I needed silence, Stillness and the Clarity of God so I took myself off to the Anglican Church round the corner. Despite the flashing lights on the scaffolding that the men were working from, noisily … despite the wedding couple and their photographer constantly moving lights and camera and chatting incessantly … despite the couple with their baby, talking with the priest about their upcoming baptism while the baby was babbled and splashed water on everyone close by … despite the constant flow of tourists babbling in admiration at the quietness of the grand space … no, despite nothing at all! I could not find God in that church today. Neither silence, nor stillness nor clarity.

I went to the Catholic church, a few blocks away, and saw some of the same tourists; quiet, this time. The whole place was quiet. However, though I saw the tragic figure of Jesus, up close and pained, I could not find God in that church today.

God is not in any of these places, of course. He is in my mind. He is my mind. He is my wide, deep mind that needs my feverish, judging mind to step aside and allow that still, silent voice to whisper forth. I know this but I need, from time to time, to blame something outside God (my mind) in order to appease the guilt I feel for losing the connection with God. He doesn’t mind, though I do.

And so falls peace upon my mind as the writing of these words has brought a remembering of where my true self is – not in the busyness of the scrambling, chattering world but in that unmovable stillness that resides within.

I breathe and feel a certainty, a peace, arise. I feel no clarity but, neither, do I feel a need for it. Needlessly, I am content with the peace, and I sigh and smile.