Pretend to that caution
you’ve rarely practiced
when deep in your longing
for love or for comfort in the cold.

As you stare at the sunrise
of one of the last days
of a calendar year,
you imagine the release

waiting ahead of you
some hours from now
after sunset;  instead
of rushing head first toward it

as you once would have done
when seeking what you
had always considered
your birthright, this time

you fall to your knees,
stopping
well before
the sun is gone;

for once grabbing
for the last light instead of
falling for the darkness
you always found more amenable. 

Pretend to caution
you have never felt 
before letting yourself fall
into forever. You have never known

such a pull on your back.
You have never known what it is
to hold yourself from a free fall.
You do not know this person you’ve become:

have never
felt the desire
to remain alive, to see
what happens next.