This movie is a toxic waste dump. There are at least 10 unintentionally funny moments. I feel bad for everybody that made it through all of the movie. I think I got close, I am deeply hopeful that there could not have been much more after what I made it through. I will try again soon, when I hate myself.

If you’re mainly watching this for comedic potential, I’d get as many Spanish-speakers or gringos as you can find, and let’s learn about the difference between “el” and “la” with Batman. (I swear on my life, this is a plot point they actually went with).

Some standouts:

–I have never seen a Batman as incompetent as this one, ever. Not Superfriends, not All-Star Batman and Robin. In Justice League, Batman pulled off nonsense magic tricks like suddenly knowing Icelandic for zero plot reason except to show off. That’s not necessary. *This* Batman is so bad at everything even Riddler is dunking on him for most of the movie. PS: Also, checking the villain’s lair for hidden plans or equipment, usually a good move. Having ANY idea of how to identify a villain’s next steps besides just going off of what the villain tells you, generally effective for crimesolving. Hardening obvious targets can be effective.

–Riddler has 7 vans of explosives he leaves around the city. Damn, I get towed after like an hour.

–When things get rough for shady political fixers working on shady conspiracies, anyone whose first reaction is to go to a mob hangout to get high is definitely NOT the guy you want as a criminal partner, because he’s a joke. This guy wouldn’t make it past courier in a well-run organization. I don’t think Joker would hire him, he’s not even good enough to dress up as a clown. PS: any criminal or Gotham DA who can be caught off guard by Riddler hiding in the backseat should be lined up against a wall and shot.

–At a major public event, you might consider roadblocks and scanners to help secure the site. Or you could be a ****ing moron. In this Gotham, competence was never an option.

–Riddler also randomly has like 50 suicide terrorists. Okay, that kinda flies in the face of his modus operandi so far, and also his complete lack of charisma, mental ability and anything humans use to impress each other. If *RIDDLER* can charm 50 people into becoming suicide terrorists, how is anyone alive in this city?

–If you get attacked by a random gang and the Gotham police don’t care, BLAME BATMAN. “It was unclear, a lot of shady characters, and then Batman sicced his goons on me.” Major police investigations have been launched on less than this when the police hate the suspect enough. It’s not clear why the police hate Batman, after they built him a Bat-signal and he’s semi-openly cooperating in major investigations and seems like a mostly sane expert consultant, but this movie probably sucks less if you don’t ask any questions.

–At least 3 characters sound like they are huffing helium. The Riddler also looks like Bill Gates, if Bill Gates huffed helium all the time. PS: If you need to use a voice modulator to disguise your raging helium addiction, you’re probably not a good candidate for villain. Also, learn how to enunciate, you absolute jackass. It sounds like you’re chewing on screws and bolts.

–The idea of assassinating multiple VIPs as the detective struggles to close in is well-tested. In Dark Knight, the Joker targeted the police commissioner, an extra judge, the mayor, and Batman’s girlfriend. This setup just doesn’t GO anywhere here. It’s Gotham, and we already know everybody in town is at least moderately dirty. The first two hours of this movie are wasted on stumbling through “That seemingly clean individual! Was actually as shady as everybody else!” and somehow any of this is a surprise to Batman. Okay. (Given how incompetent Batman is, maybe that’s not so outlandish).

–If the mayor is assassinated days before a tight election, you COULD run the election as scheduled, with no effective security, if you were a complete ****ing moron. Printing new ballots with the new candidate’s name will take at least several weeks and anything else is completely jackass. And, who knows, maybe in those weeks you might catch the maniac who’s been planning an Election Day slaughter! Or not. It’s Gotham.

–The new mayor sounds like a complete nutjob. Given how badly Wayne family money has worked out for Gotham, if Wayne wants to sit on the sidelines with his money, that might be better for everybody. And, also, generally it’s good life advice not to spend money at the behest of nutjob mayors elected under frankly shady circumstances of the other guy getting assassinated and the replacement candidate not getting printed on the ballots.

–Alfred mentions he was “in the circus”, which is spy novel slang for British intelligence work. I don’t know what they taught him in MI6, but hopefully NOT opening up ticking packages while you’re in the room with them.