I’m Tired.

Tired of the pretty people winning.

Tired of the award-wining actress getting a book deal AND a cooking show.  I mean…save something for the rest of us.

Tired of waking up in the morning with no pep in my step.

Tired of watching my friends get the things I’ve always wanted (and I’m not talking about  handbags and skinny jeans.)

Tired of working my ass off (both at the gym and in my work) and seeing few results.

Tired of counting down the minutes to Friday every week and then spending the weekend dreading the inevitable Monday return.

I’m genuinely happy for others and do not wish I would ever get more than someone else, just why can’t I have what everyone else seems to have.

Husband?  No.  Fiance?  No.  Boyfriend?  No.  Kids?  No.  Pregnant?  No.  Vice-president of a company?  No.  Spend all my free-time traveling?  No. Stockpiling my savings?  No.  Bought a house?  No.  Condo?  No.   You get the idea…

Don’t get me wrong- I do have friends, family, my health…and that’s A LOT, but…

Last time I was happy?  This past summer when I traveled to Europe (for the first time!) and spent 5 glorious weeks making pastries in Paris.  I was ALIVE again.  LIVING IN PARIS.  Traveling.  Seeing the world.  Before that…I honestly can’t remember the last time I felt truly happy.

How did I get here?  Does everyone feel this way?  Am I close to the break-through?  Will my life look completely different in a few years? Months?  Am I hoping for a miracle that will never come?

I have never wanted to be the one sitting on the bench while everyone else is bustling around me.  And yet, that’s exactly what this feels like.

I don’t know.  I do know I will get up tomorrow, get dressed, and get on with life.

There’s not a logical reason I can think of, but somehow, I still have HOPE.

Let’s HOPE it’s enough…