I admit it. Today, I am frustrated.

I am going to participate in Nanowrimo, as I usually do. If you are asking what “Nanowrimo” is, please check this link. I feel like the program has done a lot for me in terms of helping me learn about motivation, setting goals, and writing no matter what, even if I feel like what I’m writing isn’t good enough. It’s also put me in touch with wonderful writers and creative people.

There is a project that is very dear to me.  The plan is to have it be my Nanowrimo project this November. There is a rather terrible unfinished first draft that is 50 thousand words long, but has no real conclusion, is full of plot holes, and needs major restructuring to be a completed first draft. This in and of itself is not a problem, or something that I feel bad about. It’s a Nanowrimo draft. But, the task of re-reading it, making notes on everything that needs to be torn out and rebuilt, realizing how much I have to do before November 1^st, and getting it all done and doing a good job is overwhelming me.

This is why I’ve been so busy, and have been slow to update my blog. So, forgive me for that.

I can admit. The reason I have blogged so many times about overcoming procrastination is because I myself have a problem with it. I know this. In a way, I am sad because I feel like it’s my own fault that I am finding myself without enough time to do the job I want to do to be ready for November. Shaming myself isn’t going to help, and I realize that this is making things worse, not better. But, it’s still hard to abstain from completely.

So, I am facing a dilemma. I could pick another project (I usually have multiples) that is closer to completion. In a way, this feels like accepting defeat. Besides, this project is my favorite. Another possibility is to say the next week-and-a-half is longer than it feels right now, and that I can push through this. This is more satisfying, but I fear that the project might suffer for it, and I don’t want it to.

It seems to me that I should just push on, get as much done as I can. I should just prioritize and get the biggest things out of the way. And, if I don’t get everything done I want to on the planning side, well, I should forgive myself.

I’ve made up my mind that’s what I should do. And, I think I’ve come to that decision while writing this blog entry. Maybe I sound self-indulgent right now; maybe I even sound whiny. I think that this is the one of the first times I’ve used this blog as an actual blog, instead of a place to write articles about writing.

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