bones made my life was not the worst, but it was not the best either and part of that was there wasn’t a whole lot of family outside of maybe my grandparents. My mother passed and when she did she had been grasping the damage done before her upkeep got the better of her. My old man had been a slave to the bottle for so long he could not tell you what he did when he was drinking, and because of that did some horrendous things.
It took me until being an adult to be okay with people randomly hugging me. Every time someone did I would stiffen up and freeze like a statue, they did not know that my life had been so lacking of friendly physical contact. We had to talk about how people being social creatures, if they could not get something they needed would make due with what they had on hand, and for me my awards and laurels were what filled that need for something so simple as a hug. I know it sounds stupid but you know what people can be stupid sometimes, especially if they do not mean to be. Now, that does not mean I am stopping in my projects for excellence, that is just my wiring, but it is nice to understand something about how your head works.
Makes me able to look at my awards now and at least be proud of what has been done because back then it would not have been worth much. Still, there is always something to be done, one wants to aim high and the progress must be continuous. Been awarded from the faculty and the senate itself and from my certifications and it actually feels nice. Part of me will try not to use it as just filling a hole in my life, but you know what it was still earned, so at least in a healthier way there can be some personal pride. Hope, things are getting better for you as well.
Stay Strong.
This post first appeared on One Guy In Portland | The Misadventures Of An Unhipster Character, please read the originial post: here
